I judged a man.. and I feel awful!!

[hattiesmumm]

I can’t believe I’m posting this. I know I was definitely being unreasonable.

Last night I went to see a show in threatre. Me and Dp were sat on the second row in. Next to Dp was 3 empty seats. A man sat down next to
Dp and he was on his own. He spent a good 30 mins fidgeting about, rubbing his hands, reaching under his seat etc. I became a nervous wreck. The I realised he had a “mate” the other end of the row, who they kept staring at each other. After all these territorist attacks it really made me scared.

Turned out him and the other guy was a dancer in the show. He put a mask on and climbed over seats etc.

I feel so stupid. 😔 and embarrassed.

Don't feel bad. That would have made me nervous, too. After all we're all petrified. Well i certainly am. I'll hold my hands up.

Don't feel bad. I'd have felt the same! I think everyone is more vigilant nowadays. When I flew recently I was definitely more aware of other people in the airport. I tried to reign my anxiety in but I think we can't help being on high alert.

After all I've never heard of participants sitting with the audience.
Perhaps its common place, though

To be honest, I’d simply have been annoyed by the fidgeting. No I don’t think we are all petrified, I’m not.i don’t know anyone who is.

Why are you ashamed, was your judgement based on ethnicity? If not and it was simply you panic about terrorist attacks I don’t think shame is what you should feel, more concern that it’s impacting you so deeply.

I think you're being really silly. It's normal to feel uncomfortable if a stranger is acting a bit oddly - we are animals and as such we're programmed to pick up danger in the environment. It's usually because people ignore that feeling that tragedies end up worse than they could be (I'm taking fires etc as well as attacks). You didn't actually do anything. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

From what you describe I think everyone would have been suspicious of that behaviour. Honestly, better to be vigilant and tune into your warning senses than not.

He sounds very unprofessional. A good actor/dancer wouldn't have drawn so much attention to himself!

He either should have sat quietly or told you he was part of the show. Not your fault.

I'd have been very nervous about this and probably would have left so YABU.

OOohhh was the Show good

It's not surprising with everything that's going on. Sorry you felt scared. I got off the tube a stop too soon earlier in the week because a big ginger dude in camo was fiddling nonstop with his phone and his rucksack and then mumbling - he made me feel v uncomfortable.

The main thing is that you went. The evil bastards might make us nervous but they're not stopping us living our lives!

I agree with Nyx1

I don't know if you are being unreasonable. The police advise people to keep a look out for anyone behaving oddly - there are posters about it all over the tube.

I live in London, certainly not terrified or anxiety-ridden, but I notice others' behaviour in public spaces now more than I used to. My mum says she was the same in the 80s (IRA). It's just sensible self preservation, and being a responsible citizen, IMO.

I'm always hyper-vigalent on the train and the tube. That's the legacy of travelling in and roynd London during the IRAs bombing campaign in the 70s/80s.

All the fidgeting and messing about ruined the show for you. They need to plan things much better, maybe send them an email? x

Why do you feel stupid and embarrassed? What did you actually do?

Why did you just sit there and watch him and his mate for 30 minutes if you thought he was behaving suspiciously?

I got off a bus the other day because there was a dude on it with a bulging backpack and holdall - which he kept fiddling with - rocking back and for, praying really loudly, washing himself from a huge 5 litre water bottle and crying. I'm not proud. Neither was I the only one to get off the bus several stops early.

There were several major events happening in my town that day too. The local paper had made a massive thing about increased armed patrols and warning the public to be extra vigilant. We're all on high alert, however calm and non-judgemental we usually are. Doesn't help that the authorities are basically telling us to be so on edge.

I felt like such a twat afterwards, btw

I would have probably left or said something to the bloke along the lines of everything alright mate?
When I got out I would have mentioned to whoever was out front that there were two men acting suspiciously in row ...

You can't be embarrassed into submission. If you are worried about something you need to speak up and warn somebody then they can either put your mind to rest or you can get your arse out of there

What would you have done, Fog?

"You can't be embarrassed into submission."

...and yet this does happen to people, quite often, because they're people and not Vulcans. Good for you if you would have handled the situation assertively straight away.

It might make you feel better if you come up with a plan in case you're in such a situation again eg if you had spoken to an usher and said you were concerned/nervous. They could have reassured you and mentioned to the dancers to think about how their behaviour could be perceived going forward.
The fact that there have been terrorist attacks in theatres, at concerts, etc, means most people would be more alert nowadays. I attended a massive conference in the week after the Manchester bombings and I was very aware of the security checks, the emergency exits, etc.

To be honest they don't sound very good at their jobs if they aroused suspicion. Unless that was part of the show and intended. But it's not a bad thing to be aware of your surroundings.
I often clutch my bag when on the underground, or walking around on a busy street. All it takes is one moment of ignorance and your bag with all your cash, keys and phone is gone.

He sounds very unprofessional. A good actor/dancer wouldn't have drawn so much attention to himself!

He either should have sat quietly or told you he was part of the show.

We don't know that the behaviour wasn't part of the show though. And not telling the audience in advance that you're part of the show might be part of the point of it.