Maternity clothes as Christmas presents

[Paperchains1986]

I need a stern talking too. I was talking to my mil about how I need maternity clothes soon (I'm 11 weeks pregnant with my first) and she said "don't buy any, you might be getting some for Christmas".

I don't want maternity clothes for Christmas! I want to buy what style I
like and they are a necessity. I think presents should be nice things I wouldn't buy myself from others. No one will buy my husband presents for the baby for his presents.

Even writing this I know I AM being unreasonable, haha, who moans about getting gifts! but I can't shake the feeling that the only thing people think of me now is a pregnant woman when last year I got a cooking course, books, cycling gear, vegan penny sweets. Thoughtful gifts for things I like. Not necessarily expensive, not prescribed by a list I made for everyone to stick too. I am only pregnant until June.

Talk some sense into me, please!

Rubbish! My mil bought me some reusable cloth nappies for my birthday when I was pregnant.

I just decided to spend the money I had saved on buying them myself on a treat for me!

You have my sympathies OP, my MIL tried to help me with maternity clothes earlier in the year, thankfully not by buying any, but by going off and getting a huge load of second hand ones off someone she knew, without telling me until she showed up with it all! All good quality stuff, but mostly too big and completely not my style. I did wonder if she'd looked at my outfits at all in the 10 years I've been with DP...

Suggest you try and get your husband to do some digging to find out whether MIL has already bought stuff.

would*

I’d be happy but then I love getting socks at Christmas. So I know ima bit odd

I had quite a lot of "luxury" maternity clothes they definitely weren't a necessity any more than another expensive item of clothing is a necessity. And now that I am BF I've asked for some quite expensive nursing tops for Xmas, which I wouldn't otherwise buy for myself. So overall I disagree with the premise.

However if they were being chosen by my MIL I'd be very dubious! But she buys shit clothes, maternity or not.

my SIL bought me a nappy bag for christmas when I was pregnant with my youngest. Ok, it's the first one of my kids genetically related to her, but having already had kids I already had more than one bag for carrying baby stuff around in and didn't need one

it was the first time I felt I was moving from "friend" to "vessel for providing my child with a cousin"

These days I think I'm the barrier lol

My mum was pregnant with me in her 30th birthday. My dad was working away and my mum also had my 3 year old sister. My dad left her present to open.
It was maternity trousers.
He still gets a bit of ribbing for how shit a present it was and how pissed off my mum was.

I’m 40.

Is there any way you can get your DP to have quiet word with his DM.

A) It is highly likely the mat clothes will be too big/small/short/long
B) It is winter stock in shops at the moment so if your bump is not big enough then you don’t really want to wear maternity jumpers/warm clothes in April/May/June!

YANBU. I don't want anyone else buying my clothes. Maternity or not! They aren't a treat are they they're an essential.

When I was pregnant over Christmas the only baby related item I got was my changing bag - and that's only because DH and I were discussing it in front of my parents. I was trying to convince DH it wasn't completely unreasonable of me to spend £100 (reduced from nearly £300) on this particular one as it was going to pretty much be my handbag for the next 2 years and would also be able to be used afterwards as an overnight bag type thing as it's big. He was disagreeing

My Dad said if I really wanted it, he'd buy it for me for Christmas. So I was delighted with that baby related present. But if someone would have bought me a non- treaty changing bag that I hadn't chosen myself while I'd have been grateful for the thought I wouldn't have been so pleased.

Nearly 2 years on and the bag is still going strong, not a mark on it and being used daily.

Agree that something lovely, posher than you'd buy yourself and in your style could be a lovely thoughtful present. But if she's just hitting up H&M and topshop, not so much.

My MIL has great taste and the whole family are really generous so it is unreasonable as I'm definitely not going to go without and I can always change them if not right fit or style. I think socks and practical gifts are great too. It's just that I am only going to use these clothes for a few months and I won't spend the money saved on myself as that's not how money works! "I got a present I was going to buy myself so I can spend that £30 on something else I want", no one really thinks like that, do they?

Having baby clothes/essentials as my Christmas presents jusy leaves me feeling like I'm being forgotten. My husband certainly won't be getting any baby related gifts for his Christmas/Birthday!

On the nappy bag, I've chosen one I like and will be asking work for vouchers toward it when they do the usual office whip round!

I know I sound like a brat, haha. I'm 30 and probably sound about 18. Once I'm a Mum, I'm sure I won't care about presents for me and want cloth nappies, a subscription to gurgle magazine or whatever but right now, can't think of anything worse haha

YANBU! When I was pregnant last time DP’s grandma got me some Johnson’s baby stuff for Christmas. I was a bit miffed, but she’s 95 so I let it go!!

Maybe she’s thinking along the lines of a big soft cashmere. If not, YANBU. Get DH to have a word in her ear.

I totally get you not wanting to be defined as pregnant mum to be for gifts. Was she thinking of buying DH a nappy changing station?

Paperchains1986 Not at all I'm a mother of 9 month old and couldn't think of anything worse than my mother in laws taste in random maternity clothes. Plus I'm not a one for expensive maternity wear which for me wouldn't be worn much; there is way to much other stuff I'd rather get than wasting money like that! Guess it's okay if you're minted

I agree with MrsPickles, I wouldnt mind. Presumably it's not like she's going to be buying your whole pregnancy wardrobe so if it's just a couple of things you can wear, even just for round the house, you can spend some of your maternity clothes budget on sweets/books/courses/anything you want. Maybe your Mil (however mistakenly you think it is) thinks she's being thoughtful and it's something which will be useful for you. I can't imagine being fuming over a gift like that. If it was your DH buying you these things, that'd be another matter! Just treat yourself to something nice and enjoy life before you have loads more to worry about!

Oh just read your next post OP, I'd hate all presents to be baby related - especially a baby magazine subscription!

You and MIL were talking about you needing maternity clothes soon? And she said she'll get you some for Christmas?

Could she have just thought she was killing 2 birds with 1 stone (she had sorted your Xmas gift and was getting you something you said you needed?).

Why didn't you just say to her "oh I'd rather chose my own and they aren't really a treat are they?" when you had this conversation?

Hiya

I didn't say I was fuming.

Also, she said "you might be getting some for Christmas" so bit rude at that point to say "no thanks". I'll accept any gift graciously, just felt miffed about it and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable as I need them and saves us buying our own.

In my other post I explained that pricing up what I think I've got in present form and thinking 'That's saved me £30 so I'll buy myself a gift worth £30 to even it out" doesn't sit right with me. That's not how money works!

I doubt it'll be whole wardrobe but prob a pair of jeans, couple of tops. If they don't fit or don't like the style, I'll take them back and exchange.

I would like someone to think about the me they know and think "she'll love this!" Or "this is right up her street", not "she's a mum to be now so all presents must be practical and baby related". It feels... odd and unnecessary as clearly I would get myself a few bits to tide me over for the few months I need them. I wouldn't be squeezing into my normal clothes for 9 months. If someone said "I'll buy you a tank of petrol for Christmas" would you think "great, I was going to fill up next week anyway so that'll save me £50?"

YANBU. I was young when I had DS and DD and lived in leggings and big shirts/jumpers (both born in March). I nearly cried at the age of 19 to be offered my older friend s hand me down frumpy maternity dresses! Just coz you're pregnant you haven't suddenly lost your own style and maternity clothes can be frumpy. Christmas presents should be something nice that the recipient wouldn't usually treat herself to not something practical that she ll only wear for a few months and probably get sick of looking at by the birth

Ok so she says "you might be getting some for Xmas" and then you say "if rather just buy as I need and they aren't really a nice treat are they?"

I don't buy clothes for Christmas as see them as essentials but lots of people do. No different to that I suppose so if your MIL may think the same.

Cos it's quite obvious she's already bought them. My question isn't asking for advice about what I do now she's bought them and a hypothetical conversation about what I could have said is helping no-one. You just sound like you'd be happy to tell people trying to do a nice thing not to bother. Which is not really in the Christmas spirit, in my family anyway.

My q was whether it was reasonable or unreasonable to be annoyed at getting mat clothes as a Christmas present. Not sure whether you've given your opinion on that, but overwhelmingly and surprisingly I think, most people agree with me that they would be miffed. It makes me feel better about my reaction. Like I've said before, I'll accept graciously but would rather have been asked "do you want these" so I could have said "no". Get it now?

Has your MiL bought you clothes as gifts before? If so, she sees this as just the same.
If she has great taste, it's probably something lovely that you might not have bought yourself.

MiL sees this as an exciting new "interest" that you have, and that she wants to celebrate, by getting you something connected to it.

If you want DH to have a quiet word with her tho, but he doesn't get it, ask him if he'd be happy with a nappy changing station as his gift (as a pp suggested).

My MIL is an Avon lady. I get all the 'free gifts' shit that she gathers up during the year.

Last year I got a small box of cheap chocolates. I'd actually prefer to get nothing to be honest.