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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend showed up to daughter's bday party uninvited

64 replies

Eva29 · 26/11/2017 22:25

I didn't invite my friend's daughter to my kid's bday party,and I knew she would find out about it cause I invited a common friend. She showed up at the playland on the day with a bunch of friends and chased me around to make me feel bad. Her daughter was wearing a party dress. I told her I had invited only schoolmates, which was true but not entirely. She pretended she was cool with it but obviously she wasn't. The reason I didn't invite her is because she excluded me from major life events last year. First she told me we were invited to her daughter's party last year and then she "forgot" to invite me. I texted her a day before " when is the party" and she replied "tomorrow". I felt awful but still took my kid to the party and gave her a present. 2 months later while I was on holidays she sent me on Facebook pictures of her wedding reception. I had no idea she was planning to get married to her boyfriend, she never mentioned it in the numerous times we chatted. She never invited me and then just sent me pictures of the party. I felt horrible and my holiday was almost ruined. Now she feels like she has the right to show up at my kid's party and try to make me feel bad. If she doesn't care, why does she bother?

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 26/11/2017 23:28

That's no friendship.
For the sake of your child, you could be more mature and measured in your actions. Try thinking about what the kind thing to do is, and put your feelings aside.

WorraLiberty · 26/11/2017 23:30

Good god there's no chance of your kids maturing past the age of 3, since neither you or your friend has managed to do it.

Are their dads more grown up?

I do hope so.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 26/11/2017 23:37

Either something is true, or it's not. You can't say 'which was true but not entirely'!

Allthewaves · 26/11/2017 23:47

You are not friends, the way you are behaving towards each other.

You did go to her child's party so that neither here nor there. Wedding thing - did u ever ask her? Or discuss it.

And yep u were very petty not inviting your friends child. Your friend can attend a play centre if she wants.

Atenco · 26/11/2017 23:47

The only thing clear to me about this friendship is that it is over

MadForlt · 26/11/2017 23:51

So you took your daughter to her daughter's party without an explicit invite (just a vague promise of one), so she thought she would do the same back?

I think you both need to move on.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 26/11/2017 23:53

What's your AIBU?

From what you've written, I'm going to say both of you, as it all sounds very tit-for-tat and oneupmanship via FB, but perhaps I've missed something?

It sounds like nothing to do with your children though.

And, as others have said, it sounds like a dead friendship.

Chicoletta · 27/11/2017 00:33

Frenemies. Life is too short.

SilverBirchTree · 27/11/2017 00:36

Yeah grow up

Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 27/11/2017 01:00

Well said Tiptop

SeaWitchly · 27/11/2017 07:34

I am so sick of all the 'you sound as bad as each other'! They do not. The friend excluded her from an event, then sent photos and said she would invite her dd then left it with no invite and when the OP chased she was told it was the next day. Both not the same as not inviting someone.

This ^

OP, I would also advise phasing her out of your life, she is no friend and life is too short to bother with people who make you feel bad.

If you feel it really matters to your daughter by all means invite 'friend's' daughter to future parties... but at 3 I would imagine it probably doesn't really matter to her and that she will change friends and alliances quickly at this age and particularly once she starts reception.

Oblomov17 · 27/11/2017 07:40

What? How old are you? Just say something. Why didn't you say something at your dd's party? Next time you see her just softly call time on the friendship.

treaclesoda · 27/11/2017 07:44

I read the OP differently to everyone else. I thought it sounded like OP hadn't been invited to 'friend's DD's birthday but then she asked when it was and turned up anyway. So then the 'friend' did the same to her?

In any case, it's clear you're not actually friends. Just move on and stop having anything to do with each other.

Caulk · 27/11/2017 07:45

Do you want to be friends with her? If you do, then meet up and talk in person.

If you don’t, then just move on.

Ski4130 · 27/11/2017 07:48

It sounds like a toxic friendship (and I use the word friendship loosely, you sound more like frienemies)

PippaSqueaks · 27/11/2017 07:52

You say she said she 'forgot' to invite you to her DD's birthday party, but why do you assume that she's lying about forgetting? She could actually have forgotten.

Also, she might not consider you very close friends and maybe you don't see each other too often so there was never a time to discuss her wedding coming up or inviting you.

Also, why do you assume she purposely turned up to the venue where your DD's party was? It could just be somewhere she goes with her friends and their DC regularly.

I think you're assuming an awful lot her.

Are you sure you're not making this 'friendship' more important than it actually is? Maybe she sees you just as an acquaintance rather than a friend?

To me, it doesn't look like she necessarily did all those things on purpose.

user789653241 · 27/11/2017 08:00

Sorry but sounds like you both sounds as bad as each other. Not inviting friend's dd to your dd's party because she didn't invite you to her event sounds very vindictive.

martellandginger · 27/11/2017 08:02

You did the right thing not inviting her. She must surely know now that the friendship is over. Doesn't sound like your daughter is bothered one way or another and we certainly don't invite friend's we play with once or twice a year as it would get to expensive. And who were these friends she showed up? she's cheeky one, i'd ditch her.

Originalfoogirl · 27/11/2017 08:05

You didn’t invite a child to your child’s birthday party because your “friend” didnt invite you to her wedding?

Yeah. Grow up.

Looneytune253 · 27/11/2017 10:07

To be fair it all sounds very very childish. If your child is good friends with her child they should have been invited regardless of your relationship with their mother BUT it does sound like you did exactly the same about her child’s party. You didn’t get an official invitation yet turned up anyway? As for the wedding, that’s a different kettle of fish. I’m guessing you’re not that kind of friend? More of an acquaintance? People only tend to invite their best friends to their wedding.

To be honest not inviting their child to your party is just nasty!!! Your child had to do without their friend at the party because of the parents being petty.

Original poster
Eva29 · 27/11/2017 17:20

Thank you everyone for your answers.To those who say I didn't invite her because i am vindictive, wrong... The friendship had cooled off after all that happened,plus I had 30 kids invited from school and was paying for all of them,couldn't afford to invite kids my daughter sees 3 times a year. About her invitation last year,i didn't show up at her house uninvited, she had told me i was invited and then "forgot" to tell me where and when, weird cause she had only 5 guests. Anyway what I really wanted to know is why a friend who has obviously shown me that we aren't close friends was so annoyed as to show up to "embarrass me"

OP posts:
Original poster
Eva29 · 27/11/2017 17:21

So basically it's a question about the friendship, not the children

OP posts:
SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 27/11/2017 17:23

So basically it's a question about the friendship, not the children

I'd say that virtually every poster on the thread has offered their opinion on your 'friendship' OP! Grin

MadForlt · 28/11/2017 09:44

If she had wanted you at the party, she would have made sure you knew when and where.

She had clearly mentioned it then changed her mind. Then you made a point of going anyway. Hence her turning up at your daughters party.

tinysparklyshoes · 28/11/2017 09:50

i didn't show up at her house uninvited, she had told me i was invited and then "forgot" to tell me where and when, weird cause she had only 5 guests

If someone doesn't tell you when and where a party is, you are NOT invited to it.