To be upset

[waitingforlifetostart]

My oldest friend is visiting from South America where she now lives with her daughter and husband. She's been here for 20 days and goes back in a few days. I've only seen her twice since she got here and I can't help feeling a little hurt. She has family to see but if the situations were reversed I'd make sure I saw her even if only for some short catch ups. I'm not expecting her to prioritise me over her family obviously but a half hour coffee catch up doesn't seem too much does it? I made sure I kept the evenings and weekends free for her but couldn't get time off work in the day time. Aibu?

YABVU. We moved thousands of miles away and when I visit home once a year for 3 weeks it is SO stressful, I have a printed schedule to see everyone/ do everything. Sometimes it’s just hard to fit it all in. I leave exhausted and always having upset someone that like you, just doesn’t get it. Don’t be so hard on her.

You say you've seen her twice, but then you say a half hour coffee catch-up wouldn't go amiss. That makes it sound like you've only seen her in passing at the grocery store or something. Did you not actually visit with her the two times you saw her?

I can understand why you're disappointed but I'm another totally agreeing with Cavendar.

I often feel terrible for not telling people I'm visiting home. If I'm there less than a week I tell only those who need to know (like whoevers wedding it is, and my parents cos I'll be staying with them)

Imagine spending all your annual leave and a shitload of money visiting everyone you possibly can. And knowing at the start that some people will be angry/sad/disappointed no matter how hard you try.

This may sound awful but it's often the closest friends who lose out in my experience. I always want to see everyone, but there's people who you know will be there no matter what. Oh don't have to see them all the time and it's still like nothing's ever changed. I miss them like hell, but I know that they'll always be there.

It's always tough visiting 'home'. You never can please everyone. Usually for us it causes a few niggles between us as we want to see different people and I always want him to come with me to see my lot, he wants me to see his lot.

You've seen her twice. That to me shows how much she wants to see you - there'll be others she's not seen at all, others she may have seen for longer, but she's managed to fit you in twice.

I am sorry you feel upset. When your friend looks back on this visit she will probably regret not having been able to spend more time with people.

Unfortunately it is a price paid for living far away from family and old friends.

When we lived abroad we would come back to the UK once a year. It was always hard work fitting in 'duty visits' and 'friendship visits'. We always felt every visit had to be scheduled so that we could fit them in. Nothing could be open ended as we would be having to get onto the next one.

I'm flying home in a few weeks time for Christmas and I've already had people booking in time before everyone else does. It's hard because on the one hand I'm incredibly grateful to have people in my life that love me and haven't forgotten me just because I don't live in the UK anymore but on the other hand, I gets so exhausting feeling obligated to squeeze everyone in!

Try not to take it personally OP. It's almost impossible to juggle everything and everyone as much as she might want to.

Yabvu

As an ex pat Ivan tell you that returning home is bloody stressful.

I’m so fed up of people playing emotional games and having little sulks like yours that I actually haven’t gone back this year.

I’m so fed up of people playing emotional games and having little sulks like yours that I actually haven’t gone back this year

That is exactly how I feel. Also, the bloody cost, as someone else mentioned, after spending thousands of pounds and a long flight, I cannot be bothered with sulking because I only saw someone once.

Visiting "old friends" at home can become a chore when you live abroad. After a certain amount of small talk and reminiscing there's not much more to say, and one becomes very aware of having little in common and leading very different lives.
Being the one who stayed at home, your friend's visits are probably more important to you than they are to her. Sorry but that's my honest opinion.