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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just being overly sensitive?

82 replies

MilsCookie · 02/12/2017 21:51

Will try and keep this short. Old friend from school (who I’ve seen maybe 3/4 times in the last 4 years as she has been living in another country) messaged me last night to say she was visiting the city where I live to see another friend, but could she stay with me as the other friend was staying in a hotel. She apologised for the late notice etc. I said yes that would be fine, even though I’m having an incredibly busy weekend and wouldn’t be home today until 7pm and then have to leave early on Sunday (tomorrow) morning. It would be her and her husband staying.

Anyway. I haven’t heard much from her all day today. Then, about an hour ago, I heard awful cat fighting noises outside, I panic, call my cat in and she doesn’t come. Five minutes later she comes dragging herself through the cat flap, limping quite a bit and looked in a bad way. (She is asleep right now but I am keeping a close eye on her and will take her to an emergency vet if I think she’s in pain) this has obviously not been nice to see and I’m worried about her, so I text my friend saying that, actually, tonight wasn’t a great night to stay over, explained about what had just happened to my cat, said there’s so much going on this weekend for me and I would rather she came down another weekend when we had actually planned it and could spend some time together. She replied SUCH a blunt text something along the lines of ‘Ok. Have a good night’ - AIBU to be pissed off by the way she is acting towards me?? I have barely spoken to her in the last few months, then out of the blue I get a text asking if she can basically use my flat as a hotel, and then when I say its not a good time she has the cheek to have an attitude with me?? I forgot to mention that she will be able to get home via train to her own home, yes it will take longer than if she’d stayed with me but its still doable. I do feel a bit bad that I said she could stay and then said she couldn’t, but given the circumstances I thought she’d be a bit more understanding. She didn’t say anything about my cat in her reply- no ‘hope she’s ok’ or anything. AIBU?! I feel like I probably am Confused

OP posts:
Mumof56 · 02/12/2017 22:00

YABU to cancel so late at night. If it was an issue you shouldn't have agreed for them to stay in the first place.

khajiit13 · 02/12/2017 22:00

Oh not cool OP. I'm sorry about your cat but I can't believe you'd cancel over that so late in the night

LambMadras · 02/12/2017 22:01

You've left your friend with no where to stay tonight because your cat got in a fight???? Confused
That's fucking bizarre and I'd be pissed right off.

Killerfiller · 02/12/2017 22:01

Why did you agree if you had such a busy weekend.

19lottie82 · 02/12/2017 22:02

OP...... aibu?
Everyone...... yes!
OP...... no I’m not!

guestofclanmackenzie · 02/12/2017 22:02

If you're so convinced YANBU, why ask AIBU???

ButchyRestingFace · 02/12/2017 22:02

I have barely spoken to her in the last few months, then out of the blue I get a text asking if she can basically use my flat as a hotel, and then when I say its not a good time she has the cheek to have an attitude with me??

I think you would not have BU to say no in the first place. You were only going to see your friend as a byproduct of allowing her to stay at yours to facilitate her seeing someone else. And given the late notice, you’d have been particularly entitled to say no.

BUT, having said yes, I think you were BU to cancel in this way. I imagine it wasn’t a “good time” for her either when you cancelled just before her arrival.

And she was curt in her reply, not horrible. Probably panicking about where to stay.

Killerfiller · 02/12/2017 22:02

@Lamb

Lmfaooooo blunt 😂😂😂

19lottie82 · 02/12/2017 22:03

Of course she won’t stay after that last message..... no one would!

lurkingnotlurking · 02/12/2017 22:03

You are totally being unreasonable

mincebloodypiesagain · 02/12/2017 22:04

The problem is, it's obvious op didn't want her friend to stay at all and it's obvious the cat is a random excuse.

But while I think the friend was a CF it is still pretty awful to cancel this late.

Glumglowworm · 02/12/2017 22:06

You should’ve said no in the first place. But since you said yes you were BU to change your mind at such short notice.

I do hope your cat is ok Flowers you sound like you have a lot on your plate, and could do without hosting anyway. Maybe take it as a lesson learned to say no in the first place place next time to guests you don’t really want

Original poster
MilsCookie · 02/12/2017 22:07

Thanks for everyone’s comments. I suppose I’ll have to accept I have BU for cancelling at the last minute, but it’s not like I have left her homeless on the street. She can get the train home like I have said.

OP posts:
RandomUsernameHere · 02/12/2017 22:08

YABU for cancelling at such short notice, even if you do end up taking your cat to the vet (and I hope she's alright BTW).
You should have said no when she first asked, that would not have been unreasonable.

Original poster
MilsCookie · 02/12/2017 22:09

Next time I will just say no!

OP posts:
Katedotness1963 · 02/12/2017 22:10

You cancelled at 9 o'clock on a Saturday night near Christmas? I'm not surprised she was blunt.

Hope your cat is okay!

khajiit13 · 02/12/2017 22:10

Surely she will need to leave early if she has to use public transport?

bimbobaggins · 02/12/2017 22:11

That’s good you will say no but I suspect with this friend there won’t be a next time. I’ve cut people off for less

ButchyRestingFace · 02/12/2017 22:12

I said yes even though it was very late notice. I haven’t seen in her months so it’s not like a close friend - would have to do hosting/make conversation with her husband etc any other time I’d be a bit more up for it but it’s the fact I’ve got a busy weekend myself and it was such late notice confused

Then you should have said no. And your “busy weekend” would be just that little bit less busy, because you wouldn’t be sitting on MN at 22:00 of a Saturday night, asking the great and the good whether you were, in fact, BU.

In the words of the great Lauren Cooper - take the shame, mate.

Original poster
MilsCookie · 02/12/2017 22:15

To be honest I do feel bad about it, but I just want to make sure my cat is ok.

OP posts:
Loonoonow · 02/12/2017 22:17

YABU but I hopeyour cat is ok.

Changednamejustincase · 02/12/2017 22:19

You said she could stay. Then you said you couldn't just before she was actually supposed to be staying. You have her no notice. Her text to you was very polite considering. You should have just said no in the first place as you didn't want her to stay. You have not cancelled because your cat is limping. You have cancelled because you do not want her to stay.

SoftSheen · 02/12/2017 22:21

YABU, totally.

mothergetslippy · 02/12/2017 22:22

Oh dear, I hope your cat is ok, but it does seem that you didn't want her to stay in the first place. Maybe you used your cat being hurt as an excuse at the last minute?

I do think you are being unreasonable - its very late for them to find anywhere else. i don't think she was being blunt to you at all tbh. It could have been worse!!

Kitsharrington · 02/12/2017 22:26

YABVU if you didn't want her to stay you should have just said that to begin with.

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