Okay I'll admit, posting here for traffic and maybe the harshness of AIBU is what I need.
I hate the person I've become in the last couple of months.
DP says I'm emotionally and physically abusive. And he's right. Over the last few months I've thrown stuff at him, shouted and sworn at him and just generally become an awful person. God only knows why he's still with me. He deserves so much better. I don't even realise I'm getting so bad until way after things have calmed down. How can I stop being so awful when I don't even realise what I'm doing?!
I'm on a counselling waiting list and I'm also waiting to see the psychiatrist. I'm off work at the moment as I'm feeling so unwell.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going to lose him and he'd probably be so much better for it.
I got a disciplinary in work because I shouted and swore at somebody and DP stopped me from killing myself last night. I should probably tell the crisis team I need to be admitted but I'm so so scared of being stuck in there without DP and I realise that in itself is messed up.