Men today?

[gillybeanz]

Is it just on here or are men just not very good these days.

The amount who are selfish, lacking empathy, bullies, abusive, and so many more negative characteristics, noted on here.

In comparison to men when we were young 26 years ago, they are almost neanderthal now. We seem to be going backwards.
Do they just spring the cuntyness on women or do women not see the signs soon enough?

I'm sure my dh isn't the best in the world, he has his problems but I just don't see any of the cuntyness that is so often talked about on here.

I do agree that society would massively frown on men that abandoned their children. I saw it myself growing up.
There were very few though because divorce was much less frequent.
There were more adopted children in my school than children of divorced parents.
I'm not saying it was better as some poor women were unable to get out of violent relationships, merely stating a fact.
My dh was the only one in his school from divorced parents, there were non at my school, that I knew of.
Lots of adopted from birth/few months old at my school.

Getting back to the way some men are today, there does seem an attitude of increased selfishness.
The baby mags/ before Mnet talked about how men were expected to step up, lists of what they should consider. How there lives would be expected to change from free weekends to family weekends.
No concept of lads holidays and stag weekends, it didn't happen.
Football was occasional if nothing organised for the family, not fitting family around hobbies, this was unheard of.

It just seems like we are going backwards and maybe need a few articles explaining what is expected these days.

Football was occasional if nothing organised for the family, not fitting family around hobbies, this was unheard of.

Sorry but completely disagree.

That certainly want the case in the 70s/80s.

People only complain on here, if they sing the praises of a spouse it sounds smug so nobody does it.

I also think it's not just men, plenty of poor female partners too. Plenty of selfish, controlling and abusive women out there too.

There are some unrealistic expectations too. They are expected to forfeit everything they enjoy when marriage and children come along. They are expected to work so their wife doesn't have too then come home and start on the house as the wife is at home for the children not the housework etc.

There seems little focus on an equal relationship and still too much of the 1950s attitude that girls don't do much but boys need to study hard as their wife will expect them to provide and likely choose them as a partner based on their earning potential.

Piglet

Only my experience but if the men went to football, or in the case in my area rugby League, the whole family went, they were all into it.
If they weren't the man would take the kids and the women would have time for themselves or friends, usually other rugby gooers wives/gf's.
Family and family friends were the important part, not Dad going off with mates and leaving wifey at home with kids.

Yes but this is just your area and where you grew up. It’s not reflective of society as a whole I’m afraid. People got divorced less because it wasn’t as socially acceptable, I’ve seen stories where couples have been living together for years in a miserable relationship and the reason they haven’t divorced is because it used to not be the done thing, so they’ve just put up and shut up.

Only my experience but if the men went to football, or in the case in my area rugby League, the whole family went, they were all into it.

In my experience there is no way on earth my DF would have taken us to a big football match as kids.

Rugby yes. Rugby is still however very much a family game still. We all have season tickets for our Aviva premiership rugby union club.

This is what I mean though Piglet
Would you go on your own and sod the rest of the family if they weren't into it.
If you did, would you compromise somewhere else or just see it as your God given right, despite what other family members wanted.

My point was the selfishness of some men who expect time of their own at the weekend, rather than spending it with the family.
Those that wouldn't miss their mates, footy, golf, free time, night with the lads etc etc even if their wife was ill, or hadn't had a break or time for herself all week.

toffee

I've lived in many areas and travelled the country a fair bit, with the exception of SE as we couldn't afford to live there. I am also looking at 26 years not just a snippet of a few years.

My point was the selfishness of some men who expect time of their own at the weekend, rather than spending it with the family.

Family isn't joined at the hip! No one has to be together 24/7. The issue comes of others don't get time to do stuff as well, not that people have individual hobbies.

My DF wouldn't have take us to the football as it wasn't seen to be safe to do so.

Those that wouldn't miss their mates, footy, golf, free time, night with the lads etc etc even if their wife was ill, or hadn't had a break or time for herself all week.

Thing is, you are saying this is new. It really really isn't.

I'm not saying it's new, but seems more widespread, more of it.
I do get the comments about obviously this isn't a cross section of society and there have always been arseholes, of course that's nothing new in that, I've met some right arseholes in my years.
I'm glad some think IABU though, and realise we can only speak about what we see and hear.

It probably seems more widespread because of the internet and sites like Mumsnet where people can complain about problems. Of course some people do seem to attract arseholes, which is purely misfortune (apologies for not thinking of a better way of putting it) - I do think those people on MN who advise someone to “go and find a lovely man” are being a bit blasé/naïve because it is rarely that simple, all arseholes start off nice or they’d never attract or be in a relationship with anyone. In fact, that’s the issue, people are drawn into a relationship with a charming, lovely guy and are confused and upset when they turn twatty, they don’t realise that the niceness was only a front.