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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried how I will manage to work until I am 67?

705 replies

brasty · 28/11/2017 11:55

I am in my mid fifties. I already get more tired than I used to when younger. I wonder how I am going to manage to work full time until I am 67 years old. And continue to do my share of cooking, cleaning, family stuff and actually having some fun.

OP posts:
Behappylalala · 29/11/2017 00:16

And cherryzee
You are jumping to conclusions.
I never said that I feel lucky or better organised than others or that I even have a better life than others... I just said that I try not to let my thoughts turn to catastrophe and try to do what's in my control, I.e. Keep my thoughts in check!

CherryZee · 29/11/2017 00:23

Possibly Beachy Head for me. A.K.A. Undignitas

Oh dear, not for me. Can't stand heights.

An overdose of Prosecco is the only way out for me.
Not sure yet how much it's going to take. Still taking tentative
experimental doses.

Itsonkyme · 29/11/2017 00:24

HidingBehindTheWallpaper
I'm guessing you aren't digging holes in the road, unloading lorries etc.

Well no I'm not! As I'm a 70 year old woman, I don't think that sort of work would suit me.

Itsonkyme · 29/11/2017 00:28

Oh! Just leave them to it BeHappylalala, if they want to talk about killing themselves and they enjoy it. Who gives a shit!

ConfusedLivingDoll · 29/11/2017 00:28

I suppose I attracted my CPTSD, eating disorders etc. into my life. I have also attracted DS who is terribly anxious, sad and on the waiting list for CAMHS to be assessed for ASD amongst other things. I dread the day he will finally refuse to go to school the last time and I will be forced to quit my job to home school him. What will happen to us then? The more I try not to think about it, and other worries, the more I do ("Don't think about the pink polar bear! Now, what are you thinking about? -the pink polar bear!). I have also attracted lots of good stuff into my life, without ever thinking about it. What we learn from this is that the cosmos doesn't listen. It gives fuck all about me or you. Also, repeating positive affirmations actually makes you feel worse. Fact. What we can do is try make our lives the best we can, but denying the unfairness and misery seems dishonest and invalidating to individuals and to society. There needs to be change, so we don't need to live precariously and in fear for ourselves and our nearest.

Morphene · 29/11/2017 00:32

brasty the first rule of privilege is that you don't notice you have it.

People think, but I WORKED for that...I made good CHOICES. They have no idea of the literally billions of people around the planet working far harder for infinitely less with no equivalent choices in sight.

BTW I've made simply FABULOUS choices in my life...I chose to be born into a white middle class family full of stem degrees in a developed country. I further chose a genetic make up that (while also gifting me some not so brilliant health issues) gave me the kind of academic advantage that got me straight A*s without doing ANY work, followed by a string of oxbridge degrees (that did require some work, but not perhaps a fantastic amount). I then chose to accidentally throw myself in the path of someone who whole heartedly supported my career. That support eventually landed me where I am now with a USS pension that apparently while looking like complete shit on the surface may actually be one of the better deals currently going.

I think my really epic brilliant choice though, was to marry young to a man whose father died unexpectedly a few years later, leaving us the proceeds of a crazily successful stock market operation that he had been running on the quiet without telling anyone in his family. Of course this was also a massive set back as it triggered a serious mental health problem in my DH that we have struggled with ever since..but at the end of the day it turns out its rather easier to cope with these setbacks when you own your house outright!

So hooray for brilliant choices and why or why doesn't everyone just do what I did?

ps. The only part of that ridiculous tale of dumb luck and privilege that I feel in any way reflects well on me or mine is that we did collectively use around half the proceeds from the stock exchange caper to fund charity work in the kinds of places where kids are making a living picking through rubbish dumps, and hoping not to get raped while they are at at. It won't have made much of a difference, and probably we should have sent the lot....so that doesn't really help the case much.

ConfusedLivingDoll · 29/11/2017 00:33

Suicide is a perfectly valid and potentially painless way of ending your life. There's nothing miserable about it, if it's the person's best choice. We all die one day. Some might choose to go sooner than others due to circumstances. It's nothing to sneer about.

Behappylalala · 29/11/2017 00:35

Not denying unfairness or bad things in the world... they exist.
The trick is how not to let them affect your thinking so much that you stop enjoying the very little good things we all have in life?
And as I say above .. even rich and young and healthy people commit suicide!
we can't control everything we think as some will be spontaneous based on external factors that happen to us ..but least we can be aware of our thinking affects us and try to control the negativity as much as we can so that we can have a but of respite from our own thoughts!

Itsonkyme · 29/11/2017 00:36

Oh! Do one!

CherryZee · 29/11/2017 00:36

people who give birth to other people with life long illnesses, who then become carers, child reaches 18 years old and said carer gets a kick in the bottom, no cv and still has caring duties towards their child

That's me in a nutshell.

Itsonkyme · 29/11/2017 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Behappylalala · 29/11/2017 00:39

Phew thank you itsonkyme.
Wine

Itsonkyme · 29/11/2017 00:40

It's very sad CherryZee but I suppose it's the luck of the draw, so to speak.
Nothing in life is guaranteed, we just have to make the best of it.

ConfusedLivingDoll · 29/11/2017 00:42

I think you mean well behappy, but I think we all try to go on as positive as we can, anyway. Nobody sets out to be miserable. Only, poverty is associated with worse mental health. It's a vicious cycle. I bet most people, like me, are using this thread to vent and in real life are not as miserable as we sound, but we do have worries about our futures and seeing the inequality in the world today makes quite a lot of us angry. Even if money can't buy you everything, it can make your life comfortable until the end, and you know that your children will have enough to be comfortable and safe too.

Itsonkyme · 29/11/2017 00:42

Your welcome BeHappy.. Wine
Let's raise a glass to having glasses half full.

Morphene · 29/11/2017 00:43

confused indeed, the cosmos is uncaring and cold and random. It isn't listening...

You are correct that you can't control your thoughts...only your behavioural response to them are under your control and thats like saying all you need to do to lose weight is eat less calories than you burn.

Its always struck me as odd that people generally accept intelligence is something you should be grateful for, but other mental attributes like tenacity, kindness, empathy, positivity of thinking are things you get to claim credit for.

I'm pretty sure if you actually looked into the science behind it you would find its far far easier to improve your IQ than your mental positivity the later of which is actually very strongly dependent on your genetics and on your childhood experiences. You can modify it slowly, up to a point over extended periods of time, usually by changing your behavioural habits, but its far easier to learn some new stuff and improve your intelligence!

ConfusedLivingDoll · 29/11/2017 00:44

Itsonkyme: Confused

Wow. Your opinion differs with mine, but there's no need to be rude, is there?

Morphene · 29/11/2017 00:45

Yeah lets raise a glass to all those privileged to have been gifted the kind of life and brain combination that allows them to indulge in optimism! Wine

go you guys! You have it great!

Morphene · 29/11/2017 00:47

I'd also like to life a glass to white privilege...its also awesome! I mean here we are worrying like ninnies about dying in poverty when we haven't had to live our whole lives in it! Wine

cheers y'all...we've done just great!

Itsonkyme · 29/11/2017 00:48

I must apologise!
I don't suffer fools gladly.
And sometimes it makes me impatient/rude.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 29/11/2017 00:48

I'm 53, alone and utterly terrified. Due to illness, redundancies and relationship breakdown, I have lost everything. I'm now studying and working nights trying to improve my situation but I'm so exhausted by the end of the day that I come home and cry. I totally get why people are talking about euthanasia and drugs.

Morphene · 29/11/2017 00:49

I'm feeling better already!

Morphene · 29/11/2017 00:51

really sorry to hear that aber please do seek some professional help, it isn't okay or normal to be crying every day. would you be able to get any sick leave?

Morphene · 29/11/2017 00:51

gnh ager sorry.

ConfusedLivingDoll · 29/11/2017 00:52

Nice dig in there, itsonkyme! Wink

Cheers! Brew I'll have a cuppa, as can't stomach wine even if I could afford a decent bottle! My birthday Spar champagne from a month ago is still in the fridge, as I get nauseous and a bit drunk on half a glass of it. I'm a cheap date!