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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad that we will be poorer if i move in with dp than if we live seperately?

88 replies

malificent7 · 05/12/2017 17:10

Been with dp 2 years...still going very well. We want to move in together. If we do i will loose Universal Credit which means that we will be both worse off as he stretches in income to bridge the gap.
Money is tight as it is but it will put strain on us if we really struggle.

Aibu to think it should be cheaper to live with a dp? I thought this governent were all for promoting family cohesion. Im not buying it

OP posts:
KathArtic · 05/12/2017 18:00

But you wouldn't be struggling if you used your degree and teaching experience and got a teaching post, rather than the two zero hour contracts you said you had on a previous post and have to claim the UC you so despise..

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 18:01

Did you even bother to read the rest of my post Migraleve? I KNOW it is. I said that in the rest of my post you quoted? Confused

Auspiciouspanda · 05/12/2017 18:01

Tax credits are still a benefit based on your earnings.

And you can't assume the op isn't receiving the personal allowance or housing allowance components are she clearly isn't working full time.

Migraleve · 05/12/2017 18:03

I meant to quote more jon

But the WTF still applies. The OP IS on benefits.

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 18:03

How can you be worse off when you will only have one lot of rent/ mortgage to pay, meals can be cooked together etc ?

Because the dp wont get their cheap lodgings anymore...

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2017 18:03

I'm also confused about a benefit being a benefit, but not for MN purposes?

Do you mean it's not unemployment benefit?

Migraleve · 05/12/2017 18:04

It's just a lot of shite. There is no such thing as MN purposes in the real word. UC is a benefit.

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 18:04

And you can't assume the op isn't receiving the personal allowance

What's the personal allowance?

Peanutbuttercheese · 05/12/2017 18:06

It's up to him if he wants to be worse off by moving in with a woman with dc. Or if he wants to still live like a youngster in a shared house and not becoming part of a family unit.

Sort out what's actually important to you both.

Pickleypickles · 05/12/2017 18:06

I guess atm tho OP gets X amount a month wages and UC that is hers to pay her bills, child care, birthdays etc. And when she moves in with her partner she will lose that independence.

If DP earns £1000 and OP gets £1000 wages And £500 UC then effectively OP FEELS like she is taking a £500 a month pay cut.

I get that in reality it isnt like that due to amalgamated costs but it must still feel shit.

If i was OP i would be very worried i was leaving myself financially reliant on a man that has no legal obligation to me.

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 18:06

No Worra I was being sarcastic because normally when you point out tax credits IS a benefit you get slated.

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2017 18:07

Oh, ok.

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 18:08

But she isn't taking a £500 paycut. She's having £1000 pay rise effectively.

Unless he's planning as being as tight as a ducks arse and leaving the OP to foot the bill for everything.

Migraleve · 05/12/2017 18:09

That wasn't sarcasm jon that was you defending saying the OP was not on benefits Hmm your view seems to change according to what other posters say. If that's your idea of sarcasm it isn't working out very well for you.

Pickleypickles · 05/12/2017 18:12

Shes not though jon it would be a £500 a month pay rise at most.
Except then you have extra living expenses so less.
But i agree "worse off" is inaccurate, "no longer finacially independant" would be better.

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2017 18:13

It’s a bit confusing but.

He lives in a cheap room.
If he moves in with her, she loses UC. So her total monthly income will reduce.
His costs will be higher also because he will have to pay his way and contribute to their home, as he is no longer in cheap lodgings and she can’t afford it without UC. So he also will be worse off due to higher expenses.

So her complaint I think is if they both live together in her home, they both have less money.

Basically she wants to keep her UC.

Viviennemary · 05/12/2017 18:13

Carry on the way you're living now then. No point in deliberately making yourself worse off. Benefits have favoured single parents for a very long time. And it's difficult to make the decision to move in if you're going to lose money.

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 18:13

your view seems to change according to what other posters say.

Arf. It really doesn't.

Pickleypickles · 05/12/2017 18:14

I think bluntness just summed it up really well.

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 18:16

How will her total monthly income reduce if he moves in with her? Is he planning in keeping all his wages to himself?

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 18:18

So her complaint I think is if they both live together in her home, they both have less money.

So like plenty of couples up and down the country then? If they're not prepared to financially commit together like that then they shouldn't move in together.

Pickleypickles · 05/12/2017 18:19

Because she loses her UC...

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2017 18:19

On the plus side, he'll be moving into a (I assume) fully furnished ready made home.

It's not like he's got the struggle of house hunting, sorting out a deposit and possibly having to buy furniture/washing machine etc.

Aducknotallama · 05/12/2017 18:19

But why should you still get universal credit when you have two wages coming in?

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 18:21

It's not like he's got the struggle of house hunting, sorting out a deposit and possibly having to buy furniture/washing machine etc.

Not to mention the decorating and carpeting a whole house.