I dont want Mil to choose our new sofas?

[Aweektilltheseason]

I really enjoy interior design having said that its all second hand from junk shops and has been for ten years. ie I care about these things and choosing etc is enjoyable to me.

I would really like to find new sofas in the sales coming and have my eye on a few beautiful velvet snuggle seats and a main white ikea sofa. Unbeknownst to me, DH has told his DP we want new sofas for xmas ( they are well off but also they are holding money from his GM for him).

Mil is sending him pics of sofas. The thing is she has done this before, she decided a few years ago we needed new sofas and started to choose for us. Mil thinks her taste is the best and has been very clear about this - we don't get on, I don't like her at all actually and I am mortified he has done this. Last time I assumed he told them we want to choose our own big ticket items! But even If I did like her there is no way I would want her choosing a new sofa, I would rather stuggle on with the ones we have or sit on orange crates!

I will not accept any sofa she chooses. I know DH shouldnt have mentioned new sofas but at the same time, I am over 40 - would you buy your adult old dc items and choose for them? I just can't imagine in any scenario thinking its OK to choose furniture in this way.
She has always done this eg - I will buy you a pram ....great we thought! only - she went and chose it with her DM and I had no look in or say at all so we had to reject it. I find it bizarre!

Oh no.... get Dh to send her a link to the ones I want and say thanks. If she buys anything different u can say that’s not what we wanted.

I agree obscure but this is my aibu, who would even think this ok, of course you have to sit on the sofa.

You need to speak to your DP. If someone tells a parent they want sofas for christmas, it does imply that they want them as a gift and in that case it's perfectly normal for the person paying to choose.
Send him back to his DPs saying that you've already chosen and ordered.
Does your DP prefer your MIL's taste? because it strikes me that it wasn't accidental that he told them he wanted sofas for Christmas.

Yy wise
BTW the sofa she hasn't chosen for us is not at all what she would choose for herself!she would never have that in her home!!

I don’t understand the problem? If you want new sofas, go and buy them. If your PIL’s want to give you some money towards them, great but if they don’t, that doesn’t stop you going ahead and buying what you want.

Why are they holding money due to your DH from his GM?

LouiseBrooks
also they are holding money from his GM for him

Isn't he old enough to manage it himself? To me this is far odder than the sofa issue.

This!! Whats that all about??

My mil did this when she offered to buy a twin buggy for ds x 2. She went to all the department stores trying them out!! She is only about 5 foot and prob didn't see over the top of the handle on some of them! Never mind the sheer size of the things!!
When ds was a month old I told dh either it was the coming week end or we would be buying it!!
She never did manage to push one with 2 dc in it!!

I think if you don’t want her to interfere then you need to not accept money or let her pay for stuff

Just buy your own sofas and turn down your mil's offer. It sounds like if she pays then she chooses. She's not going to change so either you buy your own or accept things her way. Even if you feel it's unfair.

But the money from the grandparents sounds like you should have that? Legally is it yours?

Why is your husbands parents holding money for him for his grandparents?

Tell them you don't want sofas for xmas. The end.

Sorry the gm money is confusing. Gm is still alive but has massively down sized her house and gave all herself gc some money directly and the rest to the dp to hold.

I only mentioned it as in the pils may not be buying the sofas themselves but from this other than money, it's all a bit unclear and Mil will hold onto that money to...
Do what she is doing now... Control it and chose for us!

I'm mortified dh has even mentioned this to them I don't know what he was thinking.

I would have much rather he had just said we don't want anything for Xmas. I hate involving them and... Since I thought we could do with new sofas actually a whole lot of other house maintenance stuff has cropped up. I don't like them involved at all.
I can't blame them totally as dh has said sofa it's just I don't know why she thinks it's OK to choose them.

Are you an old poster who name changes? Is this about your attitude to spending rather than about interior design?

My MIL is exactly the same.
We have polar opposite tastes, I like vintage/kitsch looking interior design, she likes flashy things and everything to be modern and new.

She wants to buy us a sofa too but I honestly do not like her taste and prefer to buy our own.

I bought a bed base from M+S last year and she went and bought the same one in a different colour. It's a plain ivory bed base, nothing special at all. Hers is pine. When she saw ours she said she was 'soo jealous, I need to buy the ivory one now'. It's quite odd.

She tries to imprint what she likes on us but it doesn't work much these days as I put my foot down. She keeps trying to donate furniture to us which I hate. Because I've resisted her for so long, instead she tries to guess what we would like and when I say 'oh actually i prefer the blue curtains' she'll say 'oh yes I knew you'd say that, blah blah blah'.

Time for you to tell MIL yourself, that you will choose and pay for your own sofa. Tell her it's simply not appropriate any other way. So what if it casts you as being extravagant? It's none of their business. You're not out of line, she is! Stand up for yourself, you only get one life.

Or just go ahead and buy the furniture and then let your partner tell them how much you're enjoying them!

Have a word with your DH, then. Very few people would respond to the question "what would you like for Christmas?" with "A pair of sofas, please"

So they are using money from granny meant for your DH to buy the sofa as a Christmas present from them? That is not really on either.

Well, nothing has actually happened to date. A sofa you didn't order turns up? Send it back, end of. Order what you want when you want to and ignore batshit MIL. Suggest to DP that he does the same.

I don't have the money to buy anything right now, have been looking and hopefully get at least one in the sales. I think he was hoping for a contribution towards to the sofas of any amount rather than them buying them out right.

I don't have the money to buy anything right now, have been looking and hopefully get at least one in the sales. I think he was hoping for a contribution towards to the sofas of any amount rather than them buying them out right.

I cant for the life me imagine choosing a sofa for a 41 year old woman who has good taste herself

But she'd not buying it for you she's buying them for her son, who presumably also lives in the house and may share her taste. Or doesn't his opinion matter? stupid question really of course a mans opinion is irrelevant

Because of the mail and other places picking up stories one has to be shady about details. But dh and I have been to relate about his dp and their over stepping boundaries.

If you're short of cash why are you not asking for the (inheritance?) from his Grandmother? Why are they hanging onto it?