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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I had been naughtier as a child?

26 replies

brasty · 07/12/2017 09:35

I was a well behaved child who did what adults said. But sometimes I wish I had had more fun and been naughtier.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/12/2017 09:37

Kids don't have to be naughty to have fun.

Original poster
brasty · 07/12/2017 09:39

No they don't. But some naughtiness is fun.

OP posts:
Nazdarovye · 07/12/2017 09:40

Why???

Wanderwall · 07/12/2017 09:41

It's never too late...

monkeymamma · 07/12/2017 09:41

I know where you're coming from OP. I was a very good girl and often praised for that. Therefore in my life now I like to follow rules and 'excel in everything'. As an adult this can be exhausting. I also look with envy at other adults who have a 'devil may care' attitude and don't care who they piss off! I am so terrified of not pleasing somebody that it's paralysing sometimes.

Jenijena · 07/12/2017 09:42

I know what you mean. I was terribly fearful of my upsetting my dad and never pushed boundaries. I was also very academic and born to be middle aged. My younger sister was the one who went out in the evening first, came back drunk, asked for lifts, etc and they survived. I’m still miss goody two shoes in their eyes - not helped by the fact I settled down with the nice safe first boyfriend I had, got a decent job and pension etc, whilst my sister is the ‘irresponsible’ one who can’t settle on a ‘proper job’. It does us both a disservice...

MargaretCavendish · 07/12/2017 09:42

Is that you Theresa? I'm sure the cornfields thing was plenty of fun...

ginorwine · 07/12/2017 09:42

It's never too late to have a naughty childhood
Aging is not an option but other stuff is

UpEarly · 07/12/2017 09:44

OP I kind of feel the same. I was extremely compliant as a child, but really that came from being afraid of the consequences if I did anything wrong that might cause the adults to be cross with me. I look at children now, having fun and being a bit cheeky, or even being brave enough to push boundaries, and I wish I’d been that brave too. I feel like I missed out on the thrill of harmless non-compliance!

YANBU in my view

What’s made you feel like this?

Original poster
brasty · 07/12/2017 09:45

I wouldn't even have run through a cornfield as a child. I knew it would damage the farmers crops, and I would never do anything so naughty.
About the naughtiest thing I did was steal a biscuit from the biscuit tin. I was such a good girl. In reality I should have disobeyed some rules, some of the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
brasty · 07/12/2017 09:47

*UpEarly8 I had an incredibly strong sense of guilt. Still do. The naughtiest thing I have done as an adult is steal a 5p carrier in a self service checkout. And I honestly was scared as I walked outside that a security guard would stop me.

OP posts:
Council · 07/12/2017 09:51

Not sure about as a child, my "goodness" was always a source of pride to me and (I suspect) has quite a lot to do with my strong sense of self esteem now. I do think I should have been more rebellious as a teen though.

Zoomaa · 07/12/2017 09:55

I was naughty. I'm kind of glad I did some wild stuff, as I'm definitely not wild now.

Most of my childhood naughtiness I see now was an embarrassing and constant need for attention. I half feel sorry for me and half ashamed of me.

UpEarly · 07/12/2017 09:58

Ah yes the guilt and the fear! I was about to say that being ‘the good girl’ always seemed like the safe option, but actually we were living with guilt and fear constantly, controlling and limiting our behaviour. Ironic really.

It doesn’t have to be stealing that gives you the little thrill of feeling liberated though. Perhaps just - singing in a shop? Giggling in a library? Chatting in the cinema? Little things like that can now make me feel happy, if I’m no longer afraid of other people condemning me.

Civilsoot · 07/12/2017 09:58

Strange as I was thinking this myself very recently.

I find myself parenting my son much the same way as my mum did with me: that's never getting cross / angry, so never any raised voices, but she used a good dollop of guilt and disappointment instead.

I never acted up, not even as a teenager. Yes, you may not have to be naughty to have fun but I do feel like I missed out on a fair few teenage rights of passage.

Consequently, as an adult, I have terrible self-esteem issues and I'm a desperate people pleaser. Sometimes I think if I'd have thought 'fuck you, I'm 15 I'm going to Jade's house party, I'm going to drink her mum's Taboo and pass out' I might be more able to stand up for myself as an adult? Even if what I want to do isn't necessarily in my best interests?

Original poster
brasty · 07/12/2017 10:01

Glad some people here understand this.

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 07/12/2017 10:05

I was the youngest child, and it still rankles that in spite of being no trouble at all, I inherited the rules and strictness that were made up for each of my older siblings in turn (curfews, boyfriends, trips etc - all in place due to the older ones). I never went near the fecking boundary, but still got wrapped in cotton wool and kept on a short leash. Grr.

thecatsthecats · 07/12/2017 10:06

Oh, though tbf, I have run through a field of wheat.

No, I'm not Theresa May, but in her defence, it was kinda fun.

silkpyjamasallday · 07/12/2017 10:24

I was an impeccably behaved child and teen, I did have one single glorious summer of rebellion at 14 but never got caught, my parents had no reason to think I was out smoking weed and having sex because I told them I was doing extra revision at an equally 'perfect' friends house. I didn't even really enjoy it all that much as I was so fearful of getting punished, but I look back on that summer with such a rose tinted view because it is the only time in my life I did anything for myself just because I wanted to, and pushed back against my well-meaning but strict and controlling parents.

I think I struggle now because I derived all my self worth from pleasing others and meeting the high expectations that were placed on me, and that has endured into adulthood. I have rock bottom self esteem now as I was trained to only feel good when pleasing others and being 'successful', and since I had a breakdown at university due to years of pressure I have been punishing myself for being a 'failure'. I feel constantly guilty and panic if I give off even the slightest impression of not being perfect or being out of control. The last few years have been a constant shitstorm and I have run myself into the ground to conceal it from everyone. I feel as if I don't even know my own mind or what I would enjoy or want to do because I have limited myself to others expectations my whole life, I feel guilty for doing anything nice for myself. I feel I have wasted the best years of my life and feel majorly resentful about it.

TheWitchAndTrevor · 07/12/2017 10:35

Well I was such a good girl, until I hit my teens (for many screwed up reasons) I didn't care about what anyone thought, and didnt care about myself. I Refused any help I would do things my way or no way. Would break rules just because.

It stopped me from really doing very well in life, but luckily my streak of determination and and self drive meant I managed to pull myself out of my self destructive cycle.

I now sometimes wish I hadn't been naughty/rebellious, and feel ashamed of the the many lost opportunities I through away. (Not to mention how my behaviour impacted on people around me)

I am not at all rebellious now, and stickler for rules (unless they are pointless, rules for rules sake, then I feel annoyed/boarding angry and want to challenge them Grin )

FWIW I don't regret my life, but also I know my naughtness, royaly fucked up my chances.

What is it you feel you have missed out on? How do you feel your life would be better if you had been naughty?

Sorry if this cross posts with you OP, I've written it between appointments.

c3pu · 07/12/2017 11:04

I was as good as gold as a child, and still am as an adult.

TBFH I think I may well have been better off in life with a bit more of a rebellious streak and a healthy disregard for authority.

tampinfuminragin · 07/12/2017 12:53

I was naughty for you OP.

My poor parents. I was fine in primary school but when I went to secondary, I don't know what happened.

clarabowsandopentoes · 07/12/2017 12:57

I understand you OP.

I'm making up for it now in my late 40's and intend to go fully feral at 50.

AnaisB · 07/12/2017 13:05

I get you, but although you can't change your childhood you can change things now. What is it you'd want to do - care less about authority now, be more impulsive, break some rules? You have a lot of options to try! Wink

oldlaundbooth · 07/12/2017 13:06

I totally agree op.

I wish I'd broken more rules.