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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Setting example for other people's children

46 replies

AvenuesAndAlleyways · 07/12/2017 10:57

I was waiting at a pedestrian crossing on the school run with another mum - our daughters are in year 6 and she has a daughter in year 1. A man crossed the road before the lights changed and the other mum freaked out. She was yelling that he should wait til the lights went red and he was setting a terrible example for her 5 year old - what if she copied him? He looked at her with a WTF look and carried on.

After we crossed she said how awful the man was - I said maybe it wasn't the best thing to do but it's not up to others to set examples for our kids and children need to know even if someone else is doing something it doesn't mean it's right. She totally disagreed and insisted she was right.

She's not a friend, we just live near to each other and sometimes walk up together so I'm not bothered if she thinks I'm wrong but was she BU?

OP posts:
happygirly1 · 07/12/2017 11:02

Shouting at random strangers because they're not living by the rules she's setting her five-year old is weird. She was being massively rude and definitely BU.

She should have just used it as a learning opp with her DD: "what did the man not wait for? The greeeeeen man!"; "oh dear, the man should have waited for the green man shouldn't he, that's very dangerous".

jaseyraex · 07/12/2017 11:06

Did she always wait for the green man before she had kids? Probably not. I just say something along the lines of "that's very dangerous, that man should have waited for the green man" if my son asks why someone else has crossed before us. You can't make everyone else in the world abide by the "rules" you're teaching your children. She was being very rude and very weird!

EB123 · 07/12/2017 11:09

She sounds like an idiot. I don't expect others to wait at the crossing when we do, often old ladies will stand and wait with us but most people don't.

curryforbreakfast · 07/12/2017 11:10

She's a rude, stupid, woman.

Original poster
AvenuesAndAlleyways · 07/12/2017 11:12

That's definitely my take on it - not in a passive-aggressive way (we don't do silly things like that man type comment) but teaching them to think for themselves.

OP posts:
HappyLabrador · 07/12/2017 11:12

She’s a bloody fruit loop of the highest order.

Original poster
AvenuesAndAlleyways · 07/12/2017 11:14

She doesn't think there's anything wrong with telling people what the "right" way to act is - she "tells it like it is" Hmm

I think I might leave a bit earlier to avoid walking with her.

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 07/12/2017 11:25

I have been subject to the passive-aggressive 'now, what that lady did was very naughty because she didn't wait for the green man' before - and while it was v embarrassing I also thought it was fair enough! However, I would not have thought it fair enough if the same woman had shouted directly at me rather than pointedly talking about me - I'm not her child to reprimand! I also think in that situation you risk your children hearing a response that you'd really rather they didn't.

thecatsthecats · 07/12/2017 12:29

My sister is awful for this since she became a teacher, but then she also thinks she can boss adults about in the same way as kids if she doesn't like how they behave.

tendergreenbean · 07/12/2017 13:04

I think it sets a much worse example to shout at strangers when you don't get your own way!
I second using it as a learning opportunity, but to actually confront him? Wow.

Ilovewillow · 07/12/2017 13:11

Shouting at strangers isn't a great example to set either - she sounds barmy!! I occasionally run across the road to make the lights when I'm on my own but always tell my children not to run on the road!

Pollypudding · 07/12/2017 13:15

Children do not have the same ability to judge distance and speed as adults so it is up to them whether to cross the road against the light. Not breaking the law in this country. The woman was setting a very bad example to her child by shouting at a stranger.

crazycatgal · 07/12/2017 13:17

Is she going to shout out at any random adults that she sees smoking - telling them they're setting a bad example to her child? She needs to get a grip.

ProudAS · 07/12/2017 13:29

When I was that age I was told that it was OK for grown ups to not wait for the green man because they were old enough to know when they didn't need to but that I must always wait at my tender age - problem solved!

I don't see how it's setting a bad example to young children any more than handling kettles of boiling water or sharp knives.

AlexanderHamilton · 07/12/2017 13:33

As an adult I will make a judgment call. If I'm at a crossing & the road is empty or the only car is coming very slowly & is still quite a distance away I will cross as I can judge the speed etc.

A child cannot do this & When I'm with my children we wait for the green man. I would never dream of questioning another adults judgment call & I would not be happy at being yelled at myself.

TisapityshesaGeordie · 07/12/2017 13:40

I once got accused of "setting a bad example" to her children" by a mad woman in a 4x4 trying to force me off the road on which I had priority rather than waiting for me to pass. I'm still not sure how that worked.

Anyway. Unreasonable to expect strangers to give two hoots about the sort of example they give our children. When my DC have questioned adults crossing without the green man, I've just told them that we are not in charge of what other people do, only ourselves, and we wait for the green man because it's safer.

Original poster
AvenuesAndAlleyways · 07/12/2017 17:58

I sometimes think to myself I would never cross here if I had my children with me but as Pollypudding said, adults can judge distances that children can't. DD will be walking to school on her own soon so I'm very aware that I'm modelling road safety behaviour I would expect her to follow when I'm not there. I definitely wouldn't feel happy if I thought she would cross because someone else was.

OP posts:
Council · 07/12/2017 18:02

Interesting because if I'm waiting at the lights alongside a family, I do always wait for the green man, even though I'd go as soon as it's safe normally.

She was setting a far worse example to her children by berating him like that though.

Chrys2017 · 07/12/2017 18:32

It is very important for children to learn that grown-ups are allowed to do things that children are not. So yes she was BU.

ScreamingValenta · 07/12/2017 18:41

I wait if someone is standing there with a Guide Dog as I worry about confusing the dog if I start crossing, but not for children - I'd trust that any parent would be able to deal with the situation. There are lots of things that adults can do reasonably safely, but which would be dangerous for a child.

user1493413286 · 07/12/2017 18:47

I think thats odd; you’re always going to get people crossing the road on red so it’s better for children to learn to wait for the green man rather than copy other people.
I wonder if she also has a go at people who smoke on the street etc

cheminotte · 07/12/2017 18:48

Other parents crossing with their kids rather than waiting for the green man annoy me more than childless adults, but I'd never say anything directly. That is just weird. DS has started telling off parents who bring their dog onto the school grounds (against the rules and there is a sign saying so) and I'm having to tell him it's not always worth pointing out these things.

Chaosofcalm · 07/12/2017 19:04

I get embrassed when my 18 month tells people of in restaurants when they are on their phones.

Chaosofcalm · 07/12/2017 19:07

ScreamingValenta the person with the guide dog knows when to cross the road because underneath the green man button is a thing which spins round when the green man is on.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 07/12/2017 19:10

My friend told me an odd story a bit similar to this: she went to a playground with her then 6 y/o DS and another lady was there with her DS who looked to be around 4 y/o. Friend's DS was on the climbing frame and went on the monkey bars. The other lady's son started copying him and the lady went up to my friend and said "My DS isn't ready for the monkey bars as he's only little. Unfortunately your son has shown him what to do now" and then huffed off.

Some people are potty.