to tell friends off for not RSVP

[OhGood]

So, I am having people round for food and a film tonight. A casual thing, and these are pretty close friends. Invite went out on Monday, with a specific request to let me know whether they're coming or not. So I can cook enough food, get enough drink in etc.

Some people have been 'don't know' (like one friend who is very pregnant) and that's fine. Some people have said they are trying to get babysitters and that's fine. Some people may cancel at last minute today and that's fine too. Life happens.

BUT.

Just sent a snotty message to the people who have not even responded to me. (Saying 'what the hell happened to RSVP, take it you're not coming, see you soon'.)

AIBU?

YANBU. It's very rude not to reply to an invitation. A one-sentence text message would have sufficed. I wouldn't invite them again.

They were rude not to reply.
You were rude in the wording of your message today.

Oh dear, a rude group!

People are bad at replying which is why a 2nd polite and friendly message is often needed - 'Hope you got my invitation to.....please could I just ask you to let me know one way or the other by.......'

Or the day before 'Hope you got my messages about..........haven't heard from you, so please could you let me know by.......at the latest and if I don't hear from you by then I'll assume you aren't coming.'

Or 'Hope you got my messages inviting you to.......Havent heard from you, so hope all is okay with you guys. Please let me know by.....at the latest.'

These messages are not rude, but make clear you would like a reply and importantly out a deadline on it too.

If, having sent several messages like this I would host my event. If I felt I really needed to make a point after the event I might say
'Hi. Just a bit worried about you.....haven't heard from you in response to my messages about.....which was last night. Wanted to check you are okay. Please let me know you are'

It’s rude and hurtful and rather dismissive and uncaring of them. ‘We’re all so busy doing other busy busy things we can’t possibly reply to you’ even though the odds are they are glued to their phones. Horrible way to be. I’d be so cross and hurt but I doubt that I’d send a stroppy text because I might not want to appear hacked off, I’d want to appear cool about it all 🤫

I would be royally pissed off if I was offering dinner to 10 people and only two bothered to reply. RSVP just means please let me know (a reply is needed please, is the exact translation) and the implication in polite circles, is that you do so with two or three days notice. It gives the host time to rethink plans and menus, and FFS, a quick text takes seconds. We are not talking about getting out the calligraphy pens! The people who did not bother to RSVP would almost certainly not get a second invitation from me.

If they turned up regardless, if I was cross enough, I'd probably say " I assumed you weren't coming, so I didn't cater for you".

Maybe the 21st century acronym ought to be TSVP

Text s'il vous plaît

OP I get where you're coming from. I'll come over to yours if they can't be arsed to send you a 'holding' text to say "thx I will let you know by x date if we can join you" .

It seems communication is more easy than it's ever been, yet people somehow think it doesn't need to apply to them.

I can't believe 7 people have emergencies, personal crises and pestilence/terrorism/earthquake preventing them from responding.

As a guest I always reply when I've seen the message. If I accept I usually send a text on the day as well to say "hey, still on for tonight? If so, what time and shall I bring anything?"

I thought that was normal. YANBU.

Although your rude text was a bit much (would have gone with a - did you get my invite the other day? Can you make it, would love to see you! - type message myself) I would also have been thinking what utterly rude and selfish b’stards people are and you were not being unreasonable to be annoyed.

Ds has a really good friend whose mum is always lovely when I see her but she is a nightmare to try and make plans (for the boys) with. She’ll take days, if not weeks, to reply to a text, leaving you hanging on being able to make alternative arrangements so although she is lovely she is also inconsiderate and pretty rude by default as well. (I realise I may have digressed a little there...but it’s a real bugbear of mine )

Really? People think that they are too busy to send a text or message? I can't be bothered with flaky people who think their time is so much more important that everyone else's. Every other person you see is 'busy' with their head stuck in a phone ...