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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate seating plans

35 replies

ApocalypseNowt · 27/11/2017 09:43

Had a family birthday do to go to this weekend (DH's family). DH had talked to his parents about it before and they said they weren't doing a seating plan.

We were all staying at holiday cottages for the weekend and there was a celebration meal sorted for the saturday night. When we got there IL's started excitedly telling us about the seating plan.

I hate them. I want to sit near DH so I can talk to him. There are also other people I'd really like to talk to. Instead we get seated round the table in alphabetical order. Then after the first course there was a complicated system that no-one understood involving playing cards that meant we had to get up and move around.

I just want to chose where I sit and stay there. I get seating plans when there are a big number or lots of tables but I can't stand them at an ordinary dinner party.

Is it normal to have a seating plan for a dinner party (i don't go to many to be fair)? Am I the only one that hates it and gets anxious about them?

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 27/11/2017 09:45

At a formal dinner, yes.

Visiting with family? No.

Your in-laws are weird. Although as you presumably live with DH and can speak to him most of the time, it won't hurt you to sit away from him for a couple of hours and talk to other people.

steff13 · 27/11/2017 09:46

For a formal dinner party a seating plan is typical, but couples would be seated together, not alphabetically. That's just weird.

Original poster

ApocalypseNowt · 27/11/2017 09:49

I know I can speak to DH most of the time. Sometimes I do! But because I wasn't brought up in the sort of family that had dinner parties I just feel a bit better if he's within earshot iyswim? As it was he couldn't be farther away and even though the people I did end up next to were nice I would've liked to be nearer DH.

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BarbaraofSevillle · 27/11/2017 09:50

Seating plans are normal for large formal dinners so the waiting staff know which table to take the (often pre-ordered) food to.

What your inlaws did was weird, but maybe they wanted people to get to know each other a bit more and not stick to the same little groups?

For example, you may not have had chance to chat to DHs great Aunt Edna or teenage nephew Boris before?

Original poster

ApocalypseNowt · 27/11/2017 09:53

There was 14 of us all together. I'd understand about the waiting staff but they made us move around between courses so that will have confused matters anyway!

I've just never been to a dinner where I've chosen my own seat and thought "I wish someone had told me where to sit".

I've been with DH for 16 years. I know Edna and Boris as much as I want to at this point

OP posts:

overnightangel · 27/11/2017 09:53

Oh dear God not Edna and Boris!

MrsHathaway · 27/11/2017 09:54

Normal ish. Things like making sure the host is nearest the kitchen, children are next to a parent, and granny who isn't very mobile doesn't have to squeeze round to the less accessible places.

Alphabetical order is bizarre.

Swapping between courses is quite good at massive formal dinners but should be uncomplicated: eg every third person moves one empty place to his/her left, or every person with a red sticker on their place card.

steff13 · 27/11/2017 09:55

That doesn't sound like a family dinner, it sounds like a team-building exercise for work.

Original poster

ApocalypseNowt · 27/11/2017 09:58

Ok. I can accept they are normalish. Can also see how swapping would work at a big event but this wasn't. And it was so complicated no-one understood it....and there were some very clever people not me there.

I still hate them.

Glad to see that other people think alphabetical order is daft.

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Original poster

ApocalypseNowt · 27/11/2017 09:59

That doesn't sound like a family dinner, it sounds like a team-building exercise for work.

^ Yes! This! I got the same squirmy anxious feeling I get when I think someone's going to ask me 3 interesting facts about myself!

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GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 27/11/2017 10:16

I don't have a whole 3 interesting facts about myself!

It's a bit weird, but perhaps they think everyone needs to talk to each other a bit (or not get stuck to Aunty Vi going on about her corns all evening!).

You seem like a perfectly sensible and nice person to talk to - I'd just go with it. It might even be fun...

JaniceBattersby · 27/11/2017 10:18

Absolutely ridiculous. Sounds like people trying to appear posher than they actually are.

I am from a huge family. We eat together a lot. There’s never been a seating plan. Neither have I ever been to any form of dinner or party where there has, except for weddings.

Enb76 · 27/11/2017 10:24

The dinner parties I've been to never have couples sitting together, perhaps opposite each other at a push but never together. Anything over 12 people needs a seating plan. I've occasionally been to dinner parties where the men are asked to move four seats to their left for pudding, although the hosts did not move.

brasty · 27/11/2017 10:25

I too think this is strange. When we have big family meals, everyone sits where they want, although we do take into account that FIL is not very mobile so needs to sit in seat that is easy to get to. But apart from practical considerations, a seating plan in this circumstance is strange.

Original poster

ApocalypseNowt · 27/11/2017 10:25

They are quite posh to be fair (to me anyway but I'm quite common!).

I am perfectly sensible and nice! Thank you!

I managed to avoid the Auntie Vi of the group. I was sat next to Bob. First he was on my left then my right. He is Scottish and a good laugh and he gave me some of his ciders so it wasn't a total loss. I just don't like being told where to sit!

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ScreamingValenta · 27/11/2017 10:26

Was everyone attending part of a couple, or going with their DC? If there were some single people there, it might have been done to avoid a situation where singles were sandwiched between couples/parents and their children with no one really to talk to.

Having to change seats part way through the meal would annoy me, though.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/11/2017 10:28

Perhaps Zebadee was fed up of sottong next to Boris as they always get lumped together as the two single cousins so he wanted a change up.

But yeah, I wouldn't be thrilled either. Especially with a name adjacent in letter to Boris

FadedRed · 27/11/2017 10:28

Does your FIL wear a top-hat with a price tag saying 14/6 on it?

FadedRed · 27/11/2017 10:30

Or should that be 10/6 - I forget....
Was there a March Hare, and a dormouse in the teapot?
Is our name Alice?

Original poster

ApocalypseNowt · 27/11/2017 10:38

All dc had been put to bed. Everyone was in a couple.

I did feel as though I'd fallen down the rabbit hole. I should be used to it by now I suppose!

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sizenines · 27/11/2017 10:43

After getting sat next to a lechy uncle once by PIL, at my request OH now moves the place names so we sit together, far away from 'Dirty Dick'.

Sorted.

bathghter · 27/11/2017 11:10

it's bizarre to mix people up in such a cack handed way but who cares just crack on and chat to someone you've never spent time with before

Original poster

ApocalypseNowt · 27/11/2017 11:18

I did just crack on, I promise!

Just wanted a moan really. And we do all know each other. It was a family birthday, all couples, no newbies.

I want to reassure everyone I wasn't shaking with rage or anything. I was a bit narked, which settled in to mildly miffed after a few too many drinks

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munkynutts · 27/11/2017 11:24

I actually dont think its weird, and my family have done the get up and swap thing before, even just with 10 of us around a round table - it means you can chat away in smaller groups and get a chance to hang out with more people around the dinner table.

I think its a bit lame of you to moan really. You live with your partner, why do you need him within earshot? I think its more fun to be moving around during dinner - spend an hour teasing great aunt edna then suddenly you've got another hour of parrying uncle brians attempts at flirtation

Original poster

ApocalypseNowt · 27/11/2017 11:27

I don't think I'm 'lame'. It makes me anxious. I wasn't brought up at dinner parties where I might get asked my opinion on politics. I feel better being near DH.

It's my thread and I'll moan if I want to.

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