I dont want Mil to choose our new sofas?

[Aweektilltheseason]

I really enjoy interior design having said that its all second hand from junk shops and has been for ten years. ie I care about these things and choosing etc is enjoyable to me.

I would really like to find new sofas in the sales coming and have my eye on a few beautiful velvet snuggle seats and a main white ikea sofa. Unbeknownst to me, DH has told his DP we want new sofas for xmas ( they are well off but also they are holding money from his GM for him).

Mil is sending him pics of sofas. The thing is she has done this before, she decided a few years ago we needed new sofas and started to choose for us. Mil thinks her taste is the best and has been very clear about this - we don't get on, I don't like her at all actually and I am mortified he has done this. Last time I assumed he told them we want to choose our own big ticket items! But even If I did like her there is no way I would want her choosing a new sofa, I would rather stuggle on with the ones we have or sit on orange crates!

I will not accept any sofa she chooses. I know DH shouldnt have mentioned new sofas but at the same time, I am over 40 - would you buy your adult old dc items and choose for them? I just can't imagine in any scenario thinking its OK to choose furniture in this way.
She has always done this eg - I will buy you a pram ....great we thought! only - she went and chose it with her DM and I had no look in or say at all so we had to reject it. I find it bizarre!

I can see MIL doing this. We recently bought a new house and she is always trying to comebround and nose about (‘or look at our nice things’) I couldn’t hear her in the small bedroom saying to DP. Oh yes I would buy blah blah but not blah. Well loveits not your fucking house and your taste is quite shite!

Maybe she will actually pick a nice Aida though? Mayve just tell him to make sure she has your ok before buying?

I have seen it and it's the total opposite of my taste. It's also leather and I'm not sure keen at all on leather. I would rather have orange crates

Don't tell her or she'll bring milk crates round!

Fluffy, if I got on with Mill in anyway it wouldn't be so bad. But she undermines mean on everything. Dd us a lot goodness reader, because she sat and read a bit with her, the dc only got Potty trained down to her that sort of thing, always heavy implications that we are useless etc and now we need someone to choose our sofas... So frustrating.

Easily solved by him sending a photo of the sofa you plan to get.

He needs to text ‘oh this is the sort of thing we are going to buy’

He has seen and even sat on the sofa I want though.. He has sat on them in ikea, I went back alone and took more pictures.

I just don't want them involved in any way shape per form. She has never said a single positive thing since I have known her.

My parents have bought us furniture in the past. They have more money than we do and sometimes furniture is what we have needed/wanted. In this case as you have already identified the sofas you would like, and given one is from IKEA so presumably pretty thrifty can't you just say that if MIL would really like to buy you a sofa these are the only models you would like? With the caveat that it's completely her choice whether to buy a sofa for you at all.

If she's using the gm's money that was given to him, it's not exactly a gift is it? If she's spending money that isn't intended to be hers and is technically your dhs, he should be insisting on the cash contribution.

My MIL is like this. When we moved into our first house she was a fucking nightmare but dh grew up and learned never to involve her in anything. He also wanted to make his own choices. So basically Op you have a DP problem not a MIL one.

The thing is she is so thick skinned and entrenched dh could never get through to her. So yes, why bloody involve her. I just feel so frustrated. I imagine dh may have said we would like all contribution to new sofas and as usual she dives head first in.. They need help choosing one from me the mistress of taste and bargain hunting. It's so frustrating.

Who would chose for their child when their child is nealry 40 and married with two dc.
The other annoying thing is she would have felt like me had her Mil tried to do this. Is this just someone being totally unaware?! Is this the old classic narrcism

I thought I had issues with my in-laws, they'd gift us the money to chose whatever it is eg pram but then bring it up at a later date as a look what we've done for you... They are quite wealthy and like to do this, I now refuse any large expensive gifts as a result.

Choosing furniture or any big purchases is crossing the line though! My mil buys our kids piles of ugly expensive clothing on a regular basis, they sit on a pile in the spare room tags still on, I just pretend they wear them, you can't really do that with a sofa can you?! I think your husband needs to have words, failing that just refuse the delivery when your new sofa arrive .

Your dh needs to grow a pair. This is his fault too.

Inform her if she does indeed insist on choosing and purchasing the sofas then as the recipient you insist on them wrapped in Christmas paper!!
Or parcel dh up and send him back to his dm - insist he cuts the strings before she buys the bloody things!!

The "mistress of taste", really?!
I understand you don't share the same style as your mil, I don't either...or my own dm for that matter, but that doesn't mean I am the "mistress of taste"
I'm another one suggesting your dp is a big part of your problem here- it's not just your pil.