To be so down about the school gates

[LittleYellowTree]

It's pathetic that's it's affecting me so much but I'm dreading the school runs now. I know quite a few people so thought it would ok, I'm sociable chatty but still end up on my own. Dread walking through everyone having a good chat while I'm heading home for another day with baby.
Do get out to some groups here and there and have other friends on mat leave but since eldest started reception it's been harder- didn't realise how isolating it can make you feel.

Maddiemademe OMG @ those comments. What a toxic environment. There are some mums at our school who obviously dislike me (long story, but basically I'm sure that this is because my bonkers ex spread lies about me) but I have so much going on in my life that I can't really make space to care about it, not do I want to.

That made me so sad to read about your little boy being excluded :( I'm guessing he's pretty young ... in a few years his friends will be asking their parents of he can come over to play while you're standing next to them - they will need to think fast if they want to wiggle out of that without looking super nasty

I knew no one when I started doing the school run. It was fine, not sure why people feel they have to be best friends with other parents at school really. Maybe I've been lucky with our school? Sure, some people clearly know each other and have a chat at the gates, but most people seem to arrive, wait without a big conversation with anyone, then leave as soon as their child comes out. I now say hi to people I recognise but don't go up to them to chat unless I need to ask them something specific or they come up to me. I wouldn't ever see it as a place I'd go in order to make friends. If people actively shun you because you're not part of their clique, they're not going to be fun to know or be friends with anyway, are they?

Nothing worse than an idiot ex spreading rumours. We need a reject mums clique though I am bound to be left out of that too .

I'm the mum no one talks to so I understand how you feel. I hate the school run. I feel such a fool standing on my own. We never get invited to most parties either although we invited loads to ours
Can't wait til this school year is over

I know it can feel very uncomfortable, but the reality is that other parents are very unlikely to be ignoring you on purpose. There may be factors you are unaware of. At my DC's school, a lot of the parents know each other from going to school together and the fact that their parents know and socialise with each other. I'm not from this city, so I don't have that history, but it's amazing how many people have known each other since they were children with generations for their families having attended the same school.

How you tackle it really depends on you. I don't have any interest in socialising with other parents outside the class nights out and fundraisers etc. It doesn't bother me and I'm sure it doesn't bother them. We have found a comfortable place where we smile, have fairly superficial conversations and just get on with our days.

I wouldn't read too much into it OP.

When I read these threads I always wonder whether I have just been very lucky, or completely oblivious to what really goes on at the school gates. This is because all the parents (a few Dads do the school run too) of ds’s class seem really nice. All the mums are going on a Christmas night out, and there is one Mum whose child only joined this year (year 1). None of us really know her yet, but we made sure she was invited to the night out, and she is coming.

I’m sorry maddiemadem that you have had this experience - you would have been made very welcome at our school!!

OP I hear you! I could be you (minus having friends on mat leave, or at all)

I’ve been doing the school run for four years and it hasn’t got any better. In fact just today something happened that made me realise just how excluded I am (and how in certain circumstances that’s quite embarrassing and awkward).

I’m friendly and will chat to to anyone but they all meet up for coffee and I’ve never once in four years been invited but have been present as other new parents were. My OH is marginally more accepted but still never invited along to anything. I’ve no answers but I feel your pain...

I detest the school gates. I unfortunately made friends with the wrong people in desperation to make some friends. Seriously only make friends with people that you normally would! Not the incredibly manipulative anxiety driven mess or the bullying dinner lady like I did!

Smile wave say hello and enter into polite chat only!

I now get abuse and obscenities and my children still have to deal with these people.

When I read these threads I always wonder whether I have just been very lucky, or completely oblivious to what really goes on at the school gates.

You've been extremely lucky.

Try living in the Home Counties. I've never met more weirdos concentrated in one place in all my life. I won't go into detail. But if anybody else is wondering is it me or is it them? It's them.

Why the desperation to make friends at the school gates? I'll never understand it. There are other places to find friends. Just because your DC attend the same school doesn't mean you'll have anything else in common.

willyougotobed

I live in the Home Counties and your post made me laugh!