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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect school to take this seriously?

69 replies

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 25/11/2017 21:55

DS phoned me from school yesterday a bit upset. One of his 'friends' trod in dog poo on the way to school and thought it would be funny to wipe his shoe all down the front of my son's trousers. DS had to try to clean it off before school. He told his pastoral teacher at break as he was aware it smelt foul. Teacher said she would speak to the friend and would also phone me. I've heard nothing and nobody spoke to DS again either. When he got home his trousers smelt awful, he had to spend a whole day like that. AIBU to call the school on Monday and say I'm really unhappy, this boy seems to have got away with it, my son is upset and embarrassed

OP posts:
Original poster
Sugarhunnyicedtea · 25/11/2017 22:50

Thank you dementedpixie, I think he did the right thing, or at least what he thought was right at the time. It's a new environment for him with lots of rules so he was pretty stressed about it all

OP posts:
OhWotIsItThisTime · 25/11/2017 23:01

The school have been awful - the other kid should have been reprimanded and your ds given trousers from lost property, poor kid. Definitely kick up.

CakeNinja · 25/11/2017 23:02

Demented, the op hasn't said that he asked for spare clothes anywhere unless I've missed it.
I don't think it's uncommon to assume a pe kit may have been in school either, my dc walk a couple of miles to and from school so they only bring it home at the end of the week. They are actually supposed to have kit in school all week in case of switched lessons and the occasional surprise activity.
I'm not trying to be difficult but generally, schools are awash with spare stuff but yes, you do actually have to ask to get it.
Just shows a lack of independence and taking responsibility which I can see - I have 2 dc at senior school, one of whom is 12 and in year 7, exactly the same as ops ds.
Sorry, hope you get to the bottom of why he didn't seek new clothes and why the teacher didn't phone you, and hopefully this doesn't happen again.

PJHarveysClutchBag · 25/11/2017 23:04

In Y7 my child was overwhelmed by new big school so I think he did well to tell a teacher. They are very different from Primary and It's only his 1st term. In Y8 my child broke their finger and the teacher thought it didn't look broken and didn't follow procedure and call me. I have a lot of empathy for teachers and feel they have an impossible task. In your position I would email the head. That's what I did about the broken finger and I was happy with their response. I do hope your son is ok.

dementedpixie · 25/11/2017 23:05

Surely if there were spare clothes then the pastoral teacher would have directed him to them. Dds pe kit is shorts and t shirt so wouldn't have been appropriate as a spare set of clothes. Secondary schools will not have spare clothing to the same extent as a primary school either. Stop blaming the OPs Ds when he tried to do the right thing

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/11/2017 23:10

YADNBU. Not only is it disgusting.
It can also lead to eye site loss.
Not to mention the money its going to cost to replace them.
I'd be having a long conversation with the school and The SGO.(Safeguarding officer).

PJHarveysClutchBag · 25/11/2017 23:13

Completely agree with you OP. I think he has dealt with this in a very mature way and I really feel for him. What a horrible situation. Hope he's ok.

Maryann1975 · 25/11/2017 23:25

I’d email school and find out there side of the story (not that I don’t believe your ds, but to find out why they didn’t phone you or try to sort spare trousers out for your ds). My dd is in year 7 and fell into a muddy puddle recently. School lent her a spare skirt, I know it wasn’t lost property as it had a name written on the label and she is about 18 now, (I know her mum). A named skirt wouldn’t be in lost property 6 years later. I washed it and sent it back for the next person who might need it.

I feel really sorry for your son, presumably the staff could smell it all day-dreadful that no one asked him or tried to help.

CakeNinja · 25/11/2017 23:31

Okay Demented, you're absolutely right. I'm blaming ops son for the whole incident.
And yes, our 3 local senior school all seem to have a big problem with excess unclaimed lost property. If you've never seen a thread where an op has complained about their senior ages dc losing yet another item of clothing, you haven't lived!
So it does exist and I'm genuinely quite baffled that the boy sat the whole day in shitty stinking clothes rather than actively go and seek replacements himself, and not just mention it to someone else to sort it out for him. Which seems to have been what happened. Unless he did actually ask for lost property or spare clothes, which op hasn't specifically said he had, and if he had, I'm sure op would have mentioned it.
Anyway OP. As I said before, I hope you get to the bottom of the whole debacle and that your son will know in future how to deal with problems that face him, there will be many!

Domani · 26/11/2017 05:54

I hate to say it but I think some teachers are rubbish nowadays. The caring side seems to have completely gone. There were a few teachers on another thread a few days ago, where OP's son was self harming. The teachers posts were cold hearted, not at all concerned about the child self-harming, only about the rights and wrongs of school rules! One of them even blatantly admitted that she, apparently alongside the TA and Senco had fiddled a child out of half of his funded sen provision (he'd been awarded 1:1) OP I would make a complaint, it's unacceptable in my opinion. Ds did the right thing reporting it to his pastoral teacher and she did nothing.

Pengggwn · 26/11/2017 06:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatWasNotLove · 26/11/2017 06:39

It was dog shit. I'm not sure what can justify wiping shit off your shoe on someone else. If OP's DS had thrown rubbish at him previously or done something similar, that boy should have reported it. Otherwise it's like saying it's fine for OP's DS to smear dog shit on his trousers (or worse) on Monday.

OP i think your son did the right thing. He's in senior school but he's still only 12! It's all still pretty new and he hasn't suddenly become an adult overnight.

I'm sure the teacher was very busy but not sure why you weren't called, he wasn't sent home to change (depending on rules about being off the premises and how far away you live), or an other trousers offered.

I don't see anything wrong with contacting the school on Monday to find out what happened. If they were too busy Friday to contact you, why won't they be too busy on Monday.

And what on earth makes someone wipe the dirt from their shoe off on someone else? I'd want that boy's behaviour kept an eye on. It's not a "mistake" at that age. And I'd advise your DS to also give him a wide berth - if he doesn't anyway after this.

Pengggwn · 26/11/2017 06:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

givemesteel · 26/11/2017 06:59

I would definitely expect the school to take it seriously as it is an act of bullying. I wouldn't accept any school saying oh well it's outside the school gates so not our problem, what kind of message does that send to bullies?

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 26/11/2017 07:25

The stupid teacher should have found him something to wear! Complain about that.

Pengggwn · 26/11/2017 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Codlet · 26/11/2017 07:38

YANBU. My DS is the same age as yours and I would be horrified by this. I would definitely be talking to someone at the school (his form teacher? Head of year?).

Crumbs1 · 26/11/2017 07:39

My children’s first secondary used to mend boys ripped trousers. They went to textiles where they were put in a cupboard whilst trousers were quickly sewn up by one of the staff. My boys used it several times. I’m sure most schools would have offered lost property trousers whilst the soiled ones were washed.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 26/11/2017 07:43

Peng But I do..OP clearly stated that her son told his teacher!

He told his pastoral teacher at break as he was aware it smelt foul. Teacher said she would speak to the friend and would also phone me

Coconutspongexo · 26/11/2017 07:47

Crumbs - is that a private school?
Also by given lost propert trousers until Monday when he has his own trousers because I can’t think of any school that would wash someone’s trousers.

Non of the senior schools my siblings and I went to (there was a lot) even had lockers so it’s understandable that he didn’t have a kit to change In to, most kids only take their PE kit in when it’s required.

The school may have a lost property, the teacher should have directed OPs son to the lost property. There’s probably a high chance that there isn’t any kecks in the lost properly for him to wear.

WelshMoth · 26/11/2017 08:02

As a pastoral lead in a large comprehensive, if it happened in or out of school, I'd tackle it.

Dirty, dirty thing to do and I'd be putting the lad on detention and giving him a serious lecture. I'd also make his parents aware. When they wear the school badge, they have a responsibility to behave in and out of school. They represent our standards.

As for your poor son, there's NO WAY he'd be sitting in those soiled trousers for the entire day. Not impressed with this at all and I'm a bit Hmm that an adult considers this a non-issue. Poor kid, and poor kids sitting next to him too. Not a good learning environment.

They should have phoned you straight away to ask for another pair of trousers. Failing contact, we'd more than likely pop him into a clean pair (we own many sizes and keep them for pupils who think they can strut in wearing jeans). We have a gem of a member of staff who should have angel wings and a halo mends ripped uniform and she would have stuck them straight into the washing machine in the tech building.

I'd certainly be contacting school OP and making my views known. It's an unacceptable act but also rather concerning that he was left in that mess for the day. Contact his head of Year immediately tomorrow and ask why.

Original poster
Sugarhunnyicedtea · 26/11/2017 08:03

Cakeninja I'm finding your posts quite insulting to be honest. He's 12 years old on a new school and just finding his feet. He told a teacher, which is what I would expect him to do, and he didn't have a pe kit (which is shorts and tshirt anyway) in school because it wasn't a pe day. He wasn't offered spare clothes, I don't know if the school have any but I will be finding out. He is very sensible but totally overwhelmed by this happening.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 26/11/2017 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ourkidmolly · 26/11/2017 08:07

Why did the other boy do that? Has he teased him before? Its quite random. Does he know him from primary? It's really gross anyway. This needs nipping in the bud. I'd contact School ASAP. Your poor lad.

WelshMoth · 26/11/2017 08:08

I'm responding to a poster who said that OP's son should have been more proactive: there are so many rules introduced to our Year 7's, the good
Kids tend to be terrified of breaking rules so tend to follow the code. I am
Not surprised that he attended every lesson and am disappointed that no teacher helped him out. If it had been any teacher working in my Year team, I'd be letting them know that I was seriously unimpressed. We have a duty of care to all our pupils and all their needs.