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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH he needs to save some holiday?

27 replies

Pandrawerschangedmylife · 25/11/2017 15:03

I'm currently on mat leave, due to go back in January. DS will be starting nursery 4 days a week.

I've used most of my holiday to extend my mat leave but have kept a few days back in anticipation of the usual colds, sickness bugs and general illness that he'll more than likely pick up in those first few months.

DH has planned (or was planning) to take a week off in December for no reason other than its quiet at work and he has holiday to use. I've asked him to save this for January so that I'm not dealing with all the possible sickness myself. He thinks IABU as he wants a rest.

Who is being unreasonable??

OP posts:
Sirzy · 25/11/2017 15:05

Will he even be able to use holiday like that? A lot of workplaces insist it is booked in advance.

Oysterbabe · 25/11/2017 15:05

Yanbu. When I went back to work after mat leave it was 2 months before DD managed a full week at nursery, she had every bug going and it was so stressful. I'll be more prepared this time!

Piratesandpants · 25/11/2017 15:06

May be a couple of days for him and keep 3 back for sickness days? You’re right to plan ahead as it can be stressful to deal with, taking time off work etc.

EmilyChambers79 · 25/11/2017 15:07

Can he carry days over into next year? My holiday year runs Jan to Dec and I can't carry days over.

It's difficult, there may not be any need to cover illness or sickness and your DH may miss out on having a rest before Christmas, then again, he could need every spare day.

Could he compromise and maybe book a Thursday and Friday off in December so he still gets 4 days off work then keep 3 for January?

ScreamingValenta · 25/11/2017 15:07

Is his leave year in line with the calendar year, or the financial year? If the former, there might be a limit to how much he can carry over - there is where I work.

minipie · 25/11/2017 15:08

YANBU at all.

Sirzy that's true but that's a problem the OP will face too. IME employers don't like last minute annual leave requests (to look after sick child) but they'd prefer that to the employee having used up all their annual leave and then asking for extra emergency leave or pulling a sickie.

EmilyChambers79 · 25/11/2017 15:08

Also, I couldn't book holiday. If DS was sick, then it was an unpaid day for me.

BeeFarseer · 25/11/2017 15:09

He is. My youngest started nursery in September and has had three bouts of illness since then, where he's had to be looked after at home. I've just started a new job so it fell to my husband to take time off. Next time, I will.

It's ok to want a rest, but your husband will be doing it at your expense. You'll end up dealing with all the child-related illness and he'll escape it by going into work because he'll have no holidays left. He's being incredibly selfish. Why can't he have a day or two off, if he feels he really needs it, and save the rest?

Piratesandpants · 25/11/2017 15:09

Forgot to say, you need to agree how sickness days will be covered between you NOW before he sssumed that covering these days will ALWAYS be your job. See recent thread about this...

Firsttimemama2017 · 25/11/2017 15:09

YANBU. My daughter started nursery in October at 9 months and has barely done a full week. To be honest I would make sure you both have a lot of annual leave as all the the babies from my NCT have been poorly loads when starting nursery. People tell you it’s bad but honestly my daughter has been off more than she’s been in nursery!

NapQueen · 25/11/2017 15:09

How much of a rest does he think he is going to get with a baby?

When does his al finish?

Original poster
Pandrawerschangedmylife · 25/11/2017 15:11

His holiday runs March to March (they start it from the date you start at the company)

Not sure how it stands with holiday and sickness leave but it makes sense for him to take it and not just take unpaid leave instead as he'll be left with additional time to take off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pandrawerschangedmylife · 25/11/2017 15:13

NapQueen - I'm going to stay with family for a few days with DS so I think he wants to capitalise on this.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/11/2017 15:14

Compromise, he takes two days now to make a long weekend to 'rest', saves the other three.

HermionesRightHook · 25/11/2017 15:15

I appreciate the need for a rest but I think he's being unfair. Two, even three days tagged onto a weekend would give him a bit of a break but he should be saving some of it for child-based emergencies. I wouldn't be leaving myself that short if it had to last till March, though, I'd definitely want a day or two in hand just for myself, never mind child/home issues!

That said, I also like it when colleagues plan their leave in so we all know where we are, rather than taking it all at short notice - but there's a balance.

deepestdarkestperu · 25/11/2017 15:16

Can he take holiday at the last minute? Where I am, it has to be booked at least 3 weeks in advance. If your child is ill, or you need time off for say, the doctors, you take unpaid leave.

RagingFemininist · 25/11/2017 15:26

Nope you are right there.
He should keep his hols I case there is any illness and take whatever he has left in February, just befire his annual leave ends.

And he also needs to get his head around the fact that now he is a father, that comes first befire his need for rest.
And that you will NOT the be default person to take time off when dc is ill. Take turns and please make it clear to him right form the start as he clearky doesn’t expect to have to cover any of that.

PovertyPain · 25/11/2017 15:42

I think it depends on what kind of support he gives you. Does he help with the baby, up during the night, fair share of the housework, cooking, ect? Does he help at the weekend to give you a break, or do you do all of cleaning, cooking, childcare, etc? If he does all that, then he might need a break, though on the other hand if work is quiet, that's a silly time for him to use his holidays, after all if he's really busy in work, surely he'd need the rest, more.

If you're going to stay with family and he's staying home, will he clean up after himself or will you arrive back to a shit tip?

confusedlittleone · 25/11/2017 15:57

It depends on his company- we can't use annual leave for sickness

minipie · 25/11/2017 16:57

If you're taking DS to stay with family won't he get a rest those days anyway? Especially if you're going across a weekend. Even if you're going across weekdays he'll get a rest - full night's sleep, later wake up in the morning, only himself to get ready in the morning etc.

pinkdelight · 25/11/2017 17:46

How much hol has he got left? Couldn't he take a couple of days in Dec and save the rest?

KarmaNoMore · 25/11/2017 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minipie · 25/11/2017 18:04

You can see that time as little holiday as a family

I had read it as the DH wants some time to himself while OP takes the baby to family. Not that DH intends to go with them. That would be much nicer!

YellowMakesMeSmile · 25/11/2017 18:10

I don't think it's fair you have used yours to extend leave but expect him to not have any time off with his. A few days each saved for emergencies but the rest down to the individual to chose when to take.

NerdyBird · 25/11/2017 18:27

Is he the type that thinks you being in mat leave is a holiday? When do you get your rest while he takes baby away?