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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was spiteful?

47 replies

moralberyll · 25/11/2017 15:40

It was dm’s birthday on Friday and I unfortunately had to work until 3pm. We had arranged to meet after then (I only work 10 minutes away from the city centre!) in town to have a walk round the Christmas market and go for dinner, I double checked the plans with her on the morning and all was fine. Fast forward to midday and I receive a text at 12pm from dm saying she is now meeting my sister 12:30 instead and they are going for lunch but they ‘might’ still be in town when I finish at 3pm. Anyway I receive a text at 3pm as I am leaving work saying sorry but they are leaving town now to go home. I later questioned dm and she basically tried to blame me for just not being able to leave work in the middle of the day and said I had now ruined her birthday by making her feel bad. Aibu to think that she have just waited a couple of hours for me instead of cancelling our previously made plans? Sister is on maternity leave so she wasn’t tied to a specific time. Oh and Dm then posted on Facebook later in the day saying what a wonderful day she had had with her granddaughter.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 25/11/2017 15:43

Mean, yes.

Does she have form for this?

whoareyoukidding · 25/11/2017 15:46

YANBU

moralberyll · 25/11/2017 15:48

She said I shouldn’t make her feel bad as they had to go home as the baby was cold, i said why couldn’t dsis take the baby home and you stay? They had obviously already eaten by that point so she saw no point in meeting me. Yes, she does have form for this since my sisters baby has arrive d. I have a big birthday coming up next week and she has barely even mentioned it.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 25/11/2017 15:49

yanbu - i would have wanted to see both daughters on my birthday!

mumonashoestring · 25/11/2017 15:49

Well, the good news is you have nothing to feel bad about, after all, she had such a lovely time...

Have you replied to her facebook post to say how relieved you are that her day wasn't spoiled after all even if she is

DJBaggySmalls · 25/11/2017 15:50

Yanbu, thats nasty.

moralberyll · 25/11/2017 15:52

Last night we were at my sisters house and we ordered takeaway and my sister said she was skint so my dm paid for hers and I paid for my own. I think I have bigger problems than just the birthday issue tbh.

OP posts:
GertrudeCB · 25/11/2017 15:55

Oh dear, you can either raise this with your DM or grit your teeth and accept it. Flowers

WunWun · 25/11/2017 15:55

I would distance myself.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/11/2017 16:09

Yes it is mean, and seems like she favouritises your sister over you.

GwenStaceyRocks · 25/11/2017 16:11

Is your DSIS' baby, the first grandchild? It may be the baby was your DM's focus rather than your DSIS.

moralberyll · 25/11/2017 16:15

I think she is frightened of my sister as she is quite highly strung and worried that she will be prevented from seeing the baby so I’m the ‘easier’ one to upset and let down. No, not the first grandchild but it is my sisters first baby.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 25/11/2017 16:18

I don’t understand why your sister couldn’t have joined you for a stroll around the market and had an early meal pm or so with the baby. Has your mother always treated you and your sister differently or is it since she became a mother?

Gemini69 · 25/11/2017 16:18

well.... She can just swivel next year then huh Hmm

poor you Flowers

BewareOfDragons · 25/11/2017 16:19

Very sorry, OP. Your mum has clearly chosen her favourite to cater to, the DD with a child. What a nasty thing to do.

Sucks, but a lot of parents are like this I've noticed on FB, clearly favouring one sibling over others, and then getting angry when it's noted by the others.

moralberyll · 25/11/2017 16:20

I think I should maybe have posted this In relationships! Dm said that she can’t afford to buy me anything for my birthday next week when I mentioned a £30 pair of shoes I was after (which I subsequently bought for myself) but went out yesterday buying my niece Christmas presents!

OP posts:
babyturtles · 25/11/2017 16:21

My mother would do this too, it's awful when they show how little they care about you in comparison.

Sorry OP Flowers

TroysMammy · 25/11/2017 16:26

I'm sorry you have a mean and spiteful mother. Next year just post her Birthday card and not arrange anything for her, your sister can instead.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/11/2017 16:27

My mother did this at Christmas one year. We invited her and my stepdad for Xmas. And they said yes. Then my brother and his wife invited them. So they went there instead. Dd was very little and they didn’t even have a child at the time.

GertrudeCB · 25/11/2017 16:27

Well after your updates- disengage.

overnightangel · 25/11/2017 16:32

She sounds like a child

W8what · 25/11/2017 16:43

Thats just plain mean. I’m with the “next year post her a card” suggestion

ptumbi · 25/11/2017 16:45

The problem your mum will find is that if she favours the sister (with grandchild she needs to 'buy' to see) she runs the risk of alienating the 'easier' one i.e. you.

She will end up walking on eggshells round goldenchild whilst not seeing you or any other GC.

SuzukiLi · 25/11/2017 18:08

Sorry I think YABU.

AmysTiara · 25/11/2017 18:12

Care to share why Suzuki?

You have my sympathy op. It must be hard to realise you are second best. I would disengage.

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