Does divorce get better and what jobs could I do with my skills? Help.

[divorcenightmare]

I am 48 and in the middle of a not very nice divorce. Am divorcing H for unreasonable behaviour. We have 3 secondary aged kids. Middle dc has OCD and their school attendance is now suffering. Youngest is having difficulty adapting to secondary school and says they are not going any more. Eldest is doing GCSEs and is very focused / academic, but quite remote. I am sure they are all suffering during this unresolved / limbo bit.

But I feel like a failure. Not only career wise but as a Mum now as well. It's all a bloody mess.

Career wise everything went wrong for me at university and I suppose that my confidence never recovered.

Before kids I did admin work and TEFL. Since kids I have worked as a primary school TA and am now working in school admin. I spent many years at home as a SAHM.

I now have to increase my earnings which will be possible to do up to a point just by working more than term time only and 4 days a week as I currently do. Still my earning potential is not great though. And I am depressed by the fact that I am still doing such basic work. Not knocking it in and of itself but my entire life I seem to have had no confidence.

So my questions are - is it normal for everything to feel like it is imploding during divorce? Do children become happier when there is less tension in the house?

And - what could I do work wise with my abilities and experience:

my strengths are my literacy / patience / ability to retain facts relating to process / sensitivity / 2 European languages spoken.

I am interested in counselling and have done the first of 3 years' training but am not sure whether to pursue this or something else.

What can I turn around at this stage in my life to earn a bit more / enough money and to have some career/job satisfaction?

Any ideas?

Thanks .

Wow - it sounds like you have a lot of skills there. I'm sure someone can give good advice re: careers.

I know exactly what you mean about lack of confidence, I'm similar but don't have a degree etc but have had 3 kids. Good for you for changing your life around

Your job history and situation with your divorce are very similar to mine, except am ten years older!

Could you get back into tefl at all? Are there any local schools that need help with foreign students (private schools and small colleges round here often have a lot of students who need some help with language and pay reasonably well).

Sorry - I know this isn't a lot of help! I would just add that when I was 48 I thought it was a bit late to look for another career, but now I'm 58 I really wish I'd gone for it then!

Throw yourself I into trying to find something else - I'm sure there are lots of possibilities out there for you, you just need the confidence to give yourself a bit of a push.

Good luck.

You're entitled to maintenance to support yourself at least for a few years, so insist on taking what you're entitled to. You've probably spent years supporting your husband and your career has suffered as a result.

What do you actually want to do? Did you get a degree, even if not there are non-degree routes into getting QTS and you can work at the same time. Schools are desperate for language teachers.

Thanks for your messages.

I don't think I will get maintenance (and don't want to be beholden to difficult H) but will hopefully be (better not speak too soon) mortgage free.

Not sure I want to teach again as standing in front a group of people teaching / managing behaviour is not my favourite thing - I am not an extrovert. It makes me nervous.

I never seem to see any path through to the end, and so end up in admin temping kind of positions like now.

Maybe I am lazy .

I did get a pass degree in History and Politics. Not worth anything.

You know, I’m introvert - genuinely so - but I am able to teach a class full of teenagers with no issues. If it interests you, even just a little bit, it is worth going into a high school and having a look. You are under no obligation to pursue an application just by looking!

You could try tutoring - a quick google will bring up any number of websites that will host your details for no up front cost (and some no cost at all). There is also an increasing number of organisations doing online tutoring to the South East Asian market. I have not gone down that route myself but it is in my head to research when I have some time to see if it’s a viable option.

Market research companies are always advertising local to me, that may be worth looking at.

Finally, register with Indeed and put in broad job parameters to see what comes up - and read the emails carefully before deleting. There is a lot out there, just try to be creative in your searching.

I think your bottom line has to be income needed. Any ideas on that?
Teaching is one option and don't forget the indy sector and further ed (I did both as well as state secondary). Indy- smaller classes and possibly slightly nicer kids!
Further ed- smaller classes and little pastoral work. But not much call for history so you'd have to retrain in another subject.

Counselling- got lots of friends who are counsellors. None make a living out of it; they all have partners or run it alongside other jobs. There are simply so many counsellors. One growing sector is school counsellors but you have a long way to go to qualify - years of practise needed.

Stop thinking about a 'job' and think about what makes you tick. Do you love history? How about something like an education officer in a museum/ stately home/ places kids visit with their school?

Lots of options but you need to decide what you love.

How about being a PA? I bet loads of executives need one with language skills. You could go to a temp agency and see what sort of jobs they offer you - that would also give you the chance to try a few options before committing to a career.

If you could market yourself you might be able to set up as a self employed translator but depends on which languages.

You're entitled to maintenance to support yourself at least for a few years

No they aren't. It doesn't work like that.

Maintenance for the DC yes. OP no.

Maybe make a list off all your skills OP and start from there.

I agree with the PA suggestion. An executive PA earns quite well- at least in London- and your language skill would make you very valuable in a multinational organisation. Try temping as a pa first to get some experience and take it from there. Good luck!

I should have said an executive pa can earn over 40k in London and dealing with executives is very much like dealing with small children. Your patience would come I handy!

Another vote for PA, your work background is very similar to our group PA (including the 2 European languages). Our PA is looking for a career change into events production & management, btw.

Not everyone has a scintillating career in the mid-late 50s, btw. Most of us just plot along.

I would avoid counselling from a financial perspective
I am sure you have many transferable skills though
My last living together relationship ended 10 years ago when DC were 14 and 16, since then I have doubled my income and managed to move into a senior management role within the voluntary sector - anything is possible - go for it!

If you don’t want to chance too much at once could you carry on being a TA and then look into doing language teaching by Skype online? A friend does this and it’s pretty lucrative and can be done at home in the evenings.

Would you have enough knowledge of your foreign languages to tutor secondary school kids? Maybe they could come to you? A few hours a week could be a good income.

Another idea would be setting up a kids’ language club - my niece and nephew go to a French club on Saturdays which is run by a lady who funnily enough set it up after divorce when she needed to make more money. She has 8-10 children (primary age) and they play games/sing songs in French and make it fun. I think she does three sessions on a Saturday and three one week night so not a bad income.

All the best to you - and as others have said you have lots of skills and experience.

Don't want to pour cold water on the PA idea too soon but to earn that kind of money you need relevant experience. Being a TA and a school admin person is not going to get you a job as an exec PA (sorry) but I worked in recruitment at one time. Agencies and HR want really relevant experience and they don't often look outside the box.

OP you need to decide if you want a job or a career- the latter would involve further training.You are going to work for possibly another 20 years. I'd not rush into it. If you can afford it, see a career coach (not a careers advisor they just slot you into a job title.)

Whatever you think you might like, see if you can get some free experience of it first like shadowing someone or visiting the workplace.

You could for example do a 1 yr conversion to a law degree then become a solicitor in time. There are various routes. Don't set the bar too low.

Would you have enough knowledge of your foreign languages to tutor secondary school kids? Maybe they could come to you? A few hours a week could be a good income.

This isn't great. Modern language numbers in schools are dropping all the time. There is not much demand for language 1:1. (I know people who did it.)
A few hours a week is not a good income- sorry. You're looking at £25-£30 an hour so 5-6 pupils...and term time only, not a huge amount- and when they come is just when your own kids need you- meal time and homework time, or pick up from activities.

About becoming a solicitor, I am not sure it is a good idea generally for someone in OP's position unless she has a burning desire for it - I say this as a solicitor myself. Lots of threads on this.

I like Nightmanager's idea. I used to take dd along for language classes on Saturday mornings. I think this was part of a franchise arrangement - don't know whether that's worth investing in so you have some ready-made materials or whether you can just go for it. Obviously I haven't seen the books so I don't know if it's a living in its own right or just supplements other work.

Oh, and to answer your original question, yes, divorce does get better! Where you're at now is the second-worst stage (the worst bit being the "Should I stay or should I go" bit or the immediate shock of being dumped).

About becoming a solicitor, I am not sure it is a good idea generally for someone in OP's position unless she has a burning desire for it - I say this as a solicitor myself. Lots of threads on this.

I don't think it's a realistic idea either given that I am 48, but I am oddly flattered by the thought and I do think that there are elements of it that would be very interesting. Was represented by an ace barrister for my FDA this week, and wish I could be like her.

OP you need to decide if you want a job or a career- the latter would involve further training.You are going to work for possibly another 20 years. I'd not rush into it. If you can afford it, see a career coach (not a careers advisor they just slot you into a job title.)

In the short term I definitely need a job that pays better than my current one. In the longer term I would like a small career if it's not too late.

Is it too late?

Agree that I would need more experience to be an executive PA.

Not sure I would want to do the tutoring as a full time job.

Thanks for your messages.

Other ideas I have had are: ward clerk, Psychological Wellbeing Co-ordinator (would need training), Legal Secretary (am currently doing a course).

Any other ideas please?

Oh, and to answer your original question, yes, divorce does get better!

Thank you. I sure hope it does as this limbo is not nice.

Have you considered teaching languages to adults rather than children- or would you still dislike that? You've got a degree and two languages so that's grand. Divorce can really knock your confidence.
If you're doing a legal secretary course that's also great. There might be jobs in travel or foreign lettings and so on where you could use your language skills too? Also don't the police/courts use interpreters sometimes.
Good luck! Divorce does get much much easier. You are through the worst.

A friend of mine has recently done a course in school business management and is now a bursar for a primary school. Reasonable wage, not quite term time only but close enough. She did have an accountancy qualification already, not sure what the pre reqs are for the sbm course.

A friend of mine has recently done a course in school business management and is now a bursar for a primary school. Reasonable wage, not quite term time only but close enough. She did have an accountancy qualification already, not sure what the pre reqs are for the sbm course

That sounds like it's worth exploring. Good idea to build on your existing skills

Uncertainty is always tough but things usually work out OK in the end