Can I just give cash to DD for Xmas

[insomniac123]

DD who is 17 eldest of 4 wants a Mac Book for Christmas, she has told me firstly she won't be happy with anything else ( I know the face she pulls and attitude she gets if she doesn't get what she wants) and secondly that I should buy less for her siblings so she get what she wants. They aren't as ungrateful as she is at all!

I have asked her if she thinks over the last few months she's being deserving of this gift, baring in mind she's rolled in drunk, shouted and screamed at everyone, told DH she has no respect for him and just generally been vile to be around. She threw a fit because we wouldn't buy and insure her a car for 17th - despite never having had a lesson.

We aren't massively wealthy but could buy her a good laptop with everything she needs on it - because she needs it - not for Christmas, but she insists it must be a Mac Book nothing else. I just think she doesn't deserve it at the moment.

Is it unreasonable of me to just give her money towards it and nothing else as she says she doesn't want anything else and will be disappointed/ cross if I get her anything else

Don't even give her the cash - transfer it into her bank account.

Tell her before Christmas that if she wants a Macbook she needs to save for it and you will transfer the cash to start her savings.

Tell her alternatively she can have presents that fall within the budget you have in mind so that she has stuff to open on Christmas day.

DS wants a Macbook Air and is about £250 short (having saved the rest over a number of years, bits of birthday and Christmas money, some work money etc) He is having £150 from us as Christmas present with some stocking fillers. He doesn't know yet that Grandad is going to give him the other £100 but thinks he will be topping it up from his part-time job earnings.

this was she is involved in making a grown-up decision. If she still pouts and strops she is not capable of a grown-up decision or a grown-up gift.

Yanbu to give cash only. Buying her the MacBook is not going to help her attitude- it will probably make her even more entitled. I'd warn her that she'd be getting a partial contribution before Xmas so that she doesn't kick off on the day. Tell her that you'll deduct £50 for each tantrum about this.

I wouldn’t give her the money but maybe a voucher for pc world instead! That way she can’t spend it on clothes / going out / make up. She could choose a cheaper lap top or save the rest up for a Mac book.
FYI am sure she will be fine, age 17 I was so irresponsible with money and getting drunk every weekend, now I never drink and have no choice but to be responsible with money. As long as she’s not getting into debt and at age 17 I can’t imagine how let her have some freedom to throw money away, it might be the only time in her life she gets the opportunity to. I know this may go against a lot of the replies on here but that’s my opinion. Xx

Both my DD and DS1 wanted a MacBook before going to uni. They used their savings and money we gave them which we would have used to buy a laptop for them. They were both adamant that a MacBook was what they wanted, and now she's three years down the line, DD is still highly delighted with its performance. I therefore understand why a MacBook is desirable, but your DD's attitude is one of entitlement. If she is earning money, she should be able to save money, so the idea of giving her money in a separate bank account is one that appeals here. Buy her a MacBook now and she'll still be demanding something of similar standing next year - might be back to demanding a car. You have to say no at some point.

However, I wouldn't want to give her her whole Christmas present in one money envelope, so would also buy something else for her. But this is my personal approach to Christmas - I don't particularly like to give money. Make up sounds like a good idea for her.

1. She's going to be cross whatever she gets unless it's a MacBook.

Two words; Tough. Shit.

You're kowtowing to a 17 year old girl, all because she WANTS a Macbook.

Not quite the same, but as a bratty 15yo my parents overheard me bragging to friends that I always got the presents I wanted for birthdays/Christmas by asking for something more expensive that I didn't really want and then suggesting the thing I actually wanted as a compromise

A month later when I turned 16 I was handed a £20 note and reminded of what I'd told my friends to much embarrassment. As an only child who was used to getting my own way this was a huge wake up call, and even now as a 30 something I have utmost respect for the way my parents handled the situation. Perhaps your DD could do with a similar wake up call?

I don't think this is a problem. My parents have given my two sisters and I money (same amount each) since I was around 18 years old. My parents reasoning is that it avoids wasting money on gifts we don't really want or need. I haven't missed it opening large gifts at Christmas, it is nice to spend time with family.

While her siblings sit there opening gifts she'll feel awful

Tough. Might make her change her tune with how she is treating you all.

*She's going to be cross whatever she gets unless it's a MacBook.

Two words; Tough. Shit.

You're kowtowing to a 17 year old girl, all because she WANTS a MacBook*

Biker47 - You took the words right out of my mouth.

She'll be cross if she doesn't get a MacBook.... Start saving lovely girl.......

With that attitude I'd be inclined to give her a lump of coal for Christmas and maybe a voucher for Charm School!

My word, if I ever spoke to my parents like that!! Can you sneak a look at her make up and get her some of that to open and give her some money towards it. If she fitters it away, it's her fault.

At 16 I had a part time job and brought my own clothes and saved!

I honestly don't think she is deserving of it and is being very selfish. I would spend more on the others and try to teach her a lesson... then that may just be me lol

Sounds just like my dd1, we offered her a car for her 21St but she wouldn't accept just any car there was needless criteria. To cut a long story short we didn't get her a car. Purely based on her attitude. A year later when she really needed a car, we gave her some money towards it, only a few hundred quid but she was finally grateful for it.

I'd say fine we can't afford the macbook so here's your other presents. Should you decide you want a laptop (in our price range) then you can have it for your birthday.

It won't kill her to wait or make do with what she's got now. She'll sulk whether you get a laptop or not on Christmas day so you might as well teach her a lesson at the same time. She said no laptop if not a macbook, take her at her word.
Merry Christmas to all with teenagers.

So many sensible posters on here, I would suggest a cash gift (and maybe a couple of tiny gifts to open). She is being v v unreasonable to demand a Macbook (and also for suggesting the other 3 DCs should go without so she could have one), imho it's just a super expensive laptop (ie does exactly the same thing as other computers/laptops, is just Apple and therefore more expensive for what it is) if she doesn't work/save for it herself she won't appreciate it at all.

Seconding the voucher suggestion - when I was a teen I had a large amount of cash for a birthday and wasted the lot on a couple of nights out

Wouldn't do it now!

Many thanks for all suggestions, I think I will go for a few little things to open and voucher so money can't be dribbled away. And yes I will forewarn her so I don't have to suffer 'the face' on Christmas morning!

I'd just buy her a few nice bits to open and tell her you will give her £x towards her Mac book but only once she has saved the remainder. I would tell her this now in the hope that by Christmas it would have sunk in that she can't always have what she wants.I don't like her attitude towards her siblings having less so that she can have more. Has she always been so entitled?

She doesn’t need a MacBook anyway. For her needs - I’m assuming a few essays for school and internet for Facebook research - a far cheaper notebook would suffice.

I’d also be tempted to take her at her word and not buy her anything. Spend what you would’ve spent on her on her siblings - she should be fine with this, given her attitude

I have a daughter the same age (17) and another age 13. Really sorry OP but she sounds like a complete brat, and my daughters are a long, long way from perfect. I cannot imagine either of them demanding something of that price range for Christmas (suggestions of Christmas gifts can be made in our house but demands of something way over budget would be met with a 'ha ha ha NO' - and I would expect to hear no more about it ). I ask my girls for suggestions of what they would like, but they never expect to get everything they ask for, and sometimes they will suggest something and I will tell them that I am up to my budget for them, if it's quite close to Christmas and I have finished their shopping.
The fact that she has suggested that you spend less on her siblings so that you can purchase the Macbook implies that it is far more than your usual Xmas budget per child, and I am shocked that she feels that she is more deserving than the other children in your household - how bloody entitled and selfish!
I wouldn't put up with the sulking and stropping on Christmas Day, she would be eating Christmas dinner by herself in her room, with all internet devices confiscated.

I don't understand those who are saying that she is a teenager and will grow out of it - Mumsnet is full of posts from people complaining about spoilt, entitled, selfish adults and what CF they are. At what magical age will she suddenly turn into a caring, considerate adult if she constantly gets her own way?
Empathy, kindness and consideration need to be reinforced over and over in children of all ages, selfishness and tantrums should not be pandered to, ever.

Honestly OP - crack down on the bratty behaviour and buy her what you want to buy her, that you think is reasonable. If she complains, remove said items and give them to the charity shop but don't replace them or give her anything else. If she strops/tantrums, isolate her so that she doesn't have an audience to play to. And that includes the fawning FB/instagram crowd, by cutting her off from the internet.

If you give in, her other three siblings are going to grow up resenting the fact that she always got more because of her foot stamping 'me me me' attitude, or worse still, they will copy her behaviour!

Given that she spends money like water 💸 I'd be giving her a voucher towards the cost of the MacBook, which can only be used when she can present the rest of the money - at least it will stop her frittering the money away

She wants a MacBook and nothing else?

Get her this

A Mac Book is £900+ realistically. Yes I know they are fashionable but it is highly unlikely she really requires one for anything other than aesthetics unless she wants to do graphic design/photo editing / development etc. I work in Tech and everyone works from them, luckily even me in HR.

It pains me to even consider spending the money on buying one for myself to use personally never mind buying a 17 year old one.

Agree with the suggestion about an account with money in. Think its time to give her a reality check about your finances and the Macbook / car etc.

Other than the fact she sounds like she has been a complete pain in the ass recently, I think it is a good time to instil financial values in her.

My parents did this with me and really instilled into me 'we don't buy what we can't afford' mentality. IE, my Dad purchased my brother and me, ( close in age) a car to learn in but it was a 8 year old model. We were very grateful because we knew they made sacrifices to pay up £1400 in insurance or something crazy for two learners/ then young drivers.

What they have instilled in me about gifts/cars things like that has really made a lasting impact on my financial understanding and savy-ness. She is only 1 year off being able to apply for credit cards so her attitude seems worrying.

DH doesn't think that she is deserving of equal to the others who have behaved (as normal Kids) and haven't been as hard work/rude/ mean /thoughtless.
It depends whether Christmas presents are a reward for being good l yeah or bought because its Christmas. However I would buy her GIFT VOUCHERS not cash for the beat place to buy the laptop she wants and then she can add cash to it to buy it

open a savings account for her (in your name) and put the money in there, and she can add to it, but not take it out and when she has enough she can buy a macbook

i wouldnt do vouchers as if she loses them, or doesnt save enough its money wasted

Was thinking of her drinking the money away Violetta bit savings account is good idea.

Depends really how close to target she will be. If its 200 and OP gives 150 and she'sclikely to get cash off Granny or has a job vs if its 200 and OP gives 50 and no one else gives cash and she hasn't got a job