To ask for help?

[itnevergetseasier]

I don't really know how to begin asking but I know what I need...

I've been incredibly depressed (still am) and my home which was already hard - no money to decorate and needs a complete renovation (council flat) has got into a real state. I just can't get on top of it.

I don't invite people in as im embarrassed by it. Because of this I'm finding it really hard to book a cleaner although this week I have about £30 that I want to see if I can do something to make it better

I need to find someone non judgemental who'd help me declutter while they cleaned, and basically just help me to get back on my feet again. I did Marie Kondo a few years ago but haven't kept up with it so it's not actually massively cluttered but just feels it to me and I never have the motivation on my own

I've toyed with going to social services but my child is otherwise happy and healthy

I certainly wouldn't go to social services they won't be non judgemental.

Could your council help?

Someone I know used two women called Declutter Divas to help sort her house out and she says it was life changing. They're members of this organisation www.apdo.co.uk. You can do a search on their website for someone who covers your area.

I don't think my council could help? And no I haven't gone to social services as I realise they won't be non judgemental. I meant as in sometimes I think if I can't get on top of it I'm not fit to be a mum

I've looked just now at the website but it's £120 minimum for one near me. I just don't have it

Just need to find a compassionate non judgemental cleaner who won't think less of me for where I am mentally or potentially tell anyone the state of the place

Do the council have a 'support worker' type person who could help? I know my HA do as they helped me before. I am trying to get help from them again.

I doubt it. I'd be scared of asking really. I think my hope is just to find a cleaner who'll do 3 hours and get me started...

I live in a small flat, if I worked with someone to help keep me motivated and who'd be supportive and not alarmed if I burst into tears or tell me how disgusting it is... I think it could be sorted quite quickly

It's things like very grubby windows
Doors that need a scrub
Skirting that needs a scrub
Cobwebs on the ceilings
A balcony that needs rubbish cleared
Surfaces that need dusting and decluttering

Limescale around taps needing removing
Floors that need a good sweep and mop

In general I clean the kitchen and bathroom and toilet every few days. The basics are done, but I do mean the basics and the rest is overwhelming me

I find it overwhelming looking at the state of my house. The thing that keeps me going is to make a list and slowly chip away at it. Even if it’s only for 5 minutes. For example, the balcony full of rubbish- could you put 1 item at a time into your household waste? It’ll clear eventually that way rather than just sitting there for evermore.
Try to do tiny tiny bits at a time and you’ll suddenly realise that one space is clear without you doing too much to it.

I did clear it... then things fell down and I didn't clean it and clear it because I just get overwhelmed and give up.

I'm really asking how I go about finding a one off cleaner who would be empathetic and understand me trying to get back on my feet

Where are you? I'd be happy to help. I'm in Dorset

I have pm you op.

That's quite far... I'm in London... thank you though

Try looking in supermarkets/post offices/shops for adverts or ask if anyone knows a good cleaner. You often end up paying over the odds for one from a company as they like to tell you they have insurance etc.
Then just ask, explain that you just need a one off deep clean for about 3 hours and ask if they’re willing to do it. I’m sure they will, my friend had someone in just to clean the house before her wedding as everyone was getting ready there and she didn’t want it to be a mess!
Where about in the country are you?

I think you will struggle to help you find someone to declutter as they clean. I think you need to start the process yourself by decluttering - could you find a volunteer mentor? Or a friend to help one weekend? Or could you save up for a few months to afford the £120. Do you have any family that could give you a contribution as your christmas present-?

I could do the decluttering... having someone working around me would motivate me...

It's just finding someone supportive really who's not going to go back to colleagues saying what a lazy unfit person I am and will get that mental illness can do this to you and I'm trying

Thank you @starsong32 and @Tinselistacky I think you're both too far away sadly

That's a shame... do you have Homestart? We have it in Dorset.....run by volunteers for families who need a little help. It's a great scheme...I'm not sure whether is nationwide though. I will look x

There's something about using someone else's cleaner that scares me... they might go and tell the people I front it out to each day quite how much I'm not coping.

www.home-start.org.uk/find-your-nearest-home-start Here you go x

Yes but child is now school age and never felt able to use them.

Literally just want to find a non judgemental cleaner to do a deep one off clean and be compassionate to MH

When i was severely depressed (PND which turned into clinical depression) the housing officer from the Housing Association was amazing. We had to have monthly inspections as the place got in such a state but I never felt judged. I also got help from Homestart but they would only be able to help if child is under 5.

I also felt like I was lazy but I was ill and found doing anything other than existing totally exhausting. I'm sure you'll find someone who isn't judgemental - good luck.

Yes I totally understand. Maybe just focus on a small area at a time? Break it all down into manageable chunks. I have become quite ruthless and throw away lots of unnecessary clutter...I was keeping hold of things I never used! It's quite liberating to only have the things you need around you. Hope you get sorted 😊

Have you got a Helpfulpeeps group near you? It’s an online group where you ask for help in any area, could be dog walking or learning Spanish, in your case decluttering and offer services in return, so you’d need to think what you could offer.

Where abouts are you? Have you any good friends who could help? I'd happily help and not judge you.

Once it's done you'll feel so much better. What sort of rubbish collection do you have if you're in a flat? My sister has a rubbish chute in her block and when decluttering it was great to just tip it all down the chute and she couldn't get it back!

How old are your dc? Could they help?

It's London and I just couldn't face friends knowing. I probably would have... but can't bring myself to iyswim

OP you sound quite together and capable despite how you are feeling!

If you can make a list as you have done above, then just go now and do the first thing on the list, and then sit down with a coffe or cup of tea and admire your windows......

Tomorrow you could do the next thing on your list, don't think about it just do it, just one small thing, like you would get up and shower or make your Dc dinner....then sit and pat yourself on the back..it doesn't have to cost you anything and you could spend the £30 on something nice for you and Dc...