To ask your views on smoking before holding babies

[LloydColeandtheCoconuts]

My DD is 4 months old. I sometimes meet up with a work colleague for a hot chocolate and i ask not to smoke at all that day until she leaves. I know this is potential CF behaviour but she knows that I won’t let her hold DD if she does. My friend has been fine with this and doesn’t mind not smoking for a few hours because she gets to hold DD. Then she can smoke all she wants when she leaves.
Tomorrow I’m meeting some other work colleagues - 2 of whom are smokers. I am not close enough to them to ask them not to smoke beforehand but I won’t let them hold DD if they have been.
My DP thinks IABU to tell them this as they’re coming to see the baby and probably would want to hold her. He thinks I’m being a little OTT as it’ll only be for a few hours and they won’t be smoking whilst holding her.
I’m just wondering whether IABU or not.
Thanks

Yabu
Second hand smoke is still not good, esp around babies

Sorry yanbu that should have said

I think as long as they take off the outdoor clothing they wore while smoking, wash their hands and don't smoke for about an hour before I'd allow a short hold if they want to.

Completely and utterly unreasonable.

Kids were growing up in smoke filled environments until this past decade. And you're worried about a smell?

Kids were growing up in smoke filled environments until this past decade

And you think it did no harm? Are people still spouting this 'in my day' crap? It's almost funny.

And you’re worried about a smell?

No, the poisonous fumes of cigarette smoke. I didn't mention a smell.

Just don't bring up holding the baby?

Is it that common to want to hold someone else's newborn? I dunno, I don't think I would because I'd be worried the baby would get upset. Different if you're close, of course.

And you could always just say oh, she's awful with being picked up, she'll scream the place down.

(Though, I wouldn't be keen on someone holding mine who'd been smoking. Probably wouldn't think of it unless I'd seen them smoking or they smelt of it, but it is a danger and I don't think it's odd to feel that.)

Its not just a smell splendid isolation, smokers are still breathing out toxins I believe for up to 20 minutes after each cigarette, I can't find the exact figure now but thats what we were told when my kids were little, they are now doing research on 3rd hand smoke, so all the toxins that get stuck in smokers clothes and furniture to see if that makes a difference to health too.

I didn't let people hold my DS when he was a newborn if they smoked.

It's their right to smoke, it's my job and right to protect my newborn as they're really vulnerable.

I'd allow a quick cuddle as long as they waited at least an hour and changed tops, but wouldn't mind if they found it too much hassle.

Do you live very rurally OP? If not you might want to think about asking cars to turn off their engines before you take your PFB out

Probably I personally would let them hold her at 4mo as long as they've not literally just stubbed a fag out and taken coat off as another says. There is a risk of course from it but it's not really from one single episode of being exposed.
As another says they may not even want a hold, I don't usually ask when I meet a friends new baby even though I've got a DD.
But if you really feel uncomfortable about it then play up the paranoid mum thing, laugh at yourself, say she's had a bit of a cough and been a bit wheezy at night and you're really worried about the cold and pollution and cigarette smoke so maybe not today...

I do wonder about the (very) occasional bit of clinging tobacco smoke particulate versus the exhaust fumes I've had to push all of my babies past, TBH. It still makes me beyond furious that vehicle exhaust pipes are at pram level.

For that reason alone, I only went medium overboard about smokers near the more recent babies (when I had the eldest, the question didn't even really exist).

This is only some of whats in cigarettes. Honestly Op Yanbu at all. I wouldnt let a smoker hold a new born either its vile and dangerous for them. No matter how many times people say they were aroumd smoke/ they smoke themselves and its fine.

Baby not new born sorry

You can't play exactly by 'the perfect rules' all the time. If you did you'd be totally neurotic and anxious.

Your baby will come in contact with smoke and pollution and sugar and salt etc. So your job is to limit that where possible. There is a limit to what's reasonable behaviour from you in relation to this too.

Air pollution is said to be responsible for 40000deaths per year in the UK. As far as I know no-one advises washing their clothes after they've been out in the open air before handling babies.
Third hand smoke pish is simply another method public health uses to demonise smoking/smokers, can't find the research at the moment but you'd need to suck on a smoker's cardi for about a billion years before you'd suffer any ill effects.

If you think your friend doesn't have a fag al day untill after she holds your baby your kidding yourself. Sorry op.

You can't play exactly by 'the perfect rules' all the time. If you did you'd be totally neurotic and anxious.

And home alone. Chewing the walls.

That's a very important point, actually.

Fair point Crunchymum. I live in London so the irony is not lost on me! She’s not even my first! I can’t do anything about the traffic though.

(For all of parenting, for the long haul.)

YANBU.

Your baby your rules!

Missonihoni
Yep, my DP says the same. However when we worked together I could smell the smoke.

Laiste, and what? What harm has it done? Do we know how how much harm would be caused by someone who had smoked a couple of hours previously holding a baby?
I suspect none.
So much hysteria about everything these days. Making a judgement call about something seems to be a dying skill, along with mending socks and baking your own birthday cakes!
Everything seems to have a nuclear response, no matter how minor or irrelevant.
I do wonder how these parents - the ones who seem so puffed-up with their own self-importance at being a parent - survive in the real world.
FWIW, I think the OP's request is unbelievably rude and contact crass, but then I was just a mother to my children, I didn't see it as my job to be their advocate.

Personally I think you’re being a bit OTT; a few seconds next to a person who has smoked is surely not the worst that can befall a baby.

Well if you're so concerned about the devestating effects of fumes and toxins OP, then willingly having a baby when you live in London is tantamount to child abuse in my book.