Did/does your upbringing affect your attitude to money?

[Puppymonkeybaby1]

I'm having a disagreement with DH on this.

We're comfortable, but not flush. We're not checking our bank accounts every five minutes but nor can we spend willy nilly.

I'll freely admit I'm quite bad with money. I like to buy stuff, and with DS's first Christmas coming up I have gone a bit over the top. DH mentioned today that we need to reign it in a bit which sparked a longer chat (we were in the car, stuck in traffic).

I explained that I thought it was down to growing up with very little, I make up for it now and get a bit spendy. DH grew up with money, and is in fact a lot more careful than me. He argued that if I grew up with very little, surely I'd be more inclined to be careful now in case I end up spending too much/get into debt/have to go without.

So did or does your upbringing have an effect your approach to money now?

I'm with you OP. And people who always had money don't understand it, but... if you are down to your last tenner, if you saved that tenner you would never be wealthy. So why not spend it on something nice instead? At least it brings you some happiness, as opposed to, what, maybe 100 tenners over the years? What good would that do?

Oh yes but as pp said it comes out in odd/hard to anticipate ways.

Grew up as only child in comfortable home. I now get a kick out of budgeting, use supermarket shampoo etc.

DH grew up in the Soviet Union. Remembers queuing for bread, waiting months for a book, everything being fixed to point of death. Now earning very well and aspires to live in Marylebone so there are more high end bakeries etc nearby. Will happily pay £3 for some Gail’s sourdough nonsense while I think 75p cheese rolls from Tesco are the way to go.

(It’s not limited to bread, but as an exemplar.)

It definitely has influenced me. Child of late 50s early 60s working class dad in an office, mum at home. Just the essentials, no treats except birthday and Christmas and as a teenager a vague feeling that my friends were better off and had more. A Friday evening treat when I was growing up was a mars bar cut into 4 for us all to share!
I had no money during my first ( emotionally and financially abusive) marriage and really struggled to give my children the essentials.
Fast forward to now, I’m retired after nearly 40years of teaching, inherited a bit from late parents, paid off my mortgage. But old habits die hard and I still feel a need to watch what I spend and have a back up plan.
My adult children have successful well paid careers and seem to be able to buy whatever they want as soon as they need it.
So yes, upbringing shaped my attitude to money, my children however seem to think we always had enough, maybe I hid things better from them. Unlike my mother who continually told me that we didn’t have money to waste.

I see where ICanNeverThink is coming from- when you knew growing up that your parents had the money but were tight with it on principle (my father constantly went on about "teaching the value of money") you know its all a bit fake and just resent being kept short. This is especially true as you get a bit older and notice that your parents haemorrhage money on really odd things - like keeping the heating on 24 hours a day 9 months of the year and the garden door open 18 hours a day for the dog to come and go... (That specific bit of ridiculousness may just be my parents Being kept on a tighter budget than your friends when your friends parents earn less just teaches you that your parents are trying, awkwardly, to teach you something which appears to be pretend :o

Yes, my parents just about scraped by every month, they had a significant amount of debt which they constantly argued about. We never went without we did sports and activities and had clothes and were fed well but it was always a struggle to make ends meet.
I’m now really careful with money, I don’t like to use credit where I can avoid it, I’ll save up to buy something and encourage my siblings to do the same. I live well within my means and have vowed to try my best not to be in the same position my parents were in.

Yes.

My parents lived just a bit above their means. I remember my mother being too scared to open bank statements, crying because we had no money. They had to borrow five-figure sums from relatives several times (the last time, they were in their early 50s). We never lacked anything but it was very stressful.

I chose a low-paid, but safe job. I have never been in the red at the bank and I have never used credit except for the mortgage.

Indisputably, in my view.

I grew up in a very comfortable household. Apart from having nice material things, I always knew deep down that if things got really bad, my parents would be able to bail me out. It's like having a financial safety net. And friends with parents who were much richer than mine were even worse at spending!

However the impact is different on different people. My parents both grew up in post war households where money was v tight - however much my parents had, my DM still economised on stuff like own branding, bought most of her clothes at m&s, loved a BOGOF, that sort of thing. They never ever took money for granted. DF is in his mid 70's and still works bloody hard (DM died many years ago now).

Whereas my siblings and I - one of us is ok with money; one has no idea about budgeting; and one is an accountant and CFO and was superb at saving and budgeting even as a small child!

My mum is very frugal but bought quality when she could and im the same now. She always saved for holidays and days out and the poorest we ever were as children was ironically when she got married as my stepdad was bad with money. Yet when she was a single mum we always had essentials and sometimes more as she worked hard and was good with the little money that she had.

She has now gone from being frugal to tight, which i try to watch in myself. So I dont deny my kids everything, but ive taught them budgeting and saving and that its okay to spend on what you like, as long as you have saved and as long as you find the best price available.

If i do spend, ie for a holiday i make sure it gets put back and i have started dividing the savings up into many pots like holidays, car, renovation and moving fund.

I already set aside the yearly expenses like insurance, car tax etc in a monthly amount that comes out of my monthly budget and gets saved up till the yearly expense comes back round again.

My mum taught me loads and im very grateful to her, in my twenties i used store cards and credit cards but always paid it off. I then didnt have any cards for ten years until a few months ago, when i got a 28 month interest free one as moving and wanted to have as much savings as possible and also wanted to increase my credit score to go back to work and qualify for a larger mortgage.

Upbringing does shape us but in some cases poverty and having less can make you a spendthrift or a frugal person, the same as being bought up with loads of money can make you a spendthrift or a frugal person.

In other words its down to upbringing and personality, you can have two children bought up the same who have totally different attitudes to money.

My parents had a comfortable income, but only spent it on themselves.
We, as children only had the basics that would show them as good parents to the world; Clarke’s shoes, school uniform, one set of good clothes for going out.
We lived in a rented flat ( albeit in a good part of West London) they didn’t buy because they’d have to spend on the upkeep. We only ever went on holiday to stay with relatives. Never anywhere just as a family.
They divorced and continued their hedonistic lifestyle.
I have always been a worker and saver, with my own bank account. Fortunately DH is also good with money, as are our adult DCs.

I think behaviour breeds behaviour generally. I would say I am good with money (bordering on stingy at times) but dh thinks I am spendthrift. He is the type that has one pair of shoes until there is a sizeable hole in them, wants socks darned and could easily live on a fiver per week. He grew up in a developing country in a large family and his DM was widowed at an early age. For him buying something that you don't actually need is terribly wasteful.

I have friends that have good salaries but are constantly crying poverty. They spend money like there is no tomorrow, don't enjoy the things because "they are broke". I can see that their older dc are turning out exactly the same.

My parents spend money like it's going out of fashion. They could have saved a lot due to high incomes but didn't do face a crappy retirement.

The only debt I have is the mortgage. I don't have lots of savings or a hefty pension but once the kids have left home I intend to ramp that up.

Yes. My parents are terrible with money. Always living in their overdraft and put everything on the littlewoods catalogue back in the days when that was a thing! They never had any savings. And still don’t. I’m the complete opposite. We don’t have much money either, but we put money into savings and don’t use credit cards. We only got one to pay for a holiday recently but on the basis that we already had the money saved up, so paid it off in full the following month. I hate debt. Interestingly, my mum grew up with a dad that earned a really good wage but kept it all in savings. She grew up with homemade clothes and hand me downs. So she’s very spendy because she feels she missed out. I just remember my mum worrying so much about debt that it’s made me very careful.

My father was a skinflint and spent as little as possible.

My mum is very careful with money but it seems to be like elastic in her hands, even though she doesn't have much, she seems to make it stretch.

I have always been quite careful with money and have done my best to avoid debt unless it was for a good reason like a mortgage, or when my parents split up I borrowed some money to help my mum buy her house on her own. I paid it off as soon as I could (and this was in the days when the "rule of 78" meant that you were penalised for paying a loan off early - seems ludicrous now). But I've only ever bought a car outright. I had a small amount of student debt (about £500) but paid it off within a year or so of starting work. And when I started my first proper job after university I borrowed £1000 so I had something to live on for the first month, and then paid back over the first two years of working. But I've always avoided debt as much as possible.

I don't have a mortgage now and a lot saved.

I don't think it's so much my upbringing as my adult experiences. I've always thought it's crazy to build up massive debts on credit cards when you've no way of paying them off, and having been made redundant more than once (and dh has been made redundant once, too), I know that jobs are not for life and you are only a redundancy away from financial problems. At least if you have no debt and a savings cushion you have time to find another job.

And while I considered private education for ds I also decided against because I didn't want to have to uproot him if I lost my job.

DS gets a monthly allowance but it goes into a bank account and he never spends it. He asks for "bigger" things for birthday and Christmas, and will wait - and occasionally says "can you get me x" if I am going out and x is often something that costs £1.50. So he never spends anything! I hope he doesn't end up as skinflinty as his grandfather was.

I do think you need to enjoy life a bit though. All this saving for retirement/care home fees. What if you don't live that long? I do have a pension, but I save a lot elsewhere for holidays etc. I think there's a balance to be found.

Insanely frugal parents on my side. Spendy spend credit card types on my fiances. I like to think we meet in the middle nicely.

My parents have just bought a second home outright despite frantic self-conscious assertions that they 'aren't rich'. And they certainly don't live rich. The kitchen in their lovely first home is twenty years old, and they only replaced the necessary because my brother started a pan fire in there. Now the work tops don't even match because they only needed to replace one. My dad will use teabags a few times, whereas his parents chuck away lots of food a week.

His parents on the other hand both have fairly new lease cars, £100/roll wallpaper, a £20k kitchen (the 3rd new kitchen they've had in the 10 years I've been with him).

Both sets of parents, on the limited information they have, think the others spendy.

We spend money on holidays, and are careful with regular spending on food etc. We both save a lot, and we never fail to pay off credit cards every month. We chose a lovely house, and will have a moderate wedding. If the economy doesn't go entirely to pot, we'll probably be able to retire earlyish.

Glad we've found a happy middle of the extremes of our parents.

My DPs were pretty strange with money. Some would say frugal but at times they were downright mean - they could afford to do things but didn't because it was 'extravagant'! The typical driving around to find somewhere free to park, but then missing half the pantomime, or not wanting to spend more initially even though something would last. It made no sense! I remember very clearly being at university and my then boyfriend going shopping and paying full price for clothes. That would never have happened in our house! Again, the money was there but we always had to be on the look out for discounts and sales and compromise on what we wanted to get a cheaper option or better deal, even if that was to the detriment of what we'd set out to buy.

Whatever happened to enjoying life? I grew up in a three bed semi, two family cars, both worked (him in a bank, her as a teacher) and we had a couple of holidays abroad each year (late 80s/90s) but with DM especially, money wasn't spoken about, we couldn't ask how much they earned, even withdrawing money from the building society (over the counter, no trust for cash machines) was done in a grave, serious voice reserved especially for the occasion. So weird!

Roll on a fair few years, DPs got divorced. DF died shortly after retiring, leaving a tidy sum in the bank. What a bloody waste! DM is remarried, has a few rental properties mortgage free and yet still remains frugal. Anything costing more than about twenty quid is cause for pursed lips and a barbed comment. We got her an expensive necklace for a recent big birthday and all she could go on about was how extravagant it was, rather than just enjoying it! Does my head in and as a result, I'm much less stingy. DF's death also taught me that life's too short and we do spend when we want to. Sure, we have some savings, but not to the extent of not enjoying the moment. No point dying with money in the bank...

DF had a decent salary, was sensible with money, always saved and invested and paid into a decent pension. DM spent and spent and spent every penny he gave her, then got store cards and spent on those, then got loans and spent that too, and hid her debt from DF who eventually found out and had to clear it all. Then DM started spending again....etc. DF is dead now and DM still has a decent life thanks to his savings and investments. She still spends it all on tat while living in squalor

I left home at 16 and lived on minimum wage for years, but still managed to save. I am not materialistic at all. I definitely take after dear old dad. Thank fuck for that.

My sister and I grew up with nothing.
My sister financially abuses everyone she comes across now because of it.

And I used to spend money like it was water, I never had those things growing up, I never knew the real value of money, we never had any!

I've become better with it now and don't spend if I don't have to, I understand budgeting and have all the things I could possibly ever need.

I think when you have little money, you don't treat it like it should be looked after, you treat it like you're never going to see or have that kind of money again, and that's the problem.

My mum grew up quite poor and moved around a lot. Her and my DF worked extremely hard, sacrificed a lot when we were small and have been able to retire early which is why now I think she enjoys buying lots of stuff and being a mild hoarder. My DF's father used to spend his wages in the pub and my DGM had to eek out what was left to make sure they were fed and clothed.

Neither of my parents spend beyond their means and that's definitely rubbed off on me. My dad drove a 20 year old car despite being on a six figure wage before retiring. He still never throws away something that could be useful at a later date, does all his own DIY, wouldn't pay a window cleaner because he can do it himself etc. He's the reason i can't bring myself to pay to get my car valeted

I'm fairly careful as were my parents. Spend a little, save a little.

In some areas I am very careful tight but in others I'm quite spendy. It's weird what each of us think of as priorities.

I grew up with not too much. I haven't turned into a financial idiot. My husband grew up comfortably and spends money like it's going out of fashion.

Yes. My mum is terrible with money, and is now stuck in a loveless marriage because she can't afford to live without his pension. I worry about her all the time. I am determined to work hard, save and not get into debt, because I never want my daughter to have to worry about how I'm going to manage or give me money. I used to be quite irresponsible with money until I got together with my partner - he's very thrifty and good at planning ahead, which I really admire. Now we have our child I am really invested in making sure she is comfortable and that we will never be a financial burden to her.

Yes, my parents were careful with money and although they became increasingly well off as we got older gave out a strong live within your means message, as well as a view that material stuff doesn't make you happier. A 1 year old doesn't need much, save up for when they want and need more.
Delayed gratification is a learned behaviour.

I remember DM was the worst for getting into bother getting luxuries rented, catalogue, that kind of thing. But she grew up with a SAHM & Dad who worked. They owned their own house, lived in quite a nice area too, plus new cars which I think were paid for out right.

I know why she was/is the way she was. It was keeping up with the Joneses.

I don't aspire to any of that. I'll probably die with the same clothes I have now. It's very rare food gets chucked. Everything is portioned and frozen. Down to a loaf of bread which sounds daft.