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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you had a bone to pick with someone pregnant...

61 replies

FGSholdthedoor · 01/12/2017 09:56

and I mean due date in the next 2 days pregnant.

If you only just found something out that upset you or made you angry with the pregnant lady, would you attempt to question and confront her before or after she had her baby?

Just trying to see if I am BU about something...

OP posts:
pigeondujour · 01/12/2017 10:10

I feel like someone who would say "you shouldn't confront me about upsetting you because I'm near my due date" would also say "you shouldn't confront me when I'm a vulnerable new mother", so I think it's more about whether it's reasonable to confront her for it at all, which depends on what she did to upset this person.

ICanNeverThinkOfAGoodUsrname · 01/12/2017 10:10

I'm pregnant, I don't see it as a free pass to act like a dick but if you started beef with me over something pathetic at this point I would judge you.

It really really does depend on what you're annoyed about.

SlartyFarkBarstard · 01/12/2017 10:11

Unless it’s life or death leave it until a later date.

MyKingdomForBrie · 01/12/2017 10:12

I don’t ‘pick bones’ anyway because I hate confrontation so I would just leave well alone!

HeartburnCentral · 01/12/2017 10:15

Without excusing bad behaviour, she's due in 2 days so she has enough on her plate. There's very few reasonable 'bones' worth causing stress to a heavily pregnant woman as she's about to have her baby. Wait until she has recovered, is less hormonal and isn't too sleep deprived. What's so important that it can't wait?

thegrinchreaper · 01/12/2017 10:15

I'd definitely get it out the way before the baby arrives.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 01/12/2017 10:16

Before she has the baby but it depends on

  • whether she's likely to give a shit about your feelings
  • what this issue is
  • how close you are

Is it possible to let it go or ask her partner/close family to help sort this out?

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2017 10:19

It depends on what it was and it also depends on how she's coping with her pregnancy.

If it was a big enough issue and if she was ok health-wise then yes, of course I'd question her about it.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 01/12/2017 10:21

Depends what it is. Probably better to get it out of the way now as she'll be too busy to breathe over the next few months and you may not get a chance.

Original poster
FGSholdthedoor · 01/12/2017 10:21

Wow lots of replies...
Sorry I think this came across as a bit of a reverse - I didn't mean for that.

I'll give more context. I'm the pregnant one.
Have a strained family situation due to OH and DP(arents) being NC - been going on for over a year. I ended up stuck in the middle.

Anyway I had a phone call from my DGM a few days ago - she was asking me about the situation as (I'm assuming) it's all a bit hard for them to hear about especially since there's a new addition arriving soon. I was a bit straight with her as I really didn't think it was a time to bring this up and mentioned that it's not "sorted between them" and said its not simple or easy and probably won't work out any time soon. Left it at that.
Also had a conversation with my DF on the same day and was a bit more straight with my opinions as I got sick of tiptoeing around it and softening what I say since they're obviously not concerned about bringing it up with me in my current state.

Just to point out there was no arguing, disagreements, swearing or shouting. Just straight to the point honesty from my side. Finished the call talking about something completely different etc.

Now had a barrage of texts from my DM accusing me of telling DGM that she (DM) is "jealous" - nothing like that has been said so I'm Confused
She's asked if there's something wrong with me.
Saying how I don't respect her, implying they're not my words but OHs and it must be me or him that's jealous. Saying " is manipulative and tries to influence and control everyone and everything and everyone knows that"
She said she also knows what I said to DF and they're apparently not my words.
She finished off saying how she's surprised by my actions.

(Just summarised the main points as texts were quite long)

I've resolved to not replying. I'm not taking calls (not had any yet) on the landline unless I know it's not her or DF.
I'm due to have a baby any day and I feel like she doesn't really consider that fact and the fact I just want a bit of peace and quiet.

AIBU to ignore and not react for now? - especially since the main accusation is BS?

OP posts:
loobyloo1234 · 01/12/2017 10:21

Unless she's pregnant by your DH I would leave well alone for now

Rebeccaslicker · 01/12/2017 10:21

2 days before I had DD I was fully compos mentis. For months afterwards I was a milk stained sleep deprived zombie!

Birdsgottafly · 01/12/2017 10:24

What's her family like?

Unless it was something really serious that my DD had done maliciously, then I'd smash your face in, if she was upset about it. Don't give a shit how that makes me sound. High blood pressure and being distressed is dangerous in late pregnancy.

Any decent person would think you were a piece of shit to confront an-about-to-go-into-labour Woman, unless it's serious.

So be aware that it might change a lot of people's opinion of you and you aren't going to come out being right.

Are you going to corner her on her own?

Kentnurse2015 · 01/12/2017 10:25

So your partner is no contact with your parents? I'm confused

Birdsgottafly · 01/12/2017 10:26

X post.

Unbelievable that your family are the ones doing this.

She is so unreasonable, it's indescribable.

I wouldn't engage with her at all.

Your DH needs to step in when you've had the baby to tell them to lay off you.

peachgreen · 01/12/2017 10:26

Oh okay, I've just noticed OP's username.

OP, your parents are the absolute worst. We tell you this every time you post. Personally I would have gone NC a long time ago, but if you're not prepared to do that, you need to at least arm yourself in the knowledge that they will continue to try to hurt and upset you at every available opportunity.

ginswinger · 01/12/2017 10:30

I was stalked by a complete stranger up until 2 days before I gave birth. The police (and later judge) took a very dim view of harrassing a heavily pregnant woman and he was told in no uncertain terms that regardless of how right he felt, this wasn't the time.

Caroelle · 01/12/2017 10:30

Ignore them, yanbu. However your mum is probably anxious about you having the baby and worried that the issues with your OH will lead to her not being able to see the baby. This doesn’t excuse her behaviour, I’m just trying to put it in some context. In your place, I would just send a quick text to say that you are not engaging in any further discussions with her about your OH, you are going to get some rest and will not be speaking to heranswering the phone to her until she has had time to calm down because you don’t need the stress at this stage in your pregnancy. I hope all goes well with the birth.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 01/12/2017 10:31

I would rather have talked about something whilst pregnant and feeling fine emotionally than afterwards when I was sleep deprived for weeks and feeling emotional.

Pregnancy doesn't affect your ability to have a conversation does it and it sounds like your gran was just enquiring so she knew what the deal was once the baby was born.

Whole thing sounds a bit of a nightmare.

Original poster
FGSholdthedoor · 01/12/2017 10:48

Just to also clarify I don't think my DF knows about the texts she's sent.

This is also the DM that had a long rant at me, how I am with DS, OHs shortcomings and the situation and put on the waterworks about "going NC if she has to even though it would break her heart" because I said I MIGHT have to rearrange the day I was coming to visit as we needed to finish renovations and we're waiting for confirmation of when the workmen were coming. (Turned out they weren't coming on that day so I could've come after all) - I was 6 months pregnant at the time.

OP posts:
easyReader · 01/12/2017 10:51

I'd broach the subject. She's pregnant not mentally incapable.

KitKat1985 · 01/12/2017 11:05

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I think it was okay to bring it up now, as you're still a grown woman capable of adult conversations (although I don't think it should have been discussed as aggressively with you as your DM chose to do so). It would have been worse I think to have done it when you had a newborn because I know from previous experience I was a sore, hormonal, tearful mess for the first few weeks after my DDs were born.

redshoeblueshoe · 01/12/2017 11:10

Honestly I'd be going NC. Good luck x

HeartburnCentral · 01/12/2017 11:11

Since your update, I would text back and say you have enough on your plate being heavily pregnant and you do not want to discuss this anymore. Yours and your baby's health are the most important thing now and they should sort out their differences without involving you. The arrival of a new baby is a special time and they should be showing you love and support, not trying to stress you out.

Original poster
FGSholdthedoor · 01/12/2017 11:16

To be honest I just don't know what she's expecting me to do since this will not be sorted before this baby arrives.
First of all the "jealousy" accusation is news to me so I don't even know what that's about.

Second of all I'm sick of everything that I say that doesn't sit with her is just proof to her that I've been brainwashed and I'm just repeating what my OH is saying and I'm being "controlled" by him.

Thirdly what am I supposed to do at this point? she's asked me if there's "something wrong with me" and bad mouthed my OH to me. Am I supposed to pretend that didn't happen and call her all happy and inviting when her grandchild is born?

OP posts:
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