Are work being U or am I?

[Rubbermaid]

I’m a single parent of a 17 month old. Before she was born I worked full time in an office of three people, our jobs were all equal and our manager is based in the next office.
When I returned two days a week when my maternity leave ended, they did not cover the days I was no longer doing, so instead of there being three people in full time there is one full time staff member and me doing thurs and fri and another doing mon-wed. For that reason if anyone is on holiday there is only ever one person in the office and management have obviously decided that this is sufficient. We are not allowed to take annual leave if another person in the office is off too, for this reason.

This week dd has been ill. She’s got what appears to be a virus with coughing and a high temp and last night she threw up. I texted my manager to warn him that I would probably not be in tomorrow as the childminder is unlikely to take her. This shouldn’t be a problem as my other colleague is in but she is on annual leave on Friday. My manager texted back (no comment towards dd as in concern for her) saying if she’s not well on Friday could I try to get my family or a friend to look after her as they won’t have cover in the office.

None of my friends here (I’m originally from elsewhere in the country) would be able to look after my sick dd as they all have babies themselves - all the friends I have locally are ones that I met in baby groups. My mum can sometimes help but she’s in her 60s and suffers with painful mobility problems so it’s not fair to ask her to drop everything and in any case she has a life of her own and has plans. There is no one else.

AIBU to think this is a bit off of him to say this, knowing that I would do everything I could in any case not to leave them without cover as I’m an extremely reliable and conscientious person with no track record of taking the piss in any way? Since I returned from maternity I have not had a day off or been late even once, compared to other staff who don’t have to get a child ready who often stroll in ten minutes late?

If I have a sick child and no one to look after her then what else can I do? It was their decision to not fully cover my hours when I reduced them after maternity. And I’d be taking any time out of my annual leave allowance.

Also, although it would mean asking staff from a different office to cover (same building, so twenty feet away) they are all trained in what we do in our office so they could come and cover as we have had to cover theirs in the past due to staff sickness or training or meetings or whatever else crops up.

Now on top of the stress of dealing with a poorly dd on my own all week, with no sleep, I feel stressed that people are going to be pissed off with me at work too.

I feel I should stress that it’s not the content of the message that’s upset me, as in itself it’s not unreasonable, but the fact that he’s felt it necessary to say it, knowing the circumstances and knowing that I would try to make provision anyway if possible. It just seemed designed to almost intimidate me a bit.

Please be kind even if you think I’m being unreasonable, I’ve had on average two hours of broken sleep per night all week and no respite in the day so can’t really cope with a flaming.

It's an emergency if you have no one to look after your child! Not many people would look after an ill child so it always falls on a parent. If her father can't then you are the one if you have no other family able to do it. Childcare providers do not look after ill children. Friends with kids don't generally help as they don't want an ill child infecting their kids, most other people are at work.

Work will have to accept that and they are saving money by reducing a whole staff member so don't feel bad. I am rarely ill so to avoid the whole worry about this I have just said I am ill - no one can say anything then.

I wouldn't be able to get alternative childcare if my child were to be ill as we have no family nearby (over 3 hours away is the nearest and they all work!). Our friends up here are either working or also have small children.

Luckily I have an understanding employer who no doubt would find it frustrating but would give me the unpaid leave. I wish people would be a bit more understanding. OP just look after you wee one. Work will manage.

God I think if an employee told she planned on taking leave every time her child was ill, I'd be very unhappy. Of course people can be caught short I would expect her to work out a back plan that didn't involve missing work as a given

Some people aren't understanding the meaning of "emergency". Definition: "a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action."

Unexpected. Knowing about something two days in advance is by definition NOT an emergency.

Inconvenient yes. Difficult probably. Depending on the employer, they may allow parents to take unpaid leave in these situations if their business can accommodate it. Employers, by and large, are nice people and often parents too. But they don't HAVE to because the legislation only allows for emergencies.

I think your manager IBU, especially since you say you would have looked into alternative arrangements anyway. I would have just text back saying already looking into in but may not be doable, or better yet phone him and have a proper conversation. I've had this problem in the past - my son got Croup and nursery said it would be safer if he stayed home all week (only in 3 half days, which i worked) I rang work in the morning and just said as of this time I won't be in this week but if i manage to find someone to look after him I'll give you a call. Wasn't a problem with my manager but i know other members of staff weren't happy to have to cover my shifts but then again they don't have kids so they don't understand that children are the priority over everything else. Even if someone would take your child, you should take the day off anyway - you sound like you deserve a break

It is your place to source childcare. Sorry op but you feeling a little sensitive does not make work u. Ask your mum to help out. At least make the effort or forfeit pay. Hope you get it sorted!

So you have been allowed tomorrow off to sort out alternative childcare for Friday. What is your company policy on time off for dependants?

Yes, you are. It’s not an emergency, it is giving two days notice for not turning up and your boss was quite right to suggest you sort out childcare. Like the rest of us working parents have to do.

Your child may be your priority, but it isn’t anyone else’s and really, no one cares what you do, as long as you sort something out and get to work as you are supposed to do.

As for the poster who said that her childless co workers weren’t happy for covering her shifts - I suggest you read one of the many, many threads on here about how some parents take the absolute piss and how childless people also have responsibilities.

I think this is your boss's problem. Whilst it's not ideal that you need emergency time off for dependents, it's the company's decision to only have two of you covering the role.

What would they do if Person A was on annual leave, and then Person B themselves fell sick (rather than their child)? Ask Person B to come in to the office, despite their illness? No, they'd arrange cover from elsewhere.