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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell friends off for not RSVP

59 replies

OhGood · 08/12/2017 10:30

So, I am having people round for food and a film tonight. A casual thing, and these are pretty close friends. Invite went out on Monday, with a specific request to let me know whether they're coming or not. So I can cook enough food, get enough drink in etc.

Some people have been 'don't know' (like one friend who is very pregnant) and that's fine. Some people have said they are trying to get babysitters and that's fine. Some people may cancel at last minute today and that's fine too. Life happens.

BUT.

Just sent a snotty message to the people who have not even responded to me. (Saying 'what the hell happened to RSVP, take it you're not coming, see you soon'.)

AIBU?

OP posts:
crazycatlady5 · 08/12/2017 11:00

Yes I get that! When I organise things I often find it a little stressful, wanting everything to go well and be nice etc so I totally understand. Hopefully you get the responses you’re after from them x

Chrys2017 · 08/12/2017 11:04

Some people wait to the last minute to see if they get a better offer.

Deathraystare · 08/12/2017 11:06

Nowadays, with emails and texts it does not take more than a few mins to reply - even if it is not sure can I let you know in a few days etc etc.

I think it is bloody rude, myself. When me and my friends plan a get together (and we are not super organisers!) we at least text a "can I let you know in a couple of days" type text if we are not sure. One or two of us has an occasional illness so we are used to them sometimes not being available on the day but they always phone/text.

They have the ability!

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 08/12/2017 11:07

what the hell happened to RSVP, take it you're not coming, see you soon

I think your text was rude, but they should have replied to you. With flaky friends, I would just do a movie, don't bother cooking for people who won't tell you if they're coming. Save your food for people who appreciate it

Lweji · 08/12/2017 11:10

Unless someone has some medical emergency or family drama

That's it, you don't know that they didn't. And sometimes people may need to check with partners or confirm other plans and end up forgetting.

A one time I'd let go.

Glumglowworm · 08/12/2017 11:13

Your friends are rude for not responding

You’re rude for sending them stroppy messages

RainbowWish · 08/12/2017 11:13

The fact that you are cooking for everyone you need to know how many people so you have enough food.
It is just very rude and disrespectful to yourself. It take 5 second to send a text saying 'yes' or 'no'
I hope whoever come you all have a good night

Nannyplumbrocks · 08/12/2017 11:15

YANBU!

FluffyWuffy100 · 08/12/2017 11:17

“People are busy” then fucking RSVP saying you’re not coming!

Frederickvonhefferneffer · 08/12/2017 11:18

It’s rude of your friends. I think that people that don’t respond to invites are usually waiting till the last minute to see if they get a better offer.
People, increasingly, are generally selfish dicks.

thewisestoldelf · 08/12/2017 11:20

I work FT with a 3.6 year old and I'm currently pregnant and trying to do my house up.

I can still reply to a text message because I have manners

Ginslinger · 08/12/2017 11:45

it's so rude not to RSVP especially when it can be done so easily with text and email.

RichmondAvenue · 08/12/2017 11:50

Had this recently for DS1's birthday. Invited 5 of his friends. 2 didn't even rsvp. I think it's rude and YANBU. Doesn't take 2 minutes to send a message.

melj1213 · 08/12/2017 12:17

If it's a casual get together then I wouldn't assume the need to RSVP ... I'd expect a text to say "yes/no/maybe, got to check for a babysitter first" but I wouldn't be stressing if I didn't have exact numbers.

I also wouldn't be going straight to a "snotty" message about RSVPing, it would be a quick "hey, didn't hear from you, you coming to movie night at mine? Need to know how much wine lol so let me know either way xxx"

coddiwomple · 08/12/2017 12:24

If it's a casual get together then I wouldn't assume the need to RSVP ... I'd expect a text to say "yes/no/maybe,

what do you think RSVP is? Confused

melj1213 · 08/12/2017 12:34

coddi by RSVP I mean I wouldn't expect a formal reply.

Its a casual get together, yet the OP sent a "snotty" message about RSVPing ... for that kind of arrangement it seems very formal to "RSVP" instead of "get back to the OP about coming"

coddiwomple · 08/12/2017 12:38

I don't think that the OP was expecting a formal reply, I read that she just wanted to know if they are coming or not!

RSVP are not formal - they can be - it's just people telling you yes or no. I ask parents to RSVP to my kids party, there's nothing formal about it, I just need the numbers.

AntiHop · 08/12/2017 12:44

Yanbu. That's rude. It's not difficult to let you know.

Ginslinger · 08/12/2017 12:59

Given Melj's response maybe there's less of an understanding that RSVP just means LET ME KNOW' and doesn't involve writing a formal letter or something.

InDubiousBattle · 08/12/2017 14:16

I think RSPV just means send a text or something to say if you're coming or not. Op has invited 7 people and only 2 have confirmed, the difference between cooking for 4 and cooking for 9 is loads!

HildaZelda · 08/12/2017 14:22

YANBU. I can understand exactly why you're peed off. You're trying to figure out how much food and drink you need to buy and how much to cook. I think it's so rude that some people didn't even bother to send a text back to let you know.

Same thing happened to me a few years ago and it's ALWAYS the same people who seem to think that there time is more important than yours.

karriecreamer · 08/12/2017 14:28

YABU people are busy.

Yes, we're all busy. But that doesn't excuse rudeness and those who just can't be arsed to spend less than 15 seconds to reply. I'd have done what the OP has done. I'm sick of chasing up people who clearly don't give a toss.

whiskyowl · 08/12/2017 14:30

I think you maybe overreacted a bit, but it is rude not to RSVP when requested, so you were provoked!

The text was a bit PA - "Can you please let me know whether you're coming tonight, I need to know for food ordering" would have been more direct and less dramatic. Smile

ForalltheSaints · 08/12/2017 17:48

YANBU. Takes less than a minute to say yes or no.

FoolandFitz · 08/12/2017 17:56

I hate the "people are busy" excuse - well, aren't we all. Exactly how long does it take to send a message/text/email?

Lots of people cant be bothered to reply (rude). Other people want to hedge their bets and decide at the last minute (also rude). Other people are forgetful (more understandable).