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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do we split this cost?

87 replies

roshi42 · 06/12/2017 14:26

So my mother wants a fairly expensive present for Christmas and we're splitting it among the siblings. There's me, my two sisters and each of their partners. Some discussion about whether we split the cost 5 ways or 3. Or somewhere in the middle! I kind of think the guys should pay less as she's not actually their mother, but splitting it 3 ways feels like I'm paying double because I'm single? All names will just be on the tag equally, of course. Your thoughts? It's not a huge deal or anything, just wondered what everyone thought was most reasonable!

OP posts:
Original poster
roshi42 · 06/12/2017 14:51

Interesting! Overwhelmingly 3 ways so we will do that, thanks all.

We do usually all buy gifts individually, so I've got the partners separate things from my sisters, and often presents will be given from partners only rather than jointly. Perhaps as we all get older that will stop and we'll revert to presents to and from 'households'. No kids yet which I'm sure will change everything.

Good point about them having double parents to buy for, NannyR!

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 06/12/2017 14:51

3 ways, between the three siblings

ifonly4 · 06/12/2017 14:52

Agree three ways, unless partners it's usual in your family for partners to buy presents as well for their inlaws.

Cupcakegirl13 · 06/12/2017 14:52

Defo 3 ways

TheRealSuperDad · 06/12/2017 14:54

I think it's fairly unanimous, however just in case..... 3 ways. However, I will say that if you cannot afford to pay a third you either need to explain this to your siblings and find a proportion that suits all your financial situations or alternatively you need to explain to your mother you can't afford to buy her the gift and get her something else that is within your means. I know personally that if I was in a similar scenario with my family, in either situation given above, both parties would be accomodating and understanding.

chocatoo · 06/12/2017 14:55

Oh, I'm going to go against the flow and say that seems a bit unfair on OP as the couples are likely to have tons more disposable income...if that is the case then I think as PP suggested it would be fair to divide by 4: 1 1.5, 1.5.

iboughtsnowboots · 06/12/2017 14:55

3 ways, unless one unit is a lot poorer in which case in my family they usually pay a bit less and everyone else agrees to pay a bit more.

Ellie56 · 06/12/2017 14:57

3 ways. Each child pays 1/3.

The partners names may be put on the tag but are irrelevant really. If they weren't the partner of your sibling they wouldn't be buying a present at all would they?

user1493413286 · 06/12/2017 14:58

I’m going to disagree with the majority as I spend more on DMs present now I’m with someone as she gets him a separate present but I wouldn’t say 5 ways either. When me, my partner and sister bought something costing £90 for our parents me and my sister put in £35 each and my partner put in £20 as that seemed fair.
I think what it comes down to is how much you normally spend, if splitting it 3 ways means it’s what you normally spend that’s ok but if it’s more it seems unfair

DrPill · 06/12/2017 14:58

3 ways

Be3Al2Si6O18 · 06/12/2017 14:58

Just to be different. 4 ways.

nokidshere · 06/12/2017 14:59

3 ways

There are 5 of us and we all have partners so we split equally 5 ways unless someone is skint, then they pay what they can and we split the rest between us.

Branleuse · 06/12/2017 14:59

3 ways from me too

Be3Al2Si6O18 · 06/12/2017 14:59

Work that one out Grin

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 06/12/2017 15:00

3 ways here as well. We often do this as my mum has expensive expectation and rather than give something she will complain about we 'club' together. It then is labelled from sister, sister, brother not actually including partners (mine and my brothers) but its implied that its from everyone and then my dc buy her a token gift to Grandma.

NannyR · 06/12/2017 15:01

They won't have tons of disposable income though as they will be most likely spending equal amounts on gifts for the partners side of the family.

I agree it sounds unfair but it's par for the course with being single.

fruitbrewhaha · 06/12/2017 15:02

3 ways.
I buy for my parents from my dp. He buys for his parents.
So your sisters dps will be buying for their parents.

Eatalot · 06/12/2017 15:02

3 ways. I know you think you are paying more but you are not. You siblings partners and siblings money is one pot, why should they pay more to subsidise you? I wouldnt be happy subsidising dsil when i have my own parents to buy for.

JingsMahBucket · 06/12/2017 15:02

I agree with chocatoo. 1, 1.5 and 1.5 seems fair enough to me.

In terms of percentages, that would come out to 25%, 37.5% and 37.5%.

That feels fair to me.

Evelynismyspyname · 06/12/2017 15:03

3 ways.

Unless you have a very, very unusual scenario in which the partners normally buy their MIL a separate present on their own, or you three siblings would have bought a cheaper present if the partners weren't chipping in? Partners names on the card are just a formality, nobody is ever under the impression they have paid for a share of the present for their partner's parent.

Shared presents are generally a minefield though. I'll never do it again after siblings presented as a done deal that I would pay an equal share of a very expensive present (at a time when money was a worry) which they then forgot to mention was from me - my parent thought I'd forgotten and phoned and told me passive aggressively about the lovely present my siblings had bought!

Chewbecca · 06/12/2017 15:04

3 ways. My reasoning being my budget for my gift to my mum didn't increase when I got married & started putting DH on the tag.

WitchesHatRim · 06/12/2017 15:06

bit unfair on OP as the couples are likely to have tons more disposable income

Big leap to assume that just because you are a couple you have tonnes of disposable income.

They will have the expense of buying for partners family too which OP wont.

countycouncil · 06/12/2017 15:07

3 ways if everyone is on a relatively similar income. Recently got my parents a joint present worth €800. Eldest sibling gave €500 because he's a much higher than me and DH or younger sibling and his wife. Everyone happy with that and would do the same if we were the bigger earners.

Evelynismyspyname · 06/12/2017 15:09

Its fairly likely siblings with partners will have less disposable income actually, depending on life phase.

When I was a single full time working woman I had the same income just for myself, as we had between 5 of us (and with double the extended family to buy for) in the years the children were very small. Our outgoings were exponentially higher.

The richest time of my life so far (now mid 40s and married with kids), in terms of money left after bills which I could fling about on expensive presents for my parents, was my single 20s when I happily worked all hours, lived in a tiny flat which I was rarely actually in except to sleep so had low running costs, and had no dependents. That is the experience of a lot of my peers too.

FizzyGreenWater · 06/12/2017 15:10

Yes the double parents thing does make it fair!

You pay more here but you don't have a bf's mum/dad to buy for.