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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tell them to go F themselves?

68 replies

bettydraper31 · 04/12/2017 13:24

Does anyone remember a while back I posted about PILs not travelling to see us for over 18 months... but still expecting us to go to them?

Turns out they’re not coming down, and can’t come down til at least next Summer as they’re saving for a new bathroom.

Yep.

They’re choosing a new bathroom over seeing their son and granddaughter.

BUT they’re still expecting us to go up this xmas despite me now being 5 months preg, 6 hr journey with 2 yr old in tow.

DH hasn’t really spoken to them since this revelation. I don’t think he is too happy about it, but I know deep down he wants to see them and for them to see DD.

I’m now stuck between a rock and a hard place, I don’t want to be the wife that refuses to go, but on the other side, why should we keep having to go to them all the time??

AIBU?

OP posts:

stella23 · 04/12/2017 14:40

I remember your thread, just don't go. Seriously, I stopped going, mil had to make the effort to come to us after years of both bothering. Don't make excuses, just tell them it's there turn and leave it there

FitBitFanClub · 04/12/2017 14:51

(I'm 51 and find motorway driving not as easy in the dark)

51 is no age! I'm older than that and drive extensively at all times of the day and night. Never occurred to me to avoid trips.

diddl · 04/12/2017 14:57

But if they really wanted to see their son & GC & driving was a problem, why wouldn't they say & try to come up with a solution?

Rudgie47 · 04/12/2017 14:59

I wouldnt be bothered about seeing them at all, and would just get Dh to go with or without DD. Just tell him to sort it, at the end of the day there nothing to you really.

scruffysquirrel · 04/12/2017 15:01

@diddl exactly! If that were my in laws and they couldn't face the drive they would taxi/coach/train/bus it to see us! I don't buy that the bathroom is the reason, they obviously can't face it for whatever reason and are happy with everyone else making all the effort. Stay firm op, they might even surprise you with a visit and realise that they are being unreasonable expecting a young child and pregnant lady to do that journey!

ObscuredbyFog · 04/12/2017 15:05

I’m also a high risk pregnancy due to previous premature labour so having consultant checks every two weeks. Another reason I really don’t want to be far from home

This is what your DH needs to tell them. Your needs trump theirs.

GeorgeTheHamster · 04/12/2017 15:07

Can they get the train? Does it have to be a drive?

Original poster

bettydraper31 · 04/12/2017 15:28

This is my thinking George. Megabus?

OP posts:

AnneBiscuit · 04/12/2017 15:39

It sounds like they just make an excuse not to become to you because they know you'll go to them. Call their bluff. Tell them you've been advised not to travel so far because of your high risk pregnancy. Then see if they make the effort.

BewareOfDragons · 04/12/2017 15:56

They're saving for a bathroom? Right. Offer to pay for their fuel. See what they say.

zoomiee · 04/12/2017 16:12

My PIL have a myriad of excuses for not travelling the 70 Miles to visit us. Gardening issues (got to pick the veg / tend to the weeds / mend the fence etc etc ) Sore backs to be travelling longer than 30 mins, Can't leave the cat, Awaiting a delivery etc etc, and so it got to the point where we no longer invite them, and accept that they have a limited interest in their GC's.

It is fine actually, saves worrying about it, they'd much rather have a phone conversation than a face to face and they're loving in their own way, they just prefer the comfort of their own house and lives. And why not, I guess. They've raised their children. Our kids are lucky that my parents are the opposite and would move in given half a chance!

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2017 17:48

I'm interested in the outraged tones of many on this thread.
It's never occurred to me before reading this thread, but my pils have never travelled to us either, also about 6 hours. I've not been bothered by it, or given it a second thought, in fact, always thought we got the good deal as they do all the hosting, thinking, planning etc we just turn up and leave when we like.
Mind, I've never had a complicated pregnancy which does change things.

Mxyzptlk · 04/12/2017 18:04

Not travelling is one thing, arethereany. Pressuring the OP and DH is another.

altiara · 04/12/2017 18:11

6 hour round trip or 6 hours each way?
I’m not sure I’d want to drive 6 hours to visit you! But I’d find a way around it - train/plane/overnight somewhere. Especially for a 2 year old’s Christmas! Their first ‘proper’ Christmas!!
And I would definitely not expect someone with a high risk pregnancy and a toddler to visit me just because I don’t want to do the drive.
I agree it can’t be the bathroom, it must be them not wanting to travel but not admitting it for some reason! But then wanting you to visit doing the same travel in a high risk pregnancy.... bonkers.

Tinselistacky · 04/12/2017 20:14

Send them a pack of 2 sponges for Christmas for the new bathroom!! Postage will be really cheap too!!

Maelstrop · 04/12/2017 20:48

Mine came on the train this weekend. Took them less time than driving. Maybe you could pick them up from a station that connects directly to theirs rather than them having to do connections. Or just tell them to fuck off, which would be my first call, the.

Adviceneededhelp · 04/12/2017 20:56

I would just say 'OK enjoy your bathroom see you at some point next year maybe' and leave it at that. Wouldn't even say I wasn't coming, they like messing you around, do the same back.

Original poster

bettydraper31 · 04/12/2017 21:49

Thanks everyone you’ve helped me a lot x

OP posts:

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