DP still seeing his old MIL

[BubbaFishy]

Sorry - bit of a long one to get as much info in as poss.

I've been with my current DP for 6 months now. Get on great, but had our first big falling out on the weekend.

Basically he split up with previous GF about a year and a half ago but has stayed in contact with her mum, meeting up, going for dinner once/twice a month.

Initially I found it a bit odd but he's a sweet guy. Alarm bells started when he said she had text him one evening to say she was in bed and cold and needed someone to warm her up......

I expressed my unhappiness but I'm not the type to tell someone they should stop seeing someone. He needs to make that decision himself. It was left that I didn't want to hear about her.

Just before we met he had a seizure. Then a couple of months later he had another one. One weekend he went a bit cold and said he wanted a weekend to himself which is fair but was a bit sudden.

I confess the following weekend I checked his phone to see if there was more to it. Turns out the ex MIL had been over to cut his hair (not that particular weekend) but he'd told me he had gone to the local barbers. Lie number 1

It's been eating away at me a bit, but I didn't want to bring it up then. Friday night he went to bed early and left his phone in the lounge so I confess I read it again.

A few weekends ago he had told me he was going for leaving drinks for a colleague on the Friday and could I go over Saturday. Turns out he had actually made plans with her. He was then ill so bailed on both of us the whole weekend.

Then he saw her two Fridays on the trot when I was already busy. The first I was oblivious too, but the second one he had used the work colleagues excuse again, at which point I even asked if he was lying as he never socialises with colleagues normally.

We then bumped into her while we were out on Saturday. Fortuitous timing?
He didn't introduce us so I was stood awkwardly smiling at her. I got a cob on at this point. We then kept bumping into them through the day. We were in quite a big city!
A bit later on I said I wasn't stupid and was under no illusion they had been out to which he said he hadn't seen her since August time. So lied to my face about it.

A few hours later we had a calm discussion about it and I owned up to reading his phone so told him I knew he had been lying.

He said he only did it as I said I didn't want to hear about it. He wasn't mad about me reading his phone. He said we should be able to pick up each others without panicking about what we're going to find, and there really was nothing else worth noting when I looked.

AIBU to be annoyed that they are staying in touch or are my own insecurities making it seem a much bigger thing than it really is? My track record of lying men isn't great but I try so hard not to tar everyone with the same brush

Sorry for the massively long post

[yorkshapudding]

Even if there's nothing sexual going on between them (which sounds like there might be), you know he has lied to you. At worst he's cheating on you with his ex MIL , at best he's just a liar.

Get rid.

[HouseworkIsASin10]

Alarm bells started when he said she had text him one evening to say she was in bed and cold and needed someone to warm her up......

It's the weirdness and the fact he is telling so many lies. There's nothing wrong with seeing an ex-MIL if it's a normal relationship.

You're only 6 months in, I'd cut my losses. It's only going to get worse.

[Killerfiller]

It's clear he is sleeping with his ex mil


I'd run. Fast

[Eatalot]

If this was a younger woman would you be feeling the same? I.e questioning if you are being unreasonable. I suspect you would see atraight away that this behaviour is not ok and her age and the mil (and really she is not mil if they were not married) are clouding as your seeing a maternal link.

What mil says i need someone to warm me up?

[Monr0e]

How often is he seeing her?
What are they doing when they meet? Date like activities or coffee and a catch up?
Who generally initiates these meetings?
Is his ex ever involved? What does she make of it all?
It really does sound innapropriate at best. The lying would be a deal breaker for me.

[greeeen]

The lying alone would be a deal breaker for me. I hate people trying to "manage" my reaction by not telling the whole truth or outright lying when they don't agree with things.

[Nikephorus]

It's clear he is sleeping with his ex mil
Is it? Based on one odd text that was received before OP's relationship started & that DP has voluntarily mentioned? Or based on the fact that DP has to lie because OP has an issue with him staying friends with Ex's mother (I bet if it was a male friend's mother she'd be just fine!)?
If this was a younger woman would you be feeling the same?
But it's not a younger woman, it's a woman old enough to be his mother.
The lying would be a deal breaker for me.
But if OP didn't have a problem with DP mentioning MIL then he'd not be needing to lie!

[MaisyPops]

But it's not a younger woman, it's a woman old enough to be his mother
And?
Because nobody would ever find an older woman attractive?

Whether he has already slept with her or not, the relationship he has with her is not the sort of relationship you have with you in laws.
I'm very close to my in laws and love them like they are blood relatives. I couldn't ever see myself acting how the OP's DP is. I go round and see FIL when I'm in the area and text him about stuff but it's family things or advice, not to tell him I want the bed warming.