Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get really annoyed with DH for talking over me when I'm on the phone to someone?

57 replies

PaxUniversalis · 03/12/2017 16:38

(It's not the first time this has happened.) Today I made a telephone call to a friend who lives overseas. DH was in the same room as me and DH knows my friend. I was talking to my friend about possible holiday destinations for the summer and places to stay.
While I was speaking to her DH started talking over me and saying things like 'tell her to visit town X' or 'they should look for a hotel in the south not in the north', and 'email her a link to town Z '. Every time he said something I couldn't hear what my friend was saying. Also DH sometimes whispers things he thinks I should tell the person I'm talking to, but his whispering then gets so loud that it becomes intrusive. I find this sort of behaviour extremely irritating and rude! DH knows this but he can't stop himself from doing it anyway, even when I start gesturing furiously at him during the conversation. I mean, come on, he's in his late 50s not a teenager ffs.

I know the obvious solution is to make the phone call from a different room to where DH is - and I usually do - only not today (it's cold upstairs). Should have known better.

Anyway I just needed to get this off my chest and I was wondering if anyone else has a partner who does this?

OP posts:
Original poster
PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 11:18

To be honest when men do this I think it makes them feel like they're in control. This may sound OTT but I think that's what it is. Especially if they're 'in control' at work, they can't seem to switch off once they get home. Like suggesting - in a 'helpful' way of course - how I should file my paperwork. I used to work as an PA and office manager - LOL! I love DH to bits and I think we're a good couple but I think he finds it hard that we both have different ways of doing things.

OP posts:
kmc1111 · 04/12/2017 11:21

My DH does this when I'm talking to people we both know, but I just put the phone on speaker then so we can both talk to them for a minute.

He wouldn't do it if he didn't know the person or if we were discussing anything personal, nor does he butt in with anything unrelated to he conversation. So it's never bothered me.

splendide · 04/12/2017 11:25

My dad also does this to my mum - it's infuriating!

I'll be trying to agree a time for something with my mum and my dad will be barking random dates in the background so that I totally lose the thread.

KaliforniaDreamz · 04/12/2017 12:05

Pax i agree with you! My DH "taught" me how to load the dishwasher the other day.
I had to deep breathe for a while.

Nanny0gg · 04/12/2017 12:09

It's very annoying. But so is having to listen to someone else's phone conversation...

RockinHippy · 04/12/2017 12:27

Mine does this too. I find "death stare" hand over phone mouth piece & a very clear "feck right of with your mansplaining" works well enough & he's actually much better these days

Original poster
PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 12:27

KaliforniaDreamz - I know the feeling!

OP posts:
KaliforniaDreamz · 04/12/2017 12:31

Pax lol apparently you're supposed to put the sppns together, forks together etc in order to make unloading more efficient. LOLOLOL

(do not say anything about the fact that he has a point.)

lazyarse123 · 04/12/2017 12:38

Mine always wants to know who it is. I find "if you want to know who it is answer the fucking thing" is extremely satisfying. Never works but I keep trying. Always butts in with the "don't forget xyz". I am capable of having a conversation without prompts thanks. And then after the call we have the " what did they say?". Please have your own phone conversations.

DotDashBeep · 04/12/2017 12:40

My ex would frantically wave and mouth "who is it?" Then when I ignored him because I was on the phone would pick up the extension to listen! Angry

Note I said Ex.

Original poster
PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 12:42

KaliforniaDreamz - yes LOL, and there are other examples. You should hear his huffing and puffing when he gets annoyed with all the paperwork around me on the dining table when I'm working. I work on projects simultaneously so have paperwork/folders for each project. To him it looks like chaos. But you should see his untidiness in a hotel room when we go on holiday (random stuff on the floor) whereas I keep 'my' area of the room neat and tidy.

OP posts:
GallicosCats · 04/12/2017 12:42

Speakerphone usually works where the interruptor is being thoughtless rather than entitled, and there is nothing sensitive in the conversation.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 04/12/2017 12:44

One of my bosses does it- all the more annoying as I can't do the irritated hand gestures to him! Does my bloody head in (tell your DH that as well!). I'm actually tempted to do it myself when DH is on the phone but I'm more self-controlled so I don't. So I'm not sure if it's a man thing.

Glumglowworm · 04/12/2017 12:45

I work in a call centre and find it really irritating when I’m talking to someone and there’s someone chiming in at their end. I don’t mean the customer asking them for help, that’s fine. Just when the customer is talking to me perfectly fine and someone else is trying to butt in, meaning the customer can’t hear what I’m trying to tell them. It does tend to men who are the culprits,

Original poster
PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 12:45

lazyarse123 - Always butts in with the "don't forget xyz". I am capable of having a conversation without prompts thanks. And then after the call we have the " what did they say?".
Yep, same here. Or waving post-it notes in front of me with his comments on while I'm in a telephone conversation with someone.

OP posts:
LexieLulu · 04/12/2017 12:47

I'd just say "hold on a second DH could you STFU whilst I'm on the phone, I'm trying to talk to XYZ and it's hard to concentrate on two people" then give him glares

😂

KaliforniaDreamz · 04/12/2017 12:52

Dot lololol

Original poster
PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 13:12

Yep. Definitely Basil Fawlty.

OP posts:
Huggybear16 · 04/12/2017 13:38

Yes! I find it so annoying! I have told my partner many times that I hate it when he speaks while I'm on the phone. I struggle to concentrate on what either of them are saying. YANBU, it's one of my pet hates.

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/12/2017 14:04

XH used to do this. Also used to tap his watch and look meaningful or walk in and out of the room saying 'are you still on that phone.

Just one of many reasons he's an ex, but that desperate need to control what I was saying, who I was saying it to and for how long, was a biggie.

Original poster
PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 14:14

Zaphodsotherhead - Also used to tap his watch and look meaningful or walk in and out of the room saying 'are you still on that phone.

Gosh, I couldn't bear that! But I do recognise the 'control freak' side of my DH. He's very set in his ways and he likes a certain routine and order. Thinks I'm way too laid back sometimes.

OP posts:
diddl · 04/12/2017 14:21

So he can not do it when you're on a work call?

Just that what he wants to say to your friend is soooo fucking importantHmm

Tell him to stop listening to your conversations & stfu!

If you want to ask his opinion you can!

Feelings · 04/12/2017 14:24

Whenever I call my mum, all I here is her gob shite partner in the back trying to talk for her... it really pisses me off because my mum is so used to it, she says nothing. He then ends up taking the phone off her to explain whatever it was he was shouting down the phone, as if I hadn't already heard him!! He tends do this in person as well, he has no friends... think we can gather why. My poor Mum.

Love51 · 04/12/2017 14:27

My top tip is sit so that you and he can't make eye contact. If he speaks, say hang on a minute please to the person on the phone, look at him and say 'ill be with you in 10 minutes, I'm on the phone'. Turn away, and continue your call.

Original poster
PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 14:39

diddl - DH knows my friend and her partner very well. They live overseas so we don't get to see them in person a lot. Thing is DH had already talked to said friend on the phone first because he rang them, they had a chat, then DH passed the handset to me so I could talk with our friend, but still DH was talking over me and interrupting when friend & I were chatting. I think it runs in DH's family to be honest. Family meals with his parents and siblings can get really noisy! It's all very friendly but it can be quite overwhelming sometimes.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread