To think calling someone ‘a big person’ is rude?

[HuskyMcClusky]

An acquaintance mentioned she hadn’t seen me around recently, and I said I’d been out of action with a broken ankle. She replied, ‘Well, you have got very small ankles for a big person’.

I’m not fuming or devastated, or anything , but I did think it was a bit taken aback. As it happens, I have got very slim ankles and am 5’11”, but I’m also a size 10-12.

AIBU to think that ‘big’ is not very flattering and a bit rude, in a way that ‘tall’ isn’t? Particularly interested to hear what other tall women think.

Gah. I was a bit taken aback

She was rude.

I'm over 6ft tall with shoulders broader than a lot of men, I also happen to currently be a little overweight tho that hasn't always been the case. I am a big person, particularly compared to a lot of my 5ft nothing slender friends. It is just a statement of fact and doesn't bother me at all. I think in these situations your history with the person, facial expressions and tone of voice are far more important than wording. Most likely it was a comment that wasn't meant to offend.

I think it's rude too.

I commented on my own weight to a friend and she said oh song you aren't THAT fat in a really patronising voice but she was actually trying to make me feel better...I think 😂

You are not a big person. YANBU.

I think it is

My grandma calls me 'big (name)'

I am only 1.5 st overweight and v short.

Wish people wouldn't comment at all tbh

Does she just mean tall? I use big for tall.

You know, like 'Big Suze'

It's always rude to comment on another person's appearance UNLESS it's a compliment but even that isn't clear-cut.

I once said "Gosh you've lost weight haven't you?" to a casual type friend and she looked at me like I'd slapped her!

She bloody HAD and she'd been overweight....but I thought about it afterwards and it is a very personal thing.

Better not to mention size or weight at all.

Stick to "Nice top!" etc.

yes it is rude...
at least she didnt put her arms out to the side and make a 'huge' noise in the back of her throat.. yes I have had that done, and seen it done about a friend of mine...

Does she just mean tall? I use big for tall.

Probably. But why not just use ‘tall’ then?

‘Big’ implies that you appear large all over. Like, wide as well as tall.

I think it’s because big is often used as a synonym for overweight/obese. We use it for children as they grow eg “when did you get so big?” Meaning both grown up and/or tall. I think you know what she meant and in this context, I don’t think it was rude but less flattering than tall.

Come to think of it, I don’t think of ‘tall’ as being flattering. More just neutral.

Big really isn't a nice adjective to use when describing a person. Does sound like a flippant, not thought through comment rather than intentionally offensive though.

When I was 7 months pregnant with my first fil used to call me a "big woman", ie, you'll have no problems giving birth because you're a big woman

My PILs have two relatives, both called Jean. One is 5'11, muscly with size 9 feet, the other is as small as me! They've always called them "big Jean" and "Little Jean". Have to admit it makes me cringe- especially as my DC have picked up the habit.

Couldn't get worked up about it. What would you do if you have to describe one of two people who look similar save that one is big and one small? Would your brain fail to function?
Sometimes it's relevant to the discussion.
If you think you're not big, and therein lies the rudeness, perhaps get a second opinion. Make sure that you ask someone who'll give you an honest opinion. What's your BMI?
Mentioning someone's "big" completely out of context is also rude.

What would you do if you have to describe one of two people who look similar save that one is big and one small?

I’m sure I could find some other point of differentiation than ‘big and small’. It’s not difficult.

If you think you're not big...perhaps get a second opinion.

I’m not overweight, if that’s what you mean. That’s a fact, not a matter of opinion. I am tall.

I got described as "the big girl at the back" by a client when I was a letting agent. It upset me a lot - but it inspired me to lose 3 stone. Clearly that's not the case with you and it was just a silly/thoughtless word to use but yes I can see why you didn't like it.

I feel that she probably meant tall, you are 5’11 after all.
Sometimes people use the wrong word to the one they meant to use, and that could very well be what this person did.

Honestly I think you’re reading too much into this and getting offended over nothing.

I’m 5’ and often get referred to as little or small rather than short, but it really doesn’t bother me as I don’t know why it’s offensive to have someone describe me in a factual way.

Rightly or wrongly, I don’t think that being ‘little’ or ‘small’ carries the same stigma (for women) as being ‘big’.

Just like I think most men would prefer to be called a big man than a little man.

I totally agree with you OP. I'm 5'10 and a size 12/14 - so definitely not slim, but just inside of the healthy weight range. I don't mind being called 'tall' but 'big' or 'large' is really not very nice - and no one would call a 5'2 size 14 woman large even though obviously she'd be very overweight compared to me! It's just a really unflattering way to describe a taller woman. I have always wished that I was little and delicate, though - I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it because it fits very poorly with my feminist principles, but it was always made quite clear to me growing up (not at home but at school etc) that I was a bit oversized and that 'proper women' are petite little things whom men want to protect and whom they can easily pick up...

As someone who’s 5”11 and not at all slim I’m really sensitive to being called big. Fat is fine, I just really hate big. Makes me feel like a huge stomping ogre. Agree with poster above who said it doesn’t fit in with feminist principles as I feel exactly the same, but I’ve had comments about it my whole life! “Big” is rude, in my opinion. Am mostly ok about it these days but spent a lot of my teens desperately wishing I could morph into a tiny delicate girl!

She was rude. “Tall” would have been less rude.

She was very rude. At 10-12 you are far from big. If she meant tall she should have said it.

If it makes you feel better I once got told by a friend I had thick ankles for my size!!! I'm a size 8 and she's a size 18 with ankles three times the width of mine.

Some people are just bitches.

I was at the hospital visiting a friend last week. A young girl - approx. 18ish - came into the ward to visit her mum. She was quite tall. I'd say around 5'9" (ish) and a little overweight but certainly not obese. As she entered one of the patients exclaimed "OMG Look at that big lump!"

Everyone in the ward just turned to look at her (The person who said it. Not the girl) open mouthed! What on Earth makes someone say something so nasty?? That poor girl...