Who is in the right re educating DC? (1st world probs)

[butterflynight]

I have recently inherited a fairly large sum of money & potentially want to put it towards DCs education. However DH & I do not agree on how we should allocate it as it's not enough to pay for both DCs entire education.
DH thinks we should pay for private prep that preps DC for 11+ & then send them to grammar school. He thinks this will be cheaper & that grammar school kids are more appealing when applying for uni/jobs.

DC1 is in an outstanding local primary (reception) & I love it. I think it's a waste to spend the money on prep when we have a fantastic state primary on our doorstep. Plus I wouldn't want to put DC through a grammar school unless they could cope with it & we won't know that for a while yet. I would rather do state primary & then move them to private secondary even though it will cost more & have less cache.

Completely understand this is a 1st world problem & I do not believe private is necessarily better then state. DH went private but I went to catholic schools so it's new to me. Who do you think is BU?

Could you not put it aside for university?

As khalliwali said will there be any difficulty in moving them from state to private? tbh the primary eldest DC attends probably has a v.similar demographic to the local preps as the catchments are teeny.

wander1ng your right, the schools here are excellent but we are likely to move in the future (maybe Sutton or Kent way) so would have a few more grammar options available.

Sorry to hear that countingkids but glad it's worked out.

My main concern is their happiness & I do not want them to feel pressured into life choices that are not right for them.

CruCru 300k.

We have a fair bit of equity in our home so should be able to help the kids with a deposit too in the future.

So my instincts are right to stick with what we have now, thanks MNs!

I know plenty here that passed and failed 11+ , went to state primary and then selective private secondary. They have all had easy transitions and are on sports teams etc!!

Moanyoldcow That is DHs concern, we could afford to pay for an entire private education but it would involve sacrifice & im not sure I'm keen on it as I was state educated (albeit v.good catholic schools). We are in NappyValley now but would likely move to Sutton/Kingston/Kent for more space in the future.

Pay for secondary. Yeah kids can get good grades in state school. But they don’t get the extras, and even if you provide these yourselves, it’s a very different peer group.

"it’s a very different peer group"

What do you mean?

Would it make more sense to pay off £300k of the mortgage, freeing up monthly income for any school and university fees you might want to pay in the future?

SW London mum. Our local state school sends 50% of its kids to one of the private secondaries. All with tutoring. And they fit in fine. There is a large cohort of state kids going into any SW London independent school at 11. (We are at a private prep in SW London). I would save your money for secondary. The SW London secondaries are pretty much the best schools in the country.

State primary then private secondary (or try for grammar)

We are also in SW London and my children went to the local state primary and my youngest is still there. I don't get the impression that it's hard to get into the private schools so long as you can afford the fees. There are plenty of not particularly bright children, who have moved to private schools from our primary or moved to private at 11+. Actually it's usually the kids who are struggling to keep up in the state school or are dyslexic, who are moved to the private schools during primary. I've never heard of a child at the school not being able to get into some kind of private school at full fees. Obviously, some private schools, like Kings College Wimbledon are much more selective and some children can only go if they get a bursary, which makes it more difficult.

I'm also not convinced that private school children are "streets ahead" in everything. It's perfectly possible to give a child music or drama lessons, play sport after school, weekends etc while they are at a state school. They're not all dragging their knuckles on the ground.

Stay state/Grammar if your
Options are good.
You could use that money to support uni and career- can be expensive!

It probably depends on which SW school your child currently goes too. If its Honeywell, Belleville or Henry Cavendish Balham (or somewhere similar), I would keep your child there.

Just to be clear, my son is being educated in the state sector at a great primary school, he's having a wonderful time and the school is nurturing and fantastic. The reality though is that the budget constraints are such that extra-curricular activities are not prioritised and I have to make big efforts to get him involved outside of school and this is tricky as it's new, various environments with different children so no 'friends' to support him.

I am state-educated and learned to play an instrument well, had riding lessons, dance classes etc but many of the children I come into contact with where I work surpass 'normal' expectations - it is not normal to be Grade 6-8 in 3 instruments at 13 and this is reasonably common here.

Of course children at state schools aren't 'knuckle-draggers' but my son hasn't started learning rugby or cricket and these are the norm in private prep schools from Reception - you'd be lucky to place twice a year at some state schools as they don't have the resources, and I know I'd find is a bit demoralising to head to a school at 11/13 where my peers had been learning sports and instruments IN SCHOOL for 7-9 years and I was just starting out.

People usually assume my sister and I went to private school. Our accents are neutral rather than posh, but the big difference is the range of cultural knowledge and experiences we've had that mark us - to some people - as from a different background.

Spend you money giving children cultural experiences, great sporting, creative and educational experiences.

We were part of Young Archaeologist's Club - lots of extra history education, as well as practical and creative fun. We had riding lessons, music lessons, and on holidays we were in museums, galleries etc all the time. People assume a lot about you when you can pluck what are really on a practical level 'useless' facts out of the air about Greek Gods, Welsh castles, poetry etc.

If they're happy in their current good school and doing really well then I would leave them where they are. Don't mention the money to them. Wait till they reach secondary age and see what the best school for them is. Then use the money to give yourselves options. Of course, if either of them should start to struggle in the state primary then you can consider your options earlier - but it all sounds very calm just now. You could always supplement a bit if there is anything the state primary doesn't provide that they would be keen to do (music lessons, language lessons etc).

If it was me (and im biased as I dont believe in private education unless there is really no choice) I would use the money for amazing travels and interesting eye opening family experiences....if you nurture and love your children and let them try lots of things and do creative arts and sport outside school they will be happy and well rounded...

Id keep them where they are happy and if you really feel the need you can pay for private education when they are older

And also.. Stop listening to crazy over driven parents in your neighbourhood. Your kids are probably in the top one per cent globally in terms if educational opportunity and lifestyle. .even if they stay in state school

If you are going to send them to a private secondary, budget £20k per child per year. If you have two kids, that will be £280k. Private school fees increase by about 5% a year I think - so, depending on how the money is invested, you may still have a shortfall.

You have to bear in mind that DC, with the best will in the world might not be academically able. So you could go DH's route and end up with a DC that isn't suited to grammar school.

A prep doesn't guarantee that DC will pass the Eleven Plus exam.

Also it's unfair to put that pressure on DC. You should be happy that as long as they're doing their best, every achievement is an achievement.

We worked with DC2 on a few areas and they moved sets, but we've always agreed not to add pressure at say SATs as the nerves could affect performance.

The only way to guarantee a place at a Grammar School is to get them in before the entry exam. Can you budget extend that far?

With private schools you need to factor in trips etc, otherwise if you can only cover say the education aspect, they'll be a prime target for richer kids where money is no object.

Would you be better off saving it as a deposit on a house fund, or uni fund, first car fund. Or is the local secondary school really bad?

historymad yes one of those so I realise how lucky we are.

waterrat I know & most of the time I don't get sucked in but sometimes I can't help it.

crucru Yep that's what we have forecasted. Before our windfall we had discussed it as a possibility in the future anyway. We could bridge the shortfall as we have paid out 2k plus a month on nursery in the past but obviously a lump sum provides us with a lot more security.

Thanks again all!

The only way to guarantee a place at a Grammar School is to get them in before the entry exam

Eh?

"The only way to guarantee a place at a Grammar School is to get them in before the entry exam."

What do you mean?

Completely ignoring the State Grammar issue, if I had to choose I would definitely choose Senior school over Prep, especially if your DC are at an outstanding primary. We’ve done both senior, Prep and state and although one of the preps was really (really, really) good, it was still not as crucial as the senior. The only caveat I have though is that for a child who struggles, if you can afford Independent education, do it for them. The bright ones tend to do proportionally much better in every school, but the strugglers don’t.

Our state primary was amazing. One twin got a high score for super selective the other got an ok score but did not get in.

He's at a comp now that's not comparable with the primary sadly and we are thinking of private now (yr 7)

For me the secondary is more important or moving to a great catchment if you can. Our primary was just superb and I doubt any private could have brought out the best academically, emotionally and socially. Even now in yr 7 the DS at comp is relying on what he learnt in year 6 to see him through Science as its just not being taught at the comp. He's being bullied too but thats another thread.

The answer is very obvious. Send them to a prep school now and then they can apply for bursaries and scholarships when they get older. If they show promise the top public schools will be very generous with bursaries. Many schools also offer scholarships that allow for a discount of fees. There is also a chance that you income would have increased by then any way.

ttbb I have never considered those options. I assumed that scholarships were for gifted children. DC1 is bright but not shown any signs of genius. Is there a cap on how much you earn to quality for bursaries? I also thought they took into account house equity etc.