Men appreciating little house on the prairie women

[munkynutts]

So my mum (a working woman and bit of a rock n roll character) used to have this massive bug bear about my aunt - my dad's SIL.

She was everything my mum was and wasnt:
She didnt work and spent her time arranging flowers and baking bread
A very warm kind of maternal woman
A strong sense of family, her life revolved around family
Very kind of prim and beautifully mannered

She was a very nice woman. So is my mum, but very different.

So anyway, my mum and her got on really well, but it used to infuriate my mum that my dad found so much to appreciate about his SIL that was seemingly so opposite to her.

I kind of thought "okay mum, just chill" until I noticed MY BF doing the same.

He has this one friend whose wife is so sweet, she's a nursery teacher and just loves her job, caring for small children and doing fingerpainting and decorating her home with charmingly rustic stuff shes made. Exactly like my mum, I cant help but think - alright then, why didnt you just shack up with a woman who does fabulous things with conkers and makes her own jams then, if you're all that into it?

Dear MNers, dont freak out: I think both my mum and I get it. Our men are with us for a reason: because they appreciate our divey, slatternly, uncouth ways and spiky charms. We get it - it doesnt mean thats what they actually want.

But I'd be curious to hear if any of you have also found this with your DPs?

Do we not do it too, though? DH is big and tough and does a very physical job. I am used to a man who smells of oil, dirt and sweat. He swears quite a lot too, and I love him to bits. Still find him sexy after many years together. It is comforting that he can (and does) fix anything.

But occasionally....just now and then....I wonder what it might have been like to have married, say, a Chartered Accountant. Or a solicitor.
A man who smelled of aftershave and wore a suit and tie. And went off to work with a briefcase.

I suspect I'm happier with DH however.

Humphrey I might have read that on Buzzfeed or somewhere factual like that, so don't let it destroy your childhood!

angieloumc have you read the books? They say much worse than that! I considered writing Native American, but it seemed so out of context - the books say Indian and they represent an extremely white-centric, imperialist, openly racist mindset.

I should have added a disclaimer to my post.

I think a lot of impractical men feel threatened by the thought of their wife preferring the rough hewn type who can wrestle grizzly bears, put up shelves...

Pa was not an alcoholic.
He was in debt though and the family had to flee in the dark one night leaving unpaid bills behind.
But not a bad man.

I have sometimes thought that were I forced to live Ma's life, I might have turned to drink MaryLennoxScowl

I'd love to live with a domestic goddess. In reality we're both more like the OP, I'm much less inclined to do chores than DH, so I bet he'd like me to be a domestic goddess too, but too bad!

(I just remembered that I learned the word chores from Laura Ingalls Wilder!)

@BlessYourCottonSocks
Mine is the same.

I also sometimes fantasise about a gorgeous man in a white shirt and brogues telling me we're going to Paris.

I think the Dad in the Waltons was an alcoholic in the books and a bit of a womaniser. Certainly not like the TV show...

I just asked DH if I am "lovely".

He said "Er well you're a bit ratty aren't you? But you're quite nice really I suppose."

Too true Humphrey!

Everyone is so right about the dangers of pioneer men - I read one of them fairly recently and was shocked to find a scene in which they are staying with Laura's cousins near a pioneer camp and the girls are forbidden to go near the men for fear of what rough men might do, and Laura's 14-year-old cousin is married off to one of the men, who is much, much older than her. As a child all I noticed about that scene was that they rode wild mustang ponies.

Men often compare until something happens to make the woman they’re comparing you to, does something wrong. For example my dh would constantly compare me to perfect housewife types, until he got into a conversation with a husband of one over how stressful it was to be the sole earner in a family where the wife is effectively ‘one of the kids’.

I can honestly say that, although at the moment my husband is the sole earner, he does not consider me 'one of the kids'

mary yep the books are full of dark stuff which sailed straight over my head as a child. i recently read Farmer Boy to DS where it talks about the bigger lads every year smashing up the school and beating up the teacher, in one case killing him.

i was never very keen on Pa, though.

Sarahjconnor I agree. DHs mum walked out when he was 12 and left him with his dad who is a bully and a narcissist. He loves my mum to bits because she's a "proper mum" in his words. She cooks homemade meals, makes sure he has leftovers to take to work, bakes, buys things he likes because she's thoughtful and likes to hear about what he's up to. I think the attraction is the nurturing mother figure he didn't have growing up.

A friend of ours , male and married, thinks I am like that. DH’s take on it this weekend was ‘He’s got no idea. He doesn’t see how much gin you knock back, how much you boss me around, swear and never iron my shirts. He just fancies you. I mean so do I but I know what you’re really like. I‘m not delusional about you.’

Thanks DH.

Casual racism towards first nation people is not acceptable.
The raped, murdered, starved and dispossessed first nation wonen and children had far more to fear from the pioneer invaders.

For example, Inkpaduta, a feared renegade Sioux, had to watch his family be murdered, women and children too, bodies displayed and defiled by the invading white soldiers. When he asked the invaders for justice for his murdered brother, their response was to slaughter his tribe. A perfunctory trial for the white murderer held, and he was convicted and set free.
Seeing his tribe and close families murdered and heads displayed on poles might just have turned him into the war path.
And who rescued the white women he then abducted....a great Sioux called John Otherday.

Still today being a first nation woman is a very dangerous thing, mostly from outside their communities.

FFS, the woman the OP's BF fancies is a nursery teacher. She isn't a kept woman.

All this bashing SAHMs on here is bit nasty. If their DH's are resentful, that's their own fault- they need to grow a pair and sort it out with their wives rather than bitching behind their backs if they aren't happy with their arrangement.

An ex of mine had a good friend who was the perfect, baking, homemaking, crafting, small-child-loving paragon of trad femme ideals. And he also went a bit misty-eyed about her and would never hear a word said against her (had anyone been rash enough to try).

I think for him it was more about how nice it would be to have had her as a mummy rather than a girlfriend, though. There wasn't anything romantic or sexual in his adoration, I don't think. Not saying that she couldn't have been a minx in the sack, or that there is something inherently sexless about her as a person, but just that how he saw her was all about her motherliness and how nice it would have been to grow up with that.

It comes down to the fact that some women are a Scarlett and some are a Melanie (or Marilyn and Jackie if you will) - I’m a Scarlett - I’ll never be the little wife at home, and thankfully my DH seems happy with that!

I think everyone is curious about the life they might have lived, had they met somone other than their spouse or tskrn a different career path. When you meet someone who is so obviously different to your partner, I guess it brings up the thought 'what if'.

I must admit that I am annoyed by women who bring out super protective instincts on men and I can't quite put my finger on why. It might be jealousy but maybe the sense that we haven't evolved all that much and instincts override what we choose. I don't know.

Anyway, I can think of two women who were deemed to be universally lovely and when push came to shove, they both had a core of steel and did exactly what they wanted to do, no more and no less. So perhaps not so universally lovely after all.

Your friend is a teacher so she isn’t just a “homemaker” she works.

Not wishing to blow my own trumpet, but I used to teach and people said I was like Miss Honey from Matilda.

Some people may think I’m lovely and some people will say I’m ridiculous. I really don’t care.

Hmm. I am a sahm but I am also a Scarlett. Being a sahm does not automatically = nice and sweet/enjoys home making stuff!

Do you think it comes back to the basics of pure primal instinct?

They say men are attracted to curvy women because they have "child bearing hips" (mans need to procreate etc) so it stands to reason men would have the same sort of primal attraction to a woman who seems like she would cater to the most basic needs of his offspring IYSWIM??

The two women I have known who were most like this both work full-time, they are just super-organized and love to bake/do crafts/are very thoughtful about what other people like and need. I don't think it's a gender thing, I love spending time with them as well, being mothered and eating delicious home-baked cakes is surely a nice thing for everyone?