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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do we split this cost?

87 replies

roshi42 · 06/12/2017 14:26

So my mother wants a fairly expensive present for Christmas and we're splitting it among the siblings. There's me, my two sisters and each of their partners. Some discussion about whether we split the cost 5 ways or 3. Or somewhere in the middle! I kind of think the guys should pay less as she's not actually their mother, but splitting it 3 ways feels like I'm paying double because I'm single? All names will just be on the tag equally, of course. Your thoughts? It's not a huge deal or anything, just wondered what everyone thought was most reasonable!

OP posts:
chocatoo · 06/12/2017 15:12

To be fair, you have a point about them having to buy for other set of parents too but yr Mum will buy for your sisters and their fellas...soo complicated!!

Be3Al2Si6O18 · 06/12/2017 15:12

You need to split the cost based on each person's IQ, looks and all round greatness. The idea is that people big themselves up around the dinner table, preferably after a couple of glasses of wine. The cost is then carved up relative to each person's self-ingratiated bigness.

RestingGrinchFace · 06/12/2017 15:13

I would say three ways. But more importantly why is a grown woman making requests for Christmas presents?!

iggleypiggly · 06/12/2017 15:13

3 ways. You are her children, the partners aren’t.

pipnchops · 06/12/2017 15:15

3 ways unless you really can't afford it.

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2017 15:16

We do usually all buy gifts individually, so I've got the partners separate things from my sisters, and often presents will be given from partners only rather than jointly. Perhaps as we all get older that will stop and we'll revert to presents to and from 'households

Ok, this might change it, how old are you all? Yes it would be normal to buy the individual partner a gift for Xmas from you or a joint one dependent on what it was, but it would be unusual for thr partner to give seperate gifts in addition to their partner.

So to clarify the usual norms:
you get a gift from sis and partner.
You give either a gift each to sis and partner or one larger joint gift for both.
You give a gift from you to your mum
Your sister and partner gives gift from her and her partner to your mum. Budget would not increase as there was two of them.

What would be weird would be sister gives a present to your mum from her and then her partner gives anothrr present to your mum from him/her.

Unless of course you are all very young and these are not committed relationships? Then this would change the answers

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 06/12/2017 15:17

I've been there OP, but splitting 3 ways is still fair. You're not buying for a partner's parents, as other posters have pointed out.

In terms of percentages, that would come out to 25%, 37.5% and 37.5%

I think suggesting anything like this might raise an eyebrow or two in my family.

toriatoriatoria · 06/12/2017 15:17

I'd say split it 3 ways.

I buy gifts for my family, DH buys gifts for his family, all presents are "gifted" from both of us.

pipnchops · 06/12/2017 15:20

My brother is in your position and he'd pay a third in this scenario unless times we hard for him. My mum does spend more on his present though, to make up for the fact that she buys presents for mine and my other brothers partners as well as us.

Blobby10 · 06/12/2017 15:22

3 ways - I am one of four siblings, 3 of 4 of us has a partner and will put their name on the label but only ever split the cost 4 ways if we share presents

Darlingsof · 06/12/2017 15:30

3 ways! Unless you can afford it between the siblings then 5 ways with all 5 names credited for the pressie...

expatinscotland · 06/12/2017 15:36

What kind of mum tells her kids she wants an expensive present for Xmas? Who are these mothers? I can't imagine even mentioning something like that to my kids and they're having to consider how to split the cost. That's pretty selfish.

MadeForThis · 06/12/2017 15:39

It would depend on how presents to your mother are usually split.

If your sister would usually spend £20 and her partner buy a separate present costing £20 and you would spend £20 on your present then split it 5 ways.

If they usually buy a joint gift for £20 and you spend £20 then split it 3 ways.

Evelynismyspyname · 06/12/2017 15:41

What kind of mum tells her kids she wants an expensive present for Xmas? Who are these mothers? I can't imagine even mentioning something like that to my kids and they're having to consider how to split the cost. That's pretty selfish.

This is true with bells on, unless the mother is very poor due to ill health or other unavoidable circumstance and her well off children are buying her something she could never afford but which most people own and that will make her life considerably easier - like a laptop perhaps, or a tumble dryer, or some item of furniture that will make her life easier but which isn't an actual essential and she can't afford...

Abra1d · 06/12/2017 15:49

3 ways.

carefreeeee · 06/12/2017 15:59

3 ways - the partners have their own parents to buy for so everyone has to buy presents for 2 parents effectively (assuming all are alive and have not remarried!) so it works out equal. You won't have to buy something for your non existent partner's mother so you win on that one

Viviennemary · 06/12/2017 16:01

I think should you should all get your own present. It makes it too complicated. If all five names on the tag then five ways. Three names on the tag then three ways.

Original poster
roshi42 · 06/12/2017 16:10

Just to defend my mother, it's not that expensive! She's just one of those people who never really wants anything, so this year she's said actually I want this one thing that you can all go in on and no more. It won't break the bank for any of us. Of course we do all want to give little things we've found too. We also all do Christmas stockings, including for my parents! That'll horrify some of you Grin

I'm not feeling hard done by or anything - genuinely an academic question out of curiosity. It's swings and roundabouts on both sides... same with my couple friends. They have double families to buy for, but I end up buying presents for two people and getting one back (which is fine! There's really no way of talking about money or presents without sounding ghastly and demanding, lol). Guess it's only the same as birthdays really, when you think about it. Fair enough!

OP posts:
Original poster
roshi42 · 06/12/2017 16:13

Oh, and we're in our 20s; committed relationships but not married and no kids yet. Still a fairly 'young' lot I think. Like I say, all will change when we have children - which I am closer to doing than either of my sisters, ironically! At which point I suspect there will be no money for any of this fun!

OP posts:
LordSugarWillSeeYouNow · 06/12/2017 16:16

3 ways is how I would do it. Can you afford that? Is there a big difference between 3/5 ways?

Other option is to do it as a percentage...

E.g. £100 present sister 1 pays £35 as does sister 2 and you pay £30 so it's slightly less than 3 ways and will be a bigger difference the more expensive the cost.

eastlondoner · 06/12/2017 16:16

Definitely 3 ways.

Taffeta · 06/12/2017 16:18

3 ways. Your sisters have to pay for partners parents presumably

wednesdayswench · 06/12/2017 16:21

3 way split.

Even if partners names are in the card, they are irrelevant here as gift for DM is from 3 siblings, also the sisters with partners will be buying for partners' parents and family etc. too.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 06/12/2017 16:22

We have the same issue as my husbands brothers are unmarried. He puts 50% in, they each pay 25%.

I think that if the partner’s name go on the tag, they should contribute equally. Yes they have to buy for their own parents too but I bet they get their own present from their ‘in-laws’ too. Did I explain that right? What I mean is, I get a present from my in-laws so why shouldn’t I contribute to their gift?

I have been arguing for years that we should just buy our own gifts for his parents to avoid all this nonsense. It’s easier just to chip in though.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 06/12/2017 16:24

Ps, we also spend more on his brother’s presents than they do on ours because we just have to buy for them - they buy for their brother, the wife (me) and our kids.

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