AIBU to be furious about this article and cancel my Guardian subscription?

[whycantwegoonasthree]

www.theguardian.com/society/2017/nov/30/children-removed-from-family-home-over-parents-open-relationship

The children weren't removed because of their parents 'open relationship', they were removed because the parents were neglectful and didn't safeguard the children. The headline is a deliberate distortion.

This is a dreadful baity headline/article at the expense of the polyamorous community. I expect better from the guardian - to which I pay a f-ing subscription...

AIBU to cancel my Direct Debit?

Judge puts three children up for adoption due to parents' open relationship

In case you really are this hard of thinking, I'll spell it out what asafeguarding issue in this case is. Multiple partners, tramping in and out and being exposed to your kids, isn't keeping them safe when you have no idea who they are.
So it IS due to the open relationship, whether you want to acknowledge that and look at yourself hard or not.

You sound deluded and desperate for your relationship to be validated - I suspect, deep down, you're not at all happy with it but afraid to lose your 'DP'. You don't see people in happy relationships starting several threads a year asking for approval for it.

Exactly.

Yes,the open relationship was the issue as it caused multiple risks,was a SG issue,numerous other adults in property lack of safe boundaries
Poor parenting practices encapsulated As parenting from the sofa. Adults with a lack of regard to the children or the environment they were exposed to.

Op are you going to suggest the same to your daughter? Google it? Jeez. You have distorted her view of relationships already. She already thinks that it is normal to share your partner and not commit to one person. So if she discovers her partner is cheating in the future, will she feel she has to accept it? You can't guarantee she won't. You are offering a warped view of what a woman should expect in a relationship.

She already thinks that it is normal to share your partner and not commit to one person

It is perfectly normal, not common, but not 'abnormal'. Our relationship is honest, committed and consensual, just not monogamous. The two things aren't mutually exclusive however much you are determined to think they are.

My problem wasn't with the courts judgement - there were clearly multiple safeguarding issues and an inability to care for the children properly.

My issue with both the guardian article and the independent article (and the reason for posting) was the journalists erroneous portrayal that the 'open relationship' was the cause of the children's removal, rather than the fact that there were multiple reasons for it, only one of which was linked to the fact that the parents relationship was open.

Any of these circumstances could have occurred if the mother was single, for example, and conducting her relationships in an inappropriate way regarding her children.

That an 'open relationship' in and if itself is not a reason to remove children from their parents, but failure to conduct your life in a way that was safe for the children regardless of relationship status is.

And for the bazillion the time, no one is cheating or being cheated upon in our set up. Cheating involves lying and/or any party not consenting or being happy with the relationships. We're all perfectly content with how things are.

Agree with you, OP.

We're all perfectly content with how things are.

As I said upthread, it remains to be seen whether your insistence that your children are fine and won’t be bullied at school for having a “weird” mother turns out to be true.

But as long as your selfish needs are being met, don’t let that bother you.

I’m of the opinion you protest too much op,your overzealous narrative of how happy you all are
Why on Earth are you persisting in trying to convince other folk?
If it’s all so hunky dory just get on with what you all do.whats the need of approbation of others

It’s not the usual mn thread were one has to put a POV and a counter argument to a thread
No one raised polyamory only you,and you’re still banging in about it

How can a relationship be both committed and non-monogamous?

He isn’t committed to you is he? A lot of the time he is with his proper family, in a committed relationship the other partner is there through thick and thin, not pissing off when he fancies a change in bed, spending Christmas and other special family times with his main family. It’s nit even slightly committed is it?

It’s desperately sad. You’ve posted about this multiple times, over sharing details and seeming to really need to convince yourself that your setup is totally fine.

I can remember other posters who were in actual poly-relationships explaining to you multiple times why that wasn’t what you were doing.

What you are doing is sleeping with a married man. He still goes back to his real family because for some baffling reason his wife is too scared of losing him to stand up for herself.

You’ve been detailing more about your ex relationship, guessing you had a lot of self esteem issues coming out of that relationship?

Anyway op, best of luck to you. Sorry that no matter how many times you post you will never find the self-confirnation you are looking for. Here’s hoping your dc remain relatively unscathed enough to demand a bit more respect from their relationships.

Lipstick, I was posting about a news article I thought was deeply misleading regarding a matter which affects me. That's what chat forums are for.

If people then go on the offensive and tell me I'm damaging my children and make all kinds of spurious judgements about my life I have a right to defend myself.

Or indeed attempt to politely answer questions, when they have been politely asked...

Well, we own a property together. Share bills. Accompany each other to hospital appointments. Spend time with each other's children and families. Support each other financially, practically, and emotionally.

How is that not committed exactly?

Support each other financially, practically, and emotionally.

But clearly the emotional support you’re getting from each other isn’t enough, is it? Otherwise you wouldn’t be in sexual relationships with other people and claiming you “love” them.

I don't see your issue, the article seems fair and balanced to me, indeed is at pains to point out that it was neglect and not the parents private lives that were the issue.
Rant about nothing, IMO.

Because all one's support in life has to come from one person?

Don't be daft.

Because all one's support in life has to come from one person?

Don't be daft.

Of course not. But I don’t have sex with my friends and family.

Tiny, I thought the way the facts were presented, and the original headline especially was deeply misleading. Did you read the Independent article I linked to? It's even worse.

The both focus almost entirely on the open relationship aspect, when clearly that wasn't actually the issue. The issue was lack of safeguarding and carrying out their personal lives in a way which didn't place the children at risk.

Which is possible to do in an open relationship - but these parents either didn't or couldn't, probably because of the other issues around learning difficulties and mental health issues.

It's a desperately sad case. But not because the parents relationship is 'open'.

I don't read the Indo, I'm commenting on the graurdian article that was the cause of your ire.

I don't see any issue with it at all, and can't see why you would, tbh.

This is what you said:

But clearly the emotional support you’re getting from each other isn’t enough, is it? Otherwise you wouldn’t be in sexual relationships with other people and claiming you “love” them.

Now you've entirely stopped making sense. You were saying that our relationship was inadequate because we 'needed' emotional support from elsewhere. I'm saying that everyone gets emotional support from multiple sources. The fact that some of ours comes from other people with whom we also have sex is irrelevant to the point you were making.

Ok, well I do, Tiny. Very much so. So we'll have to agree to disagree.

I've written to the editor of each, anyway. So has DP.

In fact I find it odd that, given all you have said about your relationships (which I have zero opinion on, it couldn't be less my business or of interest to me), you seem determined to align yourself with the subjects of the article. I wouldn't have thought you had anything in common with them and am surprised you see this as anything at all to do with you or to be bothered by.

No, I said you weren’t committed to each other because you need to have sex with other people. You’re the one who introduced the word inadequate.

But actually, what’s the point. Why don’t you go and spend some time with the children who seem worried about how much time you’re spending with adults you want to have sex with. You’re not going to get the validation you need for your lifestyle choices on here.

You can own sixty houses together. He obviously isn’t that emotionally committed to you, he wouldn’t need his wife if he was.

He’s still married to someone else and has a whole proper family vying for his time.

It’s pure fantasy to imagine his dc (and your own) are over the moon at having their Ddad dumping them every so often to play happy families with his bit on the side.

Is that bit mentioned up thread true? Was he married and you had an affair before his wife found out (and then gave in because she was scared of losing him)?

I still don't understand why the OP doesn't realize that the articles, the judges comments and the judgement are about a particular family and not a judgement on every family where the parent or parents have multiple partners.

In fact the judge goes out his way to make this clear. Here is a quote from the judge In respect of both parents, the court is not concerned about their private lives and how they will conduct them unless it impacts on the care of the children – which at this time was neglectful.

I don’t usually read/drag up old posts from op’s but your so forgetful and deluded in some of your posts op that I had to take a gander.

My husband and I have been separated for some time, for several years while living in separate parts of the same home. But I moved out in October 2015, and have been renting since

You posted that this year in august.

So when you say you own property with someone else’s dh how many houses are we supposed to believe you own?