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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for being angry that DS school gave him dairy and most probably gluten

69 replies

newsparklylife · 04/12/2017 07:55

DS is 14, in year 9 at secondary school. He can't have gluten or dairy. He isn't coeliac but his actual diagnoses is 'non coeliac gluten intolerance, dairy intolerance and IBS' . This isn't something i've come up with it is an actual diagnoses from a paediatric gastroenterologist.

Earlier this year we qualified for free school meals, spoke to the school whether it was practical for them to provide food for DS and they were very positive they could. DS was delighted and had dinner every day, then he started getting tummy aches, and diarrhoea and a few times I've had to collect him from school due to the severity. He knows when this has been caused by something he's eaten rather than a bug.

He sent me a photo of a pasty delighted that the school had got him one, I check the website of the company and find it has dairy in it. Then he has another meal that he insists he can taste dairy in (had to collect him that day he was doubled over in pain).

After many emails to his tutor and the kitchen manager it is agreed that yes the pasty does have dairy in, they won't give me ingredients for the other meals DS insists had either dairy or gluten in.

I'm angry, DS has had to come home from school, he's been really unwell on the days I've had to collect him and I feel the kitchen aren't actually getting the severity of what they've done.

They've now said they can offer him a sandwich, pasta or jacket potato every day. DS now too frightened to eat anything from them so currently won't eat anything prepared in the school kitchen as he is worried he'll have to come home and his attendance will be affected (which incidentally isn't bad he's just obsessed with (ADHD issues))

Would you take it further and make a fuss? I sway between wanting to create a shit storm and just wanting to leave it as don't think I'll get anywhere!

OP posts:

nellieellie · 04/12/2017 09:05

If this was me, Id make a formal complaint. They could get into big trouble for this. They are required in law to give allergen information on food sold. Failure to do so can lead to prosecution. If they are not taking your concerns seriously, Id report to the local authority. (They will have a section dealing with this)

Julie8008 · 04/12/2017 09:07

Cant you just make him a pack lunch and avoid all the need for fuss.

becotide · 04/12/2017 09:12

Julie, read the OP. OP's family qualifies for free school meals - this means they are in poverty. There is a good chance that no, she can't just "make him a packed lunch and avoid all this fuss"

She SHOULD make a fucking fuss, they're essentially poisoning her child!

ArchchancellorsHat · 04/12/2017 09:19

I wouldn't take them up on either the sandwich or pasta - nothing that's been made to look like normal gluteny food. The potato should be fine unless they cover it in butter for some reason - I've eaten baked potatoes without butter or spread, just beans or other fillings and they've been fine, I didn't miss the butter. Just be careful with the fillings.

but yes - the school should at the very least be providing you with the ingredients they used. And I know that as a coeliac if a restaurant made me sick after I checked then I could call Trading Standards. Even if DS doesn't think he can eat the food they provide again, I'd raise a fuss.

CocaColaTruck · 04/12/2017 09:20

I would hope they've learned their lesson but I would be asking for reassurance that it won't happen again.

Original poster

newsparklylife · 04/12/2017 09:26

Thank you, I really appreciate your responses.

School have had a copy of the consultant's letter and it has been logged on his school notes since he started the school in year 7.

He didn't question the food given to him because he goes to the canteen and gives his name and they give him a meal he can have (so in theory shouldn't need to question whether he can eat it). He did say though they sometimes asked him if he could eat something and he would say 'my mum makes this without gluten and dairy'. So I'm not convinced they are that great at this.

DS now refusing to eat anything from them. The offer of a jacket potato is literally a jacket potato and dairy free margarine. Pasta I don't know what they are going to put with it.

I am going to officially complain because they need to sort their kitchen out regarding children with dietary needs. I'll keep you posted!

OP posts:

user789653241 · 04/12/2017 10:04

Hopefully it get sorted after you complained, but I still think it's a good idea for him to learn to question the food he's given.
My ds was given wrong food even at the hospital.
Mistakes can happen. So better to question and be a pita, rather than accepting and expecting other people to do the right thing all the time, ime.

Newinthegame16 · 04/12/2017 10:12

Absolutely take it further. What is the difference between this and them actually poisoning him? Would they be so relaxed if it were an allergy that caused anaphylaxis? The kitchen should be capable of providing meals for ALL children regardless of allergies and intolerances

honeyravioli · 04/12/2017 10:13

I think saying he should have a better understanding is unfair.... Mass-produced pastry is often made with oil, and dairy free; there are all kinds of substitutes

It's not unfair, he clearly does need a better understanding. at 14 he shouldn't trust that other people know what he can have. You might think a pastry could be dairy free, but you would assume it wasn't gluten free as well, unless you knew otherwise (and you should be able to tell from the texture as well).

The school needs to do better, yes, but at 14 he should be much more aware of his own needs and be able to judge his own food.

Schroedingerscatagain · 04/12/2017 10:31

I have a very similar situation, ds 14 year 9 vegetarian coeliac and severe shellfish allergy

He takes packed lunches because school will not garantee they can provide a safe meal

when dd also coeliac was there they refused to ensure she could even have a jacket potato insisting it was first come first served

You can complain and try to improve things but ultimately in order to keep him safe you may have to send a packed lunch

RainyDayBear · 04/12/2017 10:32

Glad you are going to take this further. I’m a teacher and sometimes the complaints on here are daft - this is definitely not one of those times, they are completely failing your son in their duty of care. I’d be tempted to write to the governors and document the list of occasions this has happened on. I hope you get it sorted, it’s totally unacceptable!

Lostmyunicorn · 04/12/2017 10:34

It sounds as though he has a perfectly good understanding of what he can eat , i.e. Has to be without gluten or dairy. He gets a separate meal handed to him when he gives his name; he has been told by the people who prepared it that it's fine for him. It's unreasonable to expect him to query that beyond possibly just a second check - "you're sure that this is gluten and dairy free even though it's got pastry?" But presumably if the kitchen staff got it wrong in the first place, then that kind of check wouldn't be likely to resolve it. I would raise it with the school. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing, I don't think that is ever constructive. But I would express my serious concern and ask how they are going to ensure that my child is kept safe in future.

coldteawarmcat · 04/12/2017 10:40

It sounds as though he has a perfectly good understanding of what he can eat , i.e. Has to be without gluten or dairy

How can he if he looks at a pasty and doesn't think it probably has both in it, despite what anyone tells him?

Lostmyunicorn · 04/12/2017 10:52

Because the school have his diagnosis and have told him that it is gluten and dairy free which it is clear from the OP's posts he knows he can't have. Because presumably in most settings, cafe, friends' homes, even possibly with family, he reminds them he mustn't have gluten or dairy and relies on their assurance that it's fine for him. What's the alternative, should he insist on a list of ingredients from the school kitchen prior to eating? Given the school kitchen aren't currently giving that to his parent, it's pretty unlikely they would give it to him.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/12/2017 10:57

Even if they are certain it’s dairy/gluten free they have to be scrupulous in the way they prepare the food as it’s so easy to cross contaminate his food with food containing gluten and dairy.

Jengle · 04/12/2017 10:58

You can get gluten and dairy free Pasty, if he’s been told it’s g/f & d/f, he is going to trust that the kitchen staff know.

user789653241 · 04/12/2017 11:02

To the person who can actually die(like my ds), it comes naturally that they questions stuff.
I really think the school should make sure it's safe, but I also think it's his own sake for op's ds to make sure it's safe for him as well.

CactusJelly00 · 04/12/2017 11:07

I have an intolerance though not the same as your DS.
When I was in school (more than a decade ago!) similar happened to me and when I was upset about the fact I'd been lied to (I specifically asked the dinner lady beforehand) and asked the school receptionist to phone my mum because I was unwell I was told it wasn't a "4 star hotel" and I couldn't complain when things weren't to my liking. they refused to cooperate with my mum and wouldn't give her any ingredients lists or guarantee that I'd be able to have suitable food after repeatedly saying they could....
I'd like to think things have moved on but reading this I'm not so sure!
YANBU

spidey66 · 04/12/2017 11:07

I'm aware you're on free school meals, but is it possible you provide him with a packed lunch? At least then you're certain his food is OK.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 04/12/2017 11:10

my friend's daughter had just this - entitled to FSM and very similar dietary requirements too. They suggested that friend could make packed lunches that the dinner staff would give to her which was about the barmiest thing I've heard.

I think some catering companies find this very hard to deal with - they are presumably on low profit margins etc. However, if they're going to cater to the public, they should really get their act together. I feel very bad for you having to go to sort this all out, but sadly takes people like you and my friend to get things to how they should be. All power to you.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 04/12/2017 11:10

I’m not meaning to sound Goady, but at 14 he is old enough to ask “is this gluten and dairy free” for things he is uncertain off. Obviously an apple is gluten free, but a pasty HE needs to ask.

If he is intolerant to these things he must learn to take some responsibility for what he eats. Also, could he be eating things he knows will make him sick so as to get out of double French or whatever his least favourite subject is?

Jerseysilkvelour · 04/12/2017 11:11

My DD is allergic to fish, school gave her fish once just after she started school. Teacher told me about it at home time, luckily she hadn't eaten it. I had a very polite but firm and displeased word with them about how important it was, and how lucky they were that her reaction to fish isn't anaphylactic. It was a genuine mistake which hasn't been made again. But I don't just think of my own child, but what if the next child they feed the wrong thing to is more seriously ill? Definitely pursue it and they should give you the ingredients. I think they may be required to by law you know - takeaways and restaurants are aren't they.

Orangeplastic · 04/12/2017 11:16

YANBU
My dh who has a pretty severe nut allergy still struggles to ask about nuts in his food - he doesn't like the fuss, I'm not surprised a 14 year old boy would accept pastry as being dairy and wheat free - it's not unheard of and they vary in quality. He has now learnt that trusting in the adults that are supposed to be trustworthy, is something he can't afford to do.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 04/12/2017 11:17

I agree he should ask if he's out and about at cafes etc, but at school where he's meant to at least have his conditions registered (worth checking has the info been properly transferred from the school to whoever's catering), I think he should be able to just take the food.

If it's anything like my DD's school (and actually every school I've worked in), dinner time is a bit formula 1, everyone has to be in and out ASAP to try and get everyone through in time. People having to stop and ask is it dairy free, is it halal, is it xyz, are just going to slow things down. Much better if the catering staff know that there are people with specific needs to be catered for, and they do that, and everything can run smoothly.

MinorRSole · 04/12/2017 11:24

Ds1 can't eat gluten. The school were useless. I had phoned to discuss with the canteen (after he was ill) and they said he just had stew. Well that's fine, he has stew plenty at home so wouldn't have thought anything of it - I queried what was in it and of course flour was mentioned.
When I pointed out he couldn't have flour she said "I thought it was gluten he couldn't have"......

This was years ago and we were on FSM then - I made him packed lunches. It was extra strain I didn't need but I couldn't trust the school
Sound like you may need to do the same op

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