Are work being U or am I?

[Rubbermaid]

I’m a single parent of a 17 month old. Before she was born I worked full time in an office of three people, our jobs were all equal and our manager is based in the next office.
When I returned two days a week when my maternity leave ended, they did not cover the days I was no longer doing, so instead of there being three people in full time there is one full time staff member and me doing thurs and fri and another doing mon-wed. For that reason if anyone is on holiday there is only ever one person in the office and management have obviously decided that this is sufficient. We are not allowed to take annual leave if another person in the office is off too, for this reason.

This week dd has been ill. She’s got what appears to be a virus with coughing and a high temp and last night she threw up. I texted my manager to warn him that I would probably not be in tomorrow as the childminder is unlikely to take her. This shouldn’t be a problem as my other colleague is in but she is on annual leave on Friday. My manager texted back (no comment towards dd as in concern for her) saying if she’s not well on Friday could I try to get my family or a friend to look after her as they won’t have cover in the office.

None of my friends here (I’m originally from elsewhere in the country) would be able to look after my sick dd as they all have babies themselves - all the friends I have locally are ones that I met in baby groups. My mum can sometimes help but she’s in her 60s and suffers with painful mobility problems so it’s not fair to ask her to drop everything and in any case she has a life of her own and has plans. There is no one else.

AIBU to think this is a bit off of him to say this, knowing that I would do everything I could in any case not to leave them without cover as I’m an extremely reliable and conscientious person with no track record of taking the piss in any way? Since I returned from maternity I have not had a day off or been late even once, compared to other staff who don’t have to get a child ready who often stroll in ten minutes late?

If I have a sick child and no one to look after her then what else can I do? It was their decision to not fully cover my hours when I reduced them after maternity. And I’d be taking any time out of my annual leave allowance.

Also, although it would mean asking staff from a different office to cover (same building, so twenty feet away) they are all trained in what we do in our office so they could come and cover as we have had to cover theirs in the past due to staff sickness or training or meetings or whatever else crops up.

Now on top of the stress of dealing with a poorly dd on my own all week, with no sleep, I feel stressed that people are going to be pissed off with me at work too.

I feel I should stress that it’s not the content of the message that’s upset me, as in itself it’s not unreasonable, but the fact that he’s felt it necessary to say it, knowing the circumstances and knowing that I would try to make provision anyway if possible. It just seemed designed to almost intimidate me a bit.

Please be kind even if you think I’m being unreasonable, I’ve had on average two hours of broken sleep per night all week and no respite in the day so can’t really cope with a flaming.

I think they ABU in saving a 1/3 on wages yet expecting 2 staff members a day to take on the responsibilities of 3. They don't have the right to take that out on you.

I think you're overthinking a bit - no doubt because you're exhausted and feeling vulnerable. He's just thinking ahead to Friday and heading off any potential problems which seems sensible to me. I hope she's better soon op, it must be exhausting coping with that on your own

I believe you are entitled to unpack d time off for dependants as a statutory right?

Unpaid time off.

I agree with let'ssplash too actually - if work do give you a hard time they would be unreasonable, they've put themselves in this position really by running a skeleton staff.

I’m pretty sure you’re entitled to unpaid time off to look after children.
They are being unreasonable to suggest this to you. I would suggest to him that he ask the other office like you mentioned in your post, and if your child Is still unwell you will be staying home to look after her

Thank you, it’s really got to me but maybe it’s because I’m so tired. I feel hurt because I’ve gone out of my way to not let the fact that I’m a single parent affect my work in any way, I’ve never asked for favours or let them down. So now when it’s unavoidable I feel like he could be a bit more understanding

He's not being unreasonable to ask you to try to make other arrangements (you are entitled to emergency dependent's leave to make those arrangements), but equally you wouldn't be unreasonable to let him know that it's not possible as childminders etc. don't take sick children.

It would be diplomatic to leave enough time before your reply to ask around anyone that might help - whether you do ask them or not.

This outlines your rights to unpaid time off www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants but far, far easier to keep things co-operative, a good employer will give more than the basic provision if they know you are doing your best

You are allowed unpaid time off if agreed in advance.
You are also allowed unpaid time off to make necessary arrangements in an "emergency" e.g. enough time to find someone else to care for your child.
You have no legal right to take time off just because your child is ill.

Of course it would be nice if your work could be more accommodating, but you also need to look into alternatives if something happened again - I know you don't want to ask your friends, but maybe they would be happy to agree a reciprocal arrangement, or some childcare providers take children who are not well (depending on level of illness).

You're allowed emergency time off - so if your child vomits all over the place one morning you take the day off unpaid to try to sort cover. Today's only Wednesday though and you already know you might not make it in on Friday so that's not an emergency. Parental leave not for emergencies has to be booked in advance in blocks of a week at a time as I understand it, and again is unpaid.

Book annual leave. And try to get a plan B for dealing with this sort of situation in the future.

Echoing others, you really need a plan B and C for childcare OP. You can't expect time off to do it every time she is ill. When I was a single parent, I made a deal with my neighbour where we looked after each other's kids on our days off when they were ill. Now, I use an emergency nanny when my employer can't accomodate me but luckily DHs job is quite flexible so we dont have to do this often. The point is, you need a plan.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect an employee to work on finding alternate childcare. And I say that as a single parent with no living relatives. I will normally take a day off if there is no notice for a sick child (Eg they woke up in the middle of the night vomiting), but I spend that day trying to find care for following days, even if it means paying babysitter rates (which may be more than my own wages, but that is the way it goes when you are a single parent).

See the useful link Mummyretired posted on time off for dependants. Contrary to what RedSky said, you can take time off if your child is ill -
any employer that tried to discipline you / treat you unfairly for that would be in trouble, see here: www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/problems-when-you-take-time-off - but you have to take it either as parental leave (unpaid) or annual leave (paid but obviously uses up your annual leave allowance). Not sure how RedSky manages to persuade her friends to look after a sick child that isn't their own...

It doesn't sound as if you are always asking for time off to look after a sick child. Work is being unreasonable IMHO as they are down to minimum staff with a panic on if somebody needs time off without much notice. But employers aren't obliged to pay you for time used for childcare. And you say there is other staff in a nearby building who could cover. Then yes work should be a bit more flexible.

See the useful link Mummyretired posted on time off for dependants. Contrary to what RedSky said, you can take time off if your child is ill

yes, in an EMERGENCY. The gov link gives the example of time off to make arrangements for care when a child falls ill. This situation is not an emergency in that it's 2 days in advance. It would be reasonable for the employer to expect the OP to use the rest of today or tomorrow to make alternative arrangements, then be free for work on Friday.

Unpaid parental leave is different - you have to give 3 weeks' notice in writing and take in in blocks of a week.

Don't go spreading fake information such as "of course you can take time off for sick children" as that;s not entirely true.

Can her father look after her?

Can you work from home?

Unless it’s your responsibility to cover sickness/absence then I wouldn’t worry too much.
Surely the office manager is the one responsible for arranging cover, it is not reasonable to expect someone with ill children to find someone who looks after sick children just so they can go to work because the workload is already too thinly spread.
Or am I being stupid? Is there a RL childcare company that takes ill kids despite symptoms/ spreading germs etc should parents can resume their jobs!
If your kids were ill in school and you were asked to collect them and not return until symptoms have gone (48hours if sickness) what do parents do then?
I would make as many suggestions as you can to get your shift covered but ultimately I don’t believe it’s your responsibility to do so.

badmistake the short staffing is a red herring, ypyr employer is not legally obliged to give you extended time off to care for ill kids. Emergency leave whilst making other arrangements is standard, otherwise using annual leave is an option if your employer agrees it at short notice. This is the same wether you are understaffed or at full capacity.

Could you look for an emergency nanny. We have a link at work for nannies etc. Alternatively you might catch the bug yourself!

Annual leave doesn’t solve the fact that no one will be in the office though.
Agreed they could use it against a parent taking too many days off to look after children. And in this instance I would suggest making the time up. But it seems like the office structure is stretched too much as it is. If this becomes a bigger issue I would look for a more family friendly job.

But badmistake - you cannot expect offices to employ extra staff or retail businesses to have extra people just in case someone can't come in. When there's a genuine emergency, the managers try to get other people to do overtime, or for people to come in on their day off. Having staff not showing up when you're relying on them to be there can be hugely disruptive.

I think at this time Boss is simply asking a question of you. I also personally wouldn't expect a boss to enquire over your child's welfare either. Unless I've missed it, is dad around to help out?

To a parent with no other childcare means this is an emergency.

There are agencies that can provide people at short notice.

badmistake That does not make it an emergency.