School mum friends

[grandolddukeofyork]

My child has been at nursery since September which is linked to the school he will go on to. I haven't made one mum friend or acquaintance whilst dropping him off and collecting him each day. Once we got past the stage where we said hello and worked out which child belonged to which mum nothing happened. I have years of standing in the playground with these ladies and feel a bit crap that I've not made any friends. Everyone else seems to know each other and be all pally and then there's me! Is this normal?!

"I feel as a mum of one that no ones interested"

Well there is some truth in that. When youve got a gaggle, playdates with onlies are trickier, especially if you have nowhere to leave the older ones and they have to tag along. Thats not to say I would turn you down, its just easier with other non onelies

It is more difficult if you’re shy, but it really is unlikely that people are being deliberately unfriendly.

I don’t see how being a mum of one matters either? It’s not an unusual thing. A third of DS1’s classmates are only children.

It took me until DC2 to make any real friends and now 2 of them are my best friends in the whole world.

I'm really shy too OP. It does make it harder to make good friends. All we can do is the best we can!

As it happens, the person I like best via school is a mum of one. She's just a really calm and generous person and I'd like her regardless of whether she had 10 children or none. I also know of other parents of 1 child who have as many friends as anyone else.

I think people can interpret shyness or anxiety as disinterest, aloofness etc. Luckily there are also people who don't jump to negative conclusions, and give us the benefit of the doubt They are the potential good friends!

Do you tend to make friends and bond with parents with children of the same sex as yours? Maybe I'm not being sought out by mums of girls in his year because I have a boy.

grandolddukeofyork

I have a son and daughter and I became way more friendly with a few of my sons friends moms than with my daughter but I don't think it has anything to do with the sex of the kids. For me it was more to do with the fact that a few of them were from the same area as i grew up so we had that in common and also my son did more after school stuff in the area so I saw moms of his friends more often as well

It's easier to become friends with parents who have children of the same gender as yours, because you can invite them over for a cup of tea while the children play (have you done this yet?).

But, you can get talking to the mums of the girls, it's just harder to make friends. You could try joining the PTA, but be careful there. If you're shy and don't speak out very well you could be lumbered with loads of jobs you don't want to do.

If you're unsure, ask the teacher which children your DS would get along well with (they're quite good at assessing friendship potentials) and then you can invite that child over and get to know their mum.

TalkinBoutWhat

I totally read what the OP said in her last post wrong, yes I agree with what you've replied though

Gender: not till yr 1 when the sleep overs start. Then yes.

I moved to Kent last year and I don't have any friends at the school gates or nursery, or in general for that matter! The mums at school seem to all know each other. I have anxiety and am shy at first so I can't just go up to people and start chatting! It's a lonely life. :(

Watch Motherland; it'll put you right off making friends at the school gate & is also very funny!

Motherland bears zero resemblance to any school gates I've ever frequented.

There's often threads like this on MN and then lots of posters come on and say that they don't want to make friends etc which is fair enough and totally understandable. The thing is for a lot of people it does make sense to at least make acquaintance with some school parents. Last week for example, I was stuck on the motorway on way to pick up, called DSs friends mum who picked up for me no problem. I've done the same for others plenty of times.
Like a PP has said inviting a friend round for tea or at parties are a better way to get to know people than at the gates. You're only one term in though- it will get easier.

I have aquaintances who I do reciprical pick ups and emergency stuck for childcare on inset days play dates with. Theyre not my friends though. Theyre my kids friends parents. We are aquaintances who will have a cup of tea together if the kids are playing. Were not friends. When our kids change friend groups we wont be meeting up any more.