To think my 12.5 year old dsd should be able to think of something herself by now...

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Happy to be told I’m being Aibu as I don’t know any other 12 year old girls!!
I have helped dsd with presents for her dad the last few years. Which is basically meant I’ve chosen something, bought it and wrapped and and she has just handed it over. This has been because she’s never really had an idea of what to buy or only a very vague idea, and I’ve been fine with that as she was younger. However, she’s messaged me again asking what she could get for her dad and still has nothing more than the very vaguest of ideas. I don’t mind buying it and wrapping it or providing the money for her to get it but I really feel at 12.5 she should be coming up with something herself - I know dh would appreciate this a lot more than something that I have blatantly chosen for him!
I just want to check with those who have 12 year old girls if this is right or if you would still be expecting to chose presents on their behalf?

Or if she googles gifts for men websites like firebox, menkind come up. Dh usually takes my dd's 10 and 13 shopping to pick for me and i do the same.

Would she consider making something for him? My dd's (now 17 & 12) have always liked doing this. They definitely consider themselves too sophisticated for this stuff generally but, at Christmas time, quite enjoy making something because they know their dad & I love it.
They often go to a local pottery painting cafe, sometimes with a friend with a similar present problem, and paint mugs or tree decorations. We had a lovely painted photo frame with a picture of them in it one year and a painted moneybox one year because dh leaves piles of coppers lying around which drives me potty.
Redbubble can sell you a t-shirt or mug with pretty much any hobby, fave tv show, political point etc on it.
My dsd, aged 32, still asks for ideas for her dad. If I don't have any, she works it out for herself but he's hard buy for so I do try and help.

I'm nearly 50, been with my DH for over 20 years and I still don't know what presents to get him
Some people are great at buying presents.
Some people are impossible to buy for.
At 12.5, even if she had an idea, she might not have the confidence just to get it without checking it was 'right', he hadn't asked for something specific, he already had one etc.
Maybe start giving her a short list of ideas and then she can choose something from that and organise it herself? Does she have the opportunity and/or resources to buy her own gifts?

I choose it, buy it and wrap it and she just hands it over which all feels a bit pointless

To be honest, I think you’re confusing the issue of ‘effort’ here. It’s fair enough if she asks for suggestions of what to get. Quite frankly the need to suddenly develop psychic powers around birthdays and Christmas is rather annoying and stressful. Much better to ask someone who may know better. The effort comes in finding that gift, buying it and wrapping it, may a nice note or card as well. Why can’t she do any of those bits herself, if you give her the money to do so? Once less thing for you to do and she’s actually made an effort, win win.

Seeline she’s now of the age where she seems to be forever going shopping And I’m quite happy to pay for it so resources not an issue.

It sounds like I just need to continue as is for the moment then, but I think maybe this year I will leave it for her to wrap up though.

the thing that strikes me is not that you need ot help her chose it, but that you then buy it and wrap it.

My 10 year old has wrapped (sometimes with help) the things she has given to family and friends for ages.

I think it is quite reasonable for her to ask for help, give her some ideas, and then she can go and buy it. If you HAVE to buy it, let her wrap it etc

Agree with the majority opinion here - she's not unusual.

My father made it very easy for us - he chose a 'thing' that he told us he loved and appeared delighted every year when we gave it to him. It allowed us to 'surprise' him with the thing. It was also very cheap. It became quite the ritual of Christmas.

('Thing' was a Terry's chocolate orange when we were younger and is something a little different now.)

It wasn't until I was well into adulthood (my late 40s, to be honest,) that I realised it was a case of him helping us choose a small present for him. Bless him.

Could her father help out by doing something similar?

I can't ever remember choosing a gift myself for my dad as a child. It's pretty normal that a 12yo girl wouldn't know what to buy for a man, especially if she doesn't see him very often she won't know him all that well.

My step-children were rubbish at choosing my husband presents when they were children (they are adults now) one time they got him after-shave. He has had a beard for the whole 27 years we've been together (and before we met!)

I know what you're saying OP, but some people just can't think of good ideas, it's very frustrating for you

It’s hard for a lot of adults to buy gifts for their close family, never mind a child. And as you’ve indicated you live fairly far away from each other, how often does she see him? A young girl won’t necessarily know what an adult male she doesn’t live with would like, even if he is her father, if she’s not around to pick up the little things he mentions or see what he has bought himself. When I moved far away from my brother I found it harder to buy presents because I don’t know what he is buying for himself and I didn’t have as many long conversations with him. She’s just a child and the things she is aware of are vastly different. I find it hard to buy for people who have very different lives/interests to me just because you don’t quite know what’s best/what they do! By all means get her to wrap it or give 3 suggestions she can choose from if it makes you feel better, but I’d give her a break.

I don’t see anything wrong with this. Shes only 12. My DH mum asks me what to buy him every year, she’s in her 60’s!

Interesting. Both of mine (ds, 13 & dd, 11) have been responsible for choosing and buying/paying/budgeting for gifts for close family at Christmas and birthdays for a few years now, although it has to be admitted that they do have a few 'go tos' (e.g. dh is very likely to get either coffee or pants!) they are definitely getting better at it - it's certainly a skill...
I would be getting her to do more, tbh. Can you suggest some shops (that you know are in the places she shops regularly) and present types, and tell her how much it would mean if she picked? I'd go gentle facilitation at this stage :-)

Can you just give her a theme?

Like a hobby, a TV show, or an upcoming holiday. Something like that.

My father made it very easy for us - he chose a 'thing' that he told us he loved and appeared delighted every year when we gave it to him. It allowed us to 'surprise' him with the thing. It was also very cheap. It became quite the ritual of Christmas.

Oh yes same - my dad 'loves' smelly soap. Cheap nad easy to buy when you are 12 bless him.

I never bought my parents gifts when I was a child, for mothers day/parents birthdays they got an enthusiastic happy birthday/hug and we all had cake. I started buying when I was an adult and earning my own money.

ds doesn't buy us gifts either, on mothers day dh buys a box of chocs/bottle of wine/card which they give me.

I don't see the point of faking present giving from children to parents (or any other family member).

What about suggesting to her that she chooses a nice photo of her and Dad (or just her if she's struggling) and chooses a frame to put it in? You could post a gift card for somewhere that sells frames to her if she's struggling for ££.
You can buy engraved Parker Pens from Amazon: send her an Amazon gift card to load onto Amazon for her to order herself or ask her to go online and choose which one she likes and tell you the message she'd like on it. i.e. pass part of the responsibility to her but help. Good luck!

Its how long is a piece of string, depending how well she actually knows her dad and how difficult he is to buy for.

How often does she see her dad, if you live a long way apart?

My 12 year old DD chooses something herself for DH - but she lives with him obviously! Its usually something edible tbh - she knows his favourite treat snacks because she sees him every single day and spends almost every evening in the same room as him, plus he hardly ever enters a shop (really, a few times a year) so he never buys himself those little treats, and they actually are a lovely thought!

She most certainly couldn't choose for my father (her grandfather) because she doesn't see him very often, living a long way away. TBH it is impossible to buy for my parents anyway as they have plenty of money and buy themselves whatever without a second thought - there is nothing that isn't very expensive that they've been hankering after and not just bought for themselves, and it's been that way for as long as I can remember.

If your DSD only sees her dad in the school holidays and he tends to buy himself (or you buy him) all the little bits and bobs she might realistically cotton on that he might like which might be within her budget I couldn't blame her for never getting the hang of buying for her dad.

However if she sees him every weekend and they actually hang about together (rather than rushing about doing activities/ visiting relatives or ignoring one another in companionable silence on gadgets) so really know one another, and he does have things he'd like which he doesn't just constantly buy for himself, then 12 is fully old enough to choose for herself.

We see her every 3rd weekend and she and dh spend hours in the car talking to each other and the weekends are fairly relaxed. And of course they FaceTime etc.

Plus I think there is a difference in what a thoughtful present from a child is compared to another adult - a child sees some nice looking chocolate and thinks daddy would like it for example, no ones expecting them to search for the limited edition such and such that he mentioned in passing two years ago!

a child sees some nice looking chocolate and thinks daddy would like it for example

But that does require them to go shopping themselves - I mean, I don't know what her 'very vaguest of ideas' are, but surely 'something nice to eat' falls into that category? For this reason I do think you'd be better off giving her the money and telling her to shop for it herself, as then she can pick out some tacky 'daddy' chocolate from Thornton's or whatever, whereas if it has to go through you then 'chocolate' isn't really much of the work of picking.

I'm 47 and don't have the first clue what to buy my Dad.

I don't understand why her asking for ideas equates to you buying it and wrapping it? Especially if she often goes shopping herself..why not just reply with some ideas? That seems like standard Christmas stuff to me, our whole family are all asking for ideas for so-and-so this time of year.

Can you spend a bit of time when she's at yours looking at stuff online? eg Bananagram - heaps of fun if you like that sort of thing :)
If she won't be there before Xmas/in time to buy maybe exchange links by message.

auntlydia because I pay for it so it was just easier to buy it, it’s only now she’s older and seems to be shopping with her friends most weekends that it seems like she would have more opportunity to buy something herself.
And I guess I just fell in to the habit of wrapping it so it was ready for when she got to our house.

But thats not what she's asking you to do this year is it? She's asking you for ideas, so give her ideas! It seems to me like she's trying to take some responsibility herself, she's just looking to a trusted adult for a bit of guidance. Don't take over and buy it and wrap it.