School mum friends

[grandolddukeofyork]

My child has been at nursery since September which is linked to the school he will go on to. I haven't made one mum friend or acquaintance whilst dropping him off and collecting him each day. Once we got past the stage where we said hello and worked out which child belonged to which mum nothing happened. I have years of standing in the playground with these ladies and feel a bit crap that I've not made any friends. Everyone else seems to know each other and be all pally and then there's me! Is this normal?!

Do you have other friends?

I'm not friends with any of the mum's at my ds's nursery drop off and don't really have any desire to be

I wouldn't worry about it, I have 2 kids and with my daughter I never really got very friendly with any of girls in her classes moms but I'm friendly with a few from my sons class. I just clicked better with them for some reason. But honestly who even cares anyway, it's hard enough trying to make time for actual friends these days!

I felt the same, I’ve made friends with mums now my dad is at school and does play dates.

I'm not friends with any of the mums in the playground! I don't particularly want to be either!

But he’s only been there one term, that’s hardly any time.

My eldest is in Yr 1 and I’m friendly with some of the other parents, but it took me longer than 1 term’s worth of drop offs / pick ups to get to know them.

Have you been to birthday parties yet? You make friends at birthday parties and playdates, then just reinforce them at the gates.

but it took me longer than 1 term’s worth of drop offs / pick ups to get to know them.

Yeah could be that the other mums have older kids and know eachother from those kids already

It took much longer than 1 term to make friends in my case!

Don't worry. I didn't know anyone at all. Plenty have older siblings too.
Smile. Look friendly. Play the long game.
Have plenty of mum friends now. Didn't take too long. I had some old school at home birthday parties. Kids loved it.
If you knew me you would know that is not really like me.

I think it’s normal, especially if you have friends/social life outside of school pick ups

It's normal, don't worry! Some people happen to find new friends at the school/nursery gates, some don't. You've got children the same age but it doesn't automatically mean you're compatible as friends. Is there anyone you think seems nice who you'd like to be friends with?

Of the people I've met at the school gates, I say hello to several but that's all, chat to a few occasionally (mostly about school stuff) have had a cup of tea with a small number even more occasionally, I get blanked by two not-so-cheery souls, and haven't had any contact with the rest.

The most sociable times have usually been at the children's parties as you can chat to the other parents but also help with coffees or tidying up if no-one else wants to chat. This was more a school thing though, it rarely happened at nursery.

If you would like to get to know people, you could join the PTA or committee, be a helper on outings, go up to people and ask if they had a nice weekend, pick one or two people and ask if they'd like to come round for coffee, invite your DC's key group (plus the parents) round for a Christmas activity etc.

Sometimes you can do all that and it still doesn't work, because you're just not a good match as friends. It's not your fault and doesn't mean you will never make new friends! At least I hope not, because I have made virtually no real friends since living here over 10 years, just a lot
of acquaintances. I've made some lovely friends at other times in life but sometimes it just doesn't happen as we'd wish. You're not alone!

Iv never managed it with preschool and i'm on child 3, yet friends have. You could try inviting someone your child like to meet up at a playcentre. Birthday parties also help

I wouldn't worry about it - my plan is to avoid all other parents at the school gate (if I even end up doing the school drops - which is unlikely due to work). My mum barely spoke to the other mums and has plenty of friends.

My son's in year 4 and I've only just become properly friendly with some of the parents (all the same class since nursery!)

As you can see OP most of us don't want 'mum friends'!

I'm happy to chat to a few but dd1 is in y2 and there's probably only 3 that I really like. The others are fine but we've only got our dc in the same year in common.

With my eldest I had similar issues - while I got along with a couple of mums I wasn't usually asked out with them, though this could be because they knew I'd not be interested!

Strangely with my younger sons class however I met a couple of mums that I really gelled with and see all the time. Sometimes it's just a personality thing - but there's no real reason you'll become friends with these people if all you have in common is the time you pushed out a baby.

Be discerning! Save your friendship for people you have chemistry with - you'll find your tribe 😉

The closest friend I made on school run was in the summer in the park.

It really is early days.. Make yourself say hello, how are you doing.Who is ... in the play? ( so long as your child isn't main part) what is your LO asking for Christmas.

Show an interest. some it will build some will not.

When my DS started I made sure I spoke to someone different ever day..Mainly because a friend of mine the year before was in a bitchy Clique and never wanted to be part of that. I now say hello to most the mums in my son's year when I see them. some I really like, some are fine for a 5 minute chat..Some I really have no time for.

I've not made any either. A brief hello etc but that's it.

As you can see OP most of us don't want 'mum friends'!

I do! Lots and lots please, you can't have too many friends.

OP, it took me longer than a term, but I now have 'mum friends' who I've been friends with for 13 years and can't imagine life without them.

As an aside, if your 'school friends' and 'uni friends' have children, do they suddenly transform into 'mum friends'?

Also the mums that seem close probably have each other on social media and see each other more often

The first term is just really getting to know the routine.
A lot of the people already know each other-either they've got older ones or maybe met at antenatal classes etc.

So you smile, look friendly, do small talk and gradually are able to separate faces into those you'd choose to stay and chat to, and those who you won't generally do more than a smile. You'll know the one who knows everything useful, the one who has a first one like you and you can have a little wobble with when they do something new, the kind one who will always offer to help-and the one who always moans about everything, the one who comes to talk only when she wants babysitting etc.

I don't think with dc1 I'd started figuring that out until nearly the summer term. And actually I made better friends with dc2.

But a lot of those that I met at preschool who had ones in the year above and was asking a lot of questions, I'm now doing similar at sixth form! Some of them I've hardly seen over 13 years and now we're meeting again. And I'm sure I will be doing the same next year for those who were year below at preschool.

I'm not sure it helps that I'm really shy and socially awkward (hate small talk really!) but I'm not sure whether it's obvious or whether I come across as aloof and rude.
I feel as a mum of one that no ones interested.

It's a 2 way thing though? If you invite other kids to come and play, you'll meet their mums properly. Similarly if you hang around to chat at drop off you could then suggest going for coffee?

I really doubt that anyone is being deliberately unfriendly, it's just that these things take time!

I think youve been watching too many mommy-sitcoms
Most people just see drop off and pick up as just that...a quick task to complete in between getting on with the other things in their lives. Im friendLY with a few school gate parents, but theyre aquaintances not friends. I feel Im winning if I have their phone number to chass up party RSVPs but I dont call them for non kid logistic things

I think you can get very hung up on having friends at the school gate. Mumsnet doesn’t help with the constant talks of cliques and being left out. People at the school gate are just people some you’ll get on with and some you won’t. I made friends at play dates where there is an opportunity to chat more deeply. School gate is literally for brief chat and go. Pre school with all of mine I didn’t meet any friends, only when they got to primary.