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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do we live in the friendliest place ever or is this what village life is like?

68 replies

AnachronisticCorpse · 04/12/2017 08:58

We’ve lived here about five years so this isn’t something I’ve just noticed, but I was musing about it on the school run.

As we walk or cycle to school we see many of the same faces, people on their way to work, dog walkers, other cyclists etc. Without exception, they all say hello and good morning. If we’ve got our dog with us the dog people will stop and chat. Even people I’ve never seen before say good morning.

But the people coming into the village to work, off the bus, rarely say anything, even if I do. Which makes me feel like a bit of a nob.

I’ve always lived in the town before (small market town but still a town) and people didn’t greet me, even the same people I saw every day (with a few exceptions). But here it’s the norm. I often get the bus into the village centre and it’s rare that someone doesn’t strike up a conversation with me. Also, the people in the Co-op always chat, which blindsided me a bit the first few items I went in ther.

Is this just village life or do I actually live in Chatty McChatsville?

OP posts:

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 04/12/2017 09:39

I moved from a small rural market town to a village for exactly that reason.

It was the late 80s and my then husband and I were visiting a village when we passed a stranger who said Good afternoon. Then another who said hello. I announced I wanted to live somewhere like that, so we moved to a lovely little village (it was the next village over)

I live in a city now and I do love my city (Birmingham) but think I’d like to spend my retirement in a village, but it must be a friendly one, not a snobby one.

Ps Keep saying Good morning to the strangers, you’re not a nob, they are for not replying. I bet they secretly love it anyways.

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/12/2017 09:42

That's a big village! Ours has no public transport, no shops, no school (although we do have a phone box) and only about a hundred people. Everyone knows everyone and, yes, there is gossip, but it can work in your favour. Have a crisis and everyone will be round with offers of help!

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 04/12/2017 09:42

I live in one of the UK's larger cities and it's like that here too. I'm just back from a run on the park, and everyone says hello, whether familiar faces or not.

Original poster

AnachronisticCorpse · 04/12/2017 09:46

It’s not a small village. It’s actually only a mile into the centre though, I’m just lazy and have a bus pass

OP posts:

user1495832265 · 04/12/2017 09:49

I live in a medium size village and it's as you describe here too.
In the nearest very small town people don't tend to speak as they're passing but most do smile or nod an acknowledgment.

WildBluebelles · 04/12/2017 09:52

Wherever you live is not going to be half as good as the Crumbs-village. Do you have sheep wrapped in fairylights for Christmas? Does every person in the village have an Aga? Do you draw names out of a hat to see where you will go for the annual Christmas Eve supper after your teenagers have merrily sung carols all evening? Thought not. Your village is basically NOTHING.

user1495832265 · 04/12/2017 09:55

Do you have sheep wrapped in fairylights for Christmas?

Real sheep? Where is this?

WildBluebelles · 04/12/2017 09:59

Real sheep? Where is this?

In Crumbs' head largely.

dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 10:00

Most villages are lovely, friendly, chatty, sociable communities. Despite some people thinking/saying different.

It's usually townies, and city folk, who have never had the good fortune to live within a village community who say shit like this though.

A cross between a lack of knowledge and plain ignorance.

user1495832265 · 04/12/2017 10:01

TFFT Bluebelles ! I grew up in sheep country and they can be proper arsey fuckers.

CactusJelly00 · 04/12/2017 10:01

I live in a small town (population under 100) bordering another small town (population under 800) with nothing else around.
People are like this.
Not a uk thing, I'm in Australia.

LesDennishair · 04/12/2017 10:07

Large village we live in (weekends and holidays) is very friendly. Complete strangers will say hello, and especially walkers (though I find walkers anywhere will greet). News and gossip travels fast. Also the dating pool is quite small, and so several people seem to have had the same ex boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2017 10:09

Everywhere I've lived in England is as you describe.

MadamMinacious · 04/12/2017 10:10

Mmmmm I moved to a village for a while. Everyone was very friendly but it was made quite clear I was an 'outsider'. Still they were friendly to our face (while talking about us behind our backs). I can actually live without that kind of friendly.

Changebagsandgladrags · 04/12/2017 10:13

Lived in SE London for three years and it was like that too.

Ragwort · 04/12/2017 10:20

I think your own attitude helps enormously - everywhere I have lived (& I have moved around a lot) I have found people open, friendly and helpful. Yet time and time again I meet people who say to me 'how do you know so many people/how have you got so many friends' etc etc. My own DH finds it hard to talk to people and is constantly surprised whenever we go out somewhere and I seem to know 'everyone'.

I have lived in my current small town for about 5 years, my neighbour grew up here, went to school, never moved away - but she will say to me that I know more people than she does. Perhaps because she doesn't involve herself in anything apart from going to work, coming straight home, shopping on the internet, going on Facebook and spending hours doing her hair and make up. .

LemonysSnicket · 04/12/2017 10:23

Sounds like yorkshire villages ... im in Llondon now and DP finds pit agravating that i talk to people on the tube

HooraySunshine · 04/12/2017 10:26

I moved from London to a village in July. I have not found it to be at all as you described. They are not friendly, the gossip here is terrible and the people are so incredibly nosey it's actually put me off staying here.

If your village is as friendly as you say, consider yourself very fortunate to have found such a lovely place to live.

Lizzie48 · 04/12/2017 10:31

Reminds me of St Mary Meade in the Agatha Christie books. Does an elderly lady by the name of Miss Marple live there by any chance??

00100001 · 04/12/2017 10:35

Crumbs... is that you???

Witchend · 04/12/2017 10:36

Where I live is an estate just out of town in the SE. People chat all the time. And support each other.
When we first moved her without much stuff and didn't know anyone we were offered everything from TVs through to a sports car. If I walk up to the shops (10 minutes away) I'll guarantee I'll say hello to a dozen people and have a longer chat with at least one. I'll be greeted in Sainsbury's by one of the people that works there with "How's dd1-saw her waiting for the bus?" or "haven't seen you for a bit, how're things."
I've had flowers left on the doorstep when we had a difficult family time, and money put through the door one time with a note "for a new pair of shoes" after one time when it was really wet and I commented in the shop that I had holes in the bottom. Don't know who did either.

It's much friendlier than my parents northern village where they bark hello at each person they pass without eye contact. And much more open than my grandparents northern village for whom if you aren't 2nd generation there then you're a newcomer. "The newcomer from Blackpool" may well have lived there 25 years.

paxillin · 04/12/2017 10:37

I just thought that, @Lizzie48. Humming a cheerful theme tune now.

therealposieparker · 04/12/2017 10:46

I moved from a large city to a small town/village (we live on the cusp) and it's one of the most unfriendly place I've ever lived in . My old city was a much much nicer place.

MissClareRemembers · 04/12/2017 10:54

It’s a funny thing. I live on the outskirts of a largish town and if you are just bumbling about the streets not many people make eye contact or say hello. However, we are also very close to a common which is popular with dog walkers etc. If you walk 5 minutes up to the common, suddenly everybody smiles and says hello. I wonder if it’s because the people walking in the common have all chosen to take time out and go there so we’re all part of a sort of club?

RhiannonOHara · 04/12/2017 11:01

I think it varies a lot. I'm in Zone 2 London and my little neighbourhood is very friendly; I know loads of people from a few streets around to say hello to and pass the time of day. Shop staff are very chatty and nice too and you become a regular in the shops and cafes very quickly.

On the flip side, I've lived in villages and suburbs where it was all curtain-twitching and silent scrutiny.

I am willing to believe though that not all villages and suburbs are miserable and not all big city neighbourhoods are friendly I'm not that willing, I hate the sticks

Having a dog also changes the rules; you're absolutely allowed (maybe even legally obliged?) to at least smile at, if not chat to, someone with a dog. It's even more obligatory if you have a dog too. It's the British way!

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