Regarding amount of time spent 'playing' with DD

[snackarella]

So my sister and I were talking today about how much time we actually spend on the floor playing with the dc.
When you're at home what % of time do you spend actually down on the floor playing a game or activity?
Without doing a chore or on phone or anything else....

No idea in terms of percentage but with 9yo

Few times a week 20 mins reading together
Lots of chats when home from school
Breakfast together chatting every weekday
Once a week 1-2 hours on a shared project
Prob less than once a week play board/card/computer game together for up to an hour or so.
Some weeks will spend time doing a craft or science set or drawing together

When my kids were Pre schoolers my neighbour and I would spend hours building Thomas Train Tracks on the living room floor. We loved it ! Boys would wander in and out and join in if they felt like it!

Very little actual playing, they are pretty self sufficient. If I ever do join in, I'm told I'm doing it wrong anyway!

We do baking, crafts or board games though.

About 1%, less if I can get away with it

I have a 1yo who I obviously take out to groups and parks and cuddle watching tv etc etc but floor play stuff he’s very good at on his own.

4yo is at school now thank goodness. He probably would enjoy doing some of that floor play stuff with us but his attention span is short, and he is so,literal minded it’s not hours of whimsical fun but ten minutes until he’s ready to move onto the next thing.

We all do better going out, or doing 'chores, together, or dancing.

All fucking day. I have an almost 2 year old and if I try and do anything but sit and play with her or walk around the place holding her hand I get "Mummy down. Mummy. Down. Mummy! Down! MUMMY DOWN!!!" I'm almost 38 weeks pregnant. Hopefully she'll get a taste of her own medicine with the new one.

My 4 year old isn’t really into toys (dolls etc) but loves crafts/games/puzzles so I spend time doing that.
My 2 year old isn’t interested in playing with me, she’d much rather play with her big sister!

I try to play on the floor a bit with DD but at 11mo she isn't overly interested and is usually happy with me just laying on the floor and using me as a climbing frame.

She also seems happy with the interaction of emptying the bottom drawer in the kitchen (full of paperwork) and me replacing everything then the cycle starts again.

Although yesterday she did play with a pocket address book for 40mins in front of our bin which is silver so like a mirror. I don't really know why I bother buying toys if I'm honest.

I do very little playing. I'm not a kid. You want Iggle Piggle tucked up in bed in the dolls house- you do it yourself. I'm not playing your game for you.

I might feel differently if DD3 wasn't such an angry Fascist dictator, and is actually pleasant to play with. But she isn't, so I don't.

I don't think you have to be down on the floor with them all the time. Otoh being on the phone whilst supposedly interacting with them is pretty poor manners and not something you should want to be modelling.

I could do more. But my almost 2yr old plays nicely on her own - giving her toys tea etc. We’re currently in throws of packing to move house so I set her up at the table with a large sheet of packing paper and crayons (makes great drawing paper) and I crack on with boxing stuff up. Does that count?!

I don’t spend any time on the actual floor though.... we tend to do crafts/puzzles/drawing etc at the table! I don’t really get the ‘getting down on the floor’ thing that people talk about... why is it better if you play on the floor?!

I agree you don't have to sit on the floor if you don't want to. When dd was little I enjoyed playing with her and doing crafts and things but I mostly sat on a chair or something.

It sounds as though people are defining "play" differently too - doing endless laps of the downstairs/ garden holding the hands of a child desperately trying to walk all the time is interacting and being 100% dedicated in that time slot, but it isn't "playing". IMO anyway. Neither are "activities" like going for walks and picking up interesting pebbles, or having a toddler "help" with baking or sorting the clean laundry. Those things are in addition to floor play and very different.

I absolutely agree there is no need to do floor play unless the child actually wants you to or seems unable to play by themselves. It's enough to facilitate floor play by providing space and a choice of things to play with, and maybe getting a baby started by showing them an item and what it does. Kids need to explore and imagine for themselves though - so I'm baffled by parents pushing reluctant children to let them play too!

Schwan have you used discovery baskets?

I used to dread DS1 uttering the words "play with me" as it would inevitably result in a tantrum from him or me or both of us! He expected me to telepathically interpret what to do to his perfectionist standards and couldn't handle my inevitable failure DS2 has just played with DS1.

I've always done a lot with them, but in a doing things, companions kind of way rather than "play".

Now they're getting older and do more imaginative role play, I might dip in and out momentarily and act along.

Space for independent play is important, and dominating, adult led play can be counterproductive.

I kind of set things up or get them going, then dip in and out (that's a good building, oh look at that dog). A good game when you're pregnant or stuck with a newborn sibling is "hunt the..." teddies, dinosaurs etc. It takes a few minutes for you to hide them and 20-30 for them to find them all while you just sit and give the odd clue.

I'm not a mum yet, but a nanny. It's a tough one to get right. In my last job I worked 9 til 6. I would be interacting with the children the whole day (even if we went to the park or whatever I would nearly always be a pirate/princess/spy/police officer/space explorer with them instead of sitting on a bench. The only times I wasn't playing was doing the washing up the parents left for me in the morning (about 15 minutes on average) having my lunch break (I allowed myself an hour to eat and have it 'go down' while I planned activities on my laptop) and when I was cooking tea (about 1/2 an hour). So in a 9 hour day I was playing solidly for over 7 hours. Actually though that wasn't very healthy, because the rare occasions I didn't play they didn't know what to do with themselves!! I think the positive interaction of playing with children every day is really important, but I also think to overdo it is a mistake - they need to know how to entertain themselves - and no I DON'T mean ipads!!

I used to play all the time with them as i assumed that's what we were supposed to do. I really enjoyed it. Switch off from messsy house and have fun. Otherwise you are doing jobs and not really interacting with them.

There are some good points made by Evelynismyspyname on page 1 of this thread, which IMO it would be good for those parents who spend hours playing with their children to consider. I don't at all mean we shouldn't be playing with our children, but please get some understanding of the points she makes and adjust your play techniques if necessary, because those things are really important if you don't want your child growing up into a selfish entitled bossy type who struggles to make friends or interact nicely!

I grew up pretty much as an only child because my siblings were a lot older than me (no pre-school, and my parent didn't play with me), and it definitely affected my ability to get on easily with others in a play situation once at school etc.

I have also observed some children whose parents' play activity consists almost solely of said parents almost totally subsuming themselves to the child's demands, and boy does that cause a problem for the child when another child comes along or a peer comes to play, etc. All just stuff to think about, on this topic.

Can anyone recommend a good book on child development/ play?

DS (nearly 13mo) likes exploring stuff but doesn't really play much, in the sense of imaginative play. He likes puzzles - working out how to open containers and bottles, use the egg beater, opening doors, taking the pram wheels off, how to play a different note on a recorder or the piano. He pretends to drink out of a cup (has done this since about 6 mo) and likes patting and talking to a few toys, but he would just as soon use the cup to put things in or examine the toys' eyes/feet. I seem to have an engineer rather than a novelist in the making...

MrsHJackman how would you recommend I do things better? I don't want DS growing up unable to relate to anyone or share/play...

I hardly play with my daughter at all. I feel bad, but I didn't like to play as a kid, really. I mostly read or colored or built with my Legos. I do read and color with her. I refuse to play Legos with her because she micromanages my building.

Schwanen - DS was like that and still is aged 9. By far his weakest area at school is creative writing but the other day DH told me he had written a series of puzzles to solve and was figuring out how to put them into Minecraft as a level for other people to play through.

But he definitely plays with others and relates to them.

My parents didn't play with me much when I was little as they were busy with work. My dad never did actually and my mum only sometimes. I was always playing on my own at home, my brothers didn't play with me. I was very good at occupying myself, but it was very lonely and it made me feel sad. My mum had no idea until I told her years later.

So I always make sure to play with dd (almost 3) on most days. I don't sit for a solid chunk of time like 3 hours, but rather I do it in smaller segments spaced throughout the day. It makes her so happy and it propels her imagination forward. Playing nurtures their intelligence and also helps develop language skills. It's a great opportunity to learn new words. But more importantly, they enjoy it, thats the real reason I do it. It boosts her mood. It's good bonding time too.

Honestly there are some days where I'm busy and tired and I don't. It can feel like a chore rather than fun. I don't want her to grow up feeling how I did though. Kids are work, and I don't think it's very fair to just leave them to it all the time, especially little ones. Nobody thrives that way. Yet at the same time they need to learn to occupy themselves. So it's about balance, as with everything in life.