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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is Dh a prize twat

45 replies

sibble · 20/04/2007 06:43

I know most of you are still in bed so am more venting than expecting an answer (and trying not to open that lovely bottle of red that is calling to me) so here goes.....

Dh was meant to have taken off this week from work, the second week of the school hols, I found out this wasn't going to be the case while excitedly telling a friend about all the lovely thinsg we had planned - he just cut me dead with an 'I'm not taking the week off, too many other people off blah blah, too busy blah blah, what do you expect of me blah blah. I'll tag some days onto the weekends and we'll have some long weekends'. Did he ...no . but he'll take the odd day - did he ...no BUT he managed to take a day off last week for a corporate fishing trip. When I said how could he possibly spare the time 'don't I know how many trips he turns down how lucky I am that he doesn't go on as many trips as others blah blah' well strangely enough I don't consider myself lucky. As tomorrow he's off to play golf in the afternoon, watching rugby late afternoon, staying overnight, then he'll be home by 8am Sunday 'cos he's being picked up to go to watch the V8 racing, hold the dinner I'll be late and would have been entertained in the corporate tents all day. So I just called him to see if he was nearly home, might like to see the boys before they go to bed, being the end of school hols and him being away and all that at the weekend. Boys get up at 5.30 am usually, he gets home 7-7.30pm once they are in bed or on their way. Well he's at work, if he leaves now he'll sit in traffic, why am I so unreasonable, why is everything such a big deal.

Well excuse me but having just entertained 2 boys for the 2 + weeks hols on my own and the thought of this weekend looming just wanted to double check that it's not me being unreasonable.

Well they say putting it in writing is meant to make you feel better so why is the steam still coming out of my ears

That's me done for now am off to sharpen the knives and take another look at that bottle of red

OP posts:
Shoshable · 20/04/2007 06:52

Breathe Sibble , Breathe, OK deep breaths,
and Know you are NOT being unreasonable. I would kill him!

Haven't really got any advice, just wanted you to breathe.

sibble · 20/04/2007 06:54

am trying, it's the steam coming out of my ears that's the problem. what a twat. aaarrrrrrrrrrrhggggggghh

OP posts:
carol3 · 20/04/2007 07:02

he's a self centered twat
but I have come to conclusion that they all are!

yogimum · 20/04/2007 07:03

He is been very unreasonable! Go on strike! Don't do his washing, cooking and see what happens.
Hey Shoshable I'm also in DT11 area!

HEIFER · 20/04/2007 07:09

he is bang out of order.....

If he had only cancelled his time off during the school holidays I would think fair enough, sometimes works does have to take priority, DH has had to cancel time off before

BUT after reading what he is doing this weekend,

I would think what a tosser.. Me, Me, Me.

He get to Play golf, then watch rugby, stay overnight then go V8 racing..

This sounds like a single blokes weekend, not a dads..

I would def put my foot down about this, even if you do get a mouthfull...

W*anker I think...

Although, if this is a complete one off that has been planned for ages, then fair enough, but it sounds like it is his typical weekend....

twentypence · 20/04/2007 07:09

He has been unreasonable - maybe not by working (though I am personally with you on that one) but doing work style entertaining, persuing his own interests and hobbies, whilst doing absolutely nothing with his own children for 2 weeks. Holidays or not - 2 weeks with no input from dad is unreasonable.

I thank my lucky stars that dh works 9-5 with a 15 minute commute and is not in the least bit ambitious.

escape · 20/04/2007 07:09

My god, are you married to my husband???
He KNOWS he's being unreasonable, but his pathetic mae pride puts him in denial, and does exactly what my spoilt child of a hubby would do - continue with more of same as if ina an 'I'll show you' type way
I'm steaming now too!
Please don't open that bottle of red btw

twentypence · 20/04/2007 07:11

Open the wine - the sun is well past the yard arm, the holidays are over (because weekends don't count) and you survived.

Are you working at the moment?

anotherfoodaddict · 20/04/2007 07:13

prize twat I'm afraid

bonkerz · 20/04/2007 07:17

Twat! My advice would be to sort out a girly weekend with a mate JUST FOR YOU and give him prior warning ie you need to book so and so date off cos im away and you need to have boys! Ive just done this to my DH and he couldnt say a word cos im taking my kids away for 2 weekends and he doesnt wanna come!!!

sibble · 20/04/2007 07:22

twentypence - I run my own business from home and freelance for the Uni - so have the option of not working school hols. Which I don't - I know I'm lucky.

Heifer, that's part of the problem if it was a one off I probably wouldn't mind, but I can't remember the last holiday he didn't cancel when I hadn't actually booked flights so we would lose money He even does it when he organises for my step son (his son) to come for the holidays and leaves me with 3 - ages 15-2 what do you do to entertain that age gap!!

OP posts:
BigEggLittleEgg · 20/04/2007 07:37

He is being very unreasonable. I can just imagine that scenario you mentioned, when you are saying all the planned activities for the week and he just says casually "actually I'm working". And as for all the fun activities he's planned for himself...

He is being a nob-end.

colditz · 20/04/2007 07:41

what an utter cock!

have you tried simply saying, when he says "I'm working"

"Er, no you are fucking not, if you don't come home and spend some time with your poor kids I shall bring them to you and leave them with you, you selfish twat!"

sibble · 20/04/2007 07:45

colditz, rofl, I so wish I could, I can just picture his face , with that and the glass of wine I've had, I succumbed, I have to add it's 6.45pm in NZ so I'm not guzzling for breakfast has cheered me up no end. Now have to wait fo rthe face of thunder to arrive home as I've dared to spoil his weekend by thinking it unreasonable. ho hum don't care anymore

OP posts:
escape · 20/04/2007 08:13

sorry sibble, really thought you were contemplating that Vino before 7am!
that'll teach me...

Beetrootccio · 20/04/2007 08:25

sorry but I would certainly sort this out and go to relate if possible. You need to learn to talk to each other and make him understand that you and the children need more time with him.

It is not something I would put up with tbh.

LadyMacbeth · 20/04/2007 08:32

lol Colditz, an utter cock indeed!

Sibble I think we are winding you up even more by agreeing! Is there any chance you could schedule a time in his busy life for the two of you to sit down and talk? It sounds like you are at each others' throats too much for any rational conversation to take place. I would seriously have to tell him firmly that he needs to get his priorities sorted. If you do it in a very cool controlled yet firm way he will sit up and listen and maybe learn to respect what you do. I'm not saying you haven't tried this of course, I'm just saying that from my own experience taking control and being the 'adult' (as he sounds like he's being the child!) is a good way to get results!

twentypence · 20/04/2007 09:10

I don't work school holidays either - but dh has done just the same amount with ds as he normally would, and the same amount of housework come to that.

NineUnlikelyTales · 20/04/2007 09:23

That's the adult approach Ladymacbeth. My version would be to get up and out of the house tomorrow morning at 5.25am before your boys get up, and stay out until such time as you feel fit. Maybe you could ring a few times to say you are having your nails done, in the pub etc and will be late.

Mind you, what you would do with yourself at 5.25am on a Saturday I don't know - maybe a 24 hour Tesco?

agnesnitt · 20/04/2007 11:49

I second NineUnlikelyTales.

What is good for him will be even better for you. Confiscate his cash card and take yourself out for the day.

Agnes

mytwopenceworth · 20/04/2007 11:51

why do you put up with this? i mean, i'm asking in all seriousness. why?

colditz · 20/04/2007 12:58

You may not beleive this, but I was serious!

NineUnlikelyTales · 20/04/2007 13:05

Colditz it sounds like you have had some practice!

Manictigger · 20/04/2007 13:08

Colditz and mytwopence.. I agree with you both. I'm starting to think I'm married to a saint when I read a lot of these threads. And I feel guilty because I want to scream 'Can you really face living like this for the next X number of years. Leave the tosser' but then I know that encouraging someone to break up a relationship where there are children is probably not wise or moral (even though this is on the net and the OP is prob only venting temporary rage and has no intention of taking a stranger's advice)

colditz · 20/04/2007 13:09

i have, in a way, I would NEVER put up with that, I personally would have left him, but understand that some people don't like confrontation.

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