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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner not invited to meal

38 replies

EffEffEss · 27/11/2017 13:46

Hi people of Mumsnet. This is more of a WWYD.

I'm part of a hobby group. One member has suggested that we get together for a pre-Christmas meal at their house. As people have responded to say yes, the host has invited their partners too. However, they didn't ask whether I'd be bringing my partner. I don't know whether it's assumed that I would be, but the host didn't check.

Would IBU or rude to message them privately and ask whether my partner is invited? The host knows all of the partners and I'm pretty sure mine has not done anything to offend. Equally it could be quite a big meal to cater for if all partners come, so I realise that they might want to limit numbers. But I'm not really keen to go if some of the partners are invited and others aren't. WWYD?

OP posts:
Skyllo30 · 27/11/2017 13:48

Just message them and ask. Also offer to bring a dish if you think they’ll be worried about numbers.

EdinaMonsoon · 27/11/2017 13:48

I would just ask politely if partners are invited. As a host, I wouldn't take offence. It is entirely reasonable to ask.

toriatoriatoria · 27/11/2017 14:09

I'd just message her and ask, getting a direct answer seems the easiest solution.

araiwa · 27/11/2017 14:11

asking the host is the best way to find out surely ?

Lozmatoz · 27/11/2017 14:18

Just ask. Are partners invited? Simple. Not an unreasonable question.

Original poster
EffEffEss · 27/11/2017 15:10

Thanks for the advice. I've asked, and had a message saying yes that would be great. But I feel as though I could equally have turned up on my own and that would have been great too, and it's sort of spoiled it for me. Anyway - had an answer now.

OP posts:
Balaboosteh · 27/11/2017 15:18

You are high maintenance. Just go, with your partner, and be happy! Really what is the problem!

RhiWrites · 27/11/2017 15:22

The host probably copied and pasted her first few responses and forgot to mention it in yours.

Don’t overthink it.

ReanimatedSGB · 27/11/2017 15:24

WTF? You asked for information and got it, why are you whining? Your hobby friends probably have more important things to think about than whether or not you have a partner at present.

SilverySurfer · 27/11/2017 16:35

I think you're over-thinking it. You asked. They said yes. What more did you want?

tinysparklyshoes · 27/11/2017 16:37

I've asked, and had a message saying yes that would be great. But I feel as though I could equally have turned up on my own and that would have been great too, and it's sort of spoiled it for me

Seriously? With that attitude you should be glad you get invited anywhere.

PaintingByNumbers · 27/11/2017 16:38

Are you determined to be offended? Why??

Butterymuffin · 27/11/2017 16:40

I'm going to ask the question. Is your partner a difficult person? If so then maybe they were doing this deliberately. If not, then just put it down to that line being missed out when the host replied to you - which is 99.9% likely what it was.

araiwa · 27/11/2017 16:41

maybe next time they will send a mariachi band round to your house to sing an invite for you and dp

would that be enough?

Trills · 27/11/2017 16:46

How has it spoiled it for you?

Did you not want to bring your partner, but now feel you must?

Mivery · 27/11/2017 17:02

I'm not going to pick on you for it, but I definitely think you're being oversensitive OP. Go to the party and have a good time.

HolyShet · 27/11/2017 17:11

But I feel as though I could equally have turned up on my own and that would have been great too, and it's sort of spoiled it for me.

You what?

This is the best kind of invitation, it's cool either way. It's not your sister's wedding or something to get the hump about.

MrsSchadenfreude · 27/11/2017 17:11

"maybe next time they will send a mariachi band round to your house to sing an invite for you and dp" - GrinGrinGrin

You do sound a piece of work, OP. It's dinner at someone's house not an invitation to the forthcoming royal wedding.

ReanimatedSGB · 27/11/2017 17:19

Actually, OP, is there something else behind this? Are you/your partner/both of you 'different' from the rest of the group (much younger, much older, different nationality or ethnic background, different social class, different religion, or something)? Sometimes being the odd one out can make you more sensitive to slights (and sometimes, in fact, you are being treated differently because of your difference).

Or is your partner a dick, and you are so desperate not to be single that you are trying to get everyone to accept him so you don't have to acknowledge what a dick he is?

ilovesooty · 27/11/2017 17:21

It's probably an error. I really think you're overthinking this.

ICanNeverThinkOfAGoodUsrname · 27/11/2017 17:24

You're probably reading more into this than you need to. Partners are invited, the host probably innocently forgot to mention to you that yours is invited. Case closed.

Original poster
EffEffEss · 27/11/2017 17:29

Ok, got it. I'm determined to be offended, high maintenance and 'a piece of work' for being a bit upset and humiliated about having to check with a friend whether the terms of my invitation are the same as everyone else's.
Reanimated - I don't think so, nothing obvious. I only came back to update pp's about the outcome to my original question. Can't change the way I feel about it but I'll go with the error/ overthinking it suggestions.

OP posts:
cheesypastatonight · 27/11/2017 17:51

Why did you think your invitation was different?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/11/2017 17:53

OP, your question was reasonable. I understand your point too.

It's batshit horrible here at the moment, just ignore those who have nothing else to do but bash you because they can. Leave them to froth and clean the oven or something... that's next on my list.

Xeneth88 · 27/11/2017 17:59

Humiliated for asking if your partner is able to come? Humiliated? Oh don't be so precious. You're being very high maintenance