(light hearted -ish) about DH and my cat collection

[elfycat]

When DH and I met 17 years ago I had 2 cats. Since then we have had between 2 and 3 cats, currently 2.

I am a mad-cat-lady in training. He knows this. I can't walk past a cat in the street without stopping for a cuddle. Our DDs (8 & 7) are also cat-fans and we love nothing more than sitting down with a cat on/by us I have one on me now

DH had mentioned a few months ago that when the current cats grow old and die (they're 9 and 11) we could take a break from cat-ownership. The DDs and I agree we don't need that kind of negativity in our lives. I told him that I had cats when we met and intended to continue to own cats for the foreseeable future. Why would he think otherwise?

A friend with a son in DD1's class mentioned today that she might have to re-home her cat as she's incredibly busy with family bereavement/ illness and it's over-cleaning to the point of bald patches. She wants it to go to a home where cuddles are available and other cats for company. She wasn't hinting... I mentioned we might be interested (we had a cat PTS in October).

DH isn't keen, but WIBU to ignore him and get it anyway? It's a bengal (not that it matters but pretty kitty) and it plays fetch!

We have the space, we can afford the vet bills. I'm good at acclimatising cats to new homes/other cats. There are 3 full time laps and a part time lap for cuddles.

Yes you are being unreasonable. Sounds like you’re looking for a way to prove a point to your DH by taking in this cat and the point you’re making is that you don’t care about his opinion because yours is more important. I wouldn’t be happy if my partner was sending me that message.

I think you’re being rather selfish.

“DH had mentioned a few months ago that when the current cats grow old and die (they're 9 and 11) we could take a break from cat-ownership.”

There’s your (ahem..... lighthearted) answer.

You need to find out what your DH plans with a cat free time. Maybe he wants you all to travel around the world?

I think you need to talk with him, and stop thinking about what suits you best. He also is part of your family? Or do his views mean nothing at all to you.

Besides, anyone who thinks a mature bengal will fit in with established moggies has another think coming!! Bengals are house cats with an innate desire to escape and ravage the country side. They’re not just a slot your cat in here breed.

The owner of the bengal should contact the breeder she got her from, and the bengal rehoming association- they are not just any old cat, and deserve better than foisted off on classmates-with-cats into homes with adults with some communication problems.

I have always taken in cats that 'present' themselves to us.

Cat 1: 18 years old when I got her, owner had died and no one could take her.
Cat 2&3: sisters, mother had been chucked out of a car at a country crossroads as you do heavily preganant. People who took her in didn't want 5 extra cats. Met DH when I had these 2.
Cat 4&5 (still have no.5) DH's colleague was moving abroad. DH asked if we could home her. She was preganant, hence no.5
Cat 6. Got last year. Has a complicated owner issue and returned to a previous owner and was stressed by the dog they'd got in the interim, but would only re-home to the right sort od cat people. DH was the one who wanted her (with my enthusiastic agreement).

So it's not me getting back at him, it's just a cat that presents as needing a home. For the record I want a black cat, but most of them have been tabbies.

Does dh have a hobby that you could bring into the equation?

But this is not a cat that needs a home from YOU. It’s a cat that will be pretty easily rehomed through proper breeder channels, not a moggie on last chance saloon.

If it was about to be pts I would maybe answer differently but you seem pretty gleeful about it. Your DH isn’t keen, he has been keen before so something has changed, this isn’t a general grump.
Overriding his feelings (and encouraging your girls to do the same) is degrading to him and if my partner did that I would be sad and hurt.

DH isn't keen, but WIBU to ignore him and get it anyway?

YABU - its his home too. Sorry.

I'm a cat person too, love them. My rescue tabby passed away a couple of years ago. I miss him terribly. DS likes them too and wants a pet cat. But my DH, who accepted I had a cat when we met and moved in together, isn't a cat person and would rather we didn't have any more at the moment. I have to respect that - it's either that or leave him!

I think I love DH a bit more than cats currently so right now I have agreed to no cats. In fact no pets at all. DH is a dog person, but I'm not. So we compromise on no pets at all for the time-being.

Maybe when we get older and retire we agree we may allow each other to have the cat/dog we each yearn for, when the other has the time to solely look after their own pet. But not right now.

You're being unreasonable but it plays fetch! Tell him it's a dog.

We have 4 dogs. I am sure dh would prefer we only had 3. However he knew how much it meant to me to have the 4 th. He has 'bonded' with her and actually loves her more than 1 of the other ones!!

I am a cat lover, and YABU.

He hasn't said no cats ever again. He said no cats for a little while. He accepts them in his life, and is willing to do so again in the future (doesn't look like he could stop you anyway). He just wants a break, yet you are manipulating his daughters against him?

That's kind of gross behaviour tbh.

FWIW, when our lovely boys die, in spite of both of us being happy to continue to be cat owners, we will be taking a short break and taking advantage of the cat-free time before we adopt afresh.

It's his home too. I'd be really upset if my DH did this to me, it would be like saying my opinion didn't count for anything in the house.

Doesn't sound like you respect your husband at all. YABVU.

Those vet bills you mention - I'm presuming he pays a share of those?

Is it worth pointing out that part of the 'lighthearted' is that we were teasing DH and not degrading his feelings. We're not poor at communicating, quite the opposite most of the time.

I was a bit bemused by his suggestion. We're not off on adventures (primary school aged kids). I have friends who come to sit/play/drink coffee etc if we go away on holiday (reciprocal pet care).

OK cat 5 is a bugger for sitting on my hands when I'm typing.

DH does want a dog (something family friendly like a husky! ) but he works away for weeks at a time and I don't fancy getting 2 reluctant children to go for long walks with me. DH's family have never owned a dog, mine have so I know the work involved. Cats are low impact comparatively.

We have 6 cats at the minute so I'm probably less on your DH's side, however I'd never get another cat unless we were in agreement. Ask your DH why he'd like a break and listen to him; they're his responsibility, too.

Each new arrival we get (and they're all rescues from a friend who runs a cat charity so we get the 'dregs') is agreed before we introduce the idea to the DCs.

DH's family have never owned a dog, mine have so I know the work involved. Cats are low impact comparatively.

I agree, they are much easier compared to dogs imo. But the fact remains that your DH would like a bit of a break. Has he given a specific reason for the break from cat ownership? If not, I presume he means a break from all pets, yes?

You'd be totally unreasonable to adopt another cat in these circumstances! How on earth can you think it's an acceptable thing to do?!

As an aside, we had our cats first and the dog settled in beautifully. I love our cat collection but the dog has become such a huge part of the family. She loves us in a way the cats never will. Always been a cat person but our idiot spaniel has melted my heart.

Oh so he wants a dog. Dogs are fabulous but they need more attention than a toddler and my gargantuan mutt thonks he's just a teeny whisp of a thing who can climb onto my bed without me noticing.

We (me and the kids) wanted cats. DH didn't. Now I have cats and no DH.

Course you are not being unreasonable. Only thing I'd suggest is that you temporarily foster the cat until the original slave can decide if she wants him/her back when her time of stres is over. You don't own cats btw. They own you.

A husky?! With cats and him working away for two weeks?

He must be having a laugh

Yes Spartacus. I do know I am owned. And I am happy to foster cats and return them if that's the right thing. We just love the cuddles. ALL the cuddles.

I just got this text.

However no5 has just farted (he's sitting between me and the laptop) and now I'm questioning cat ownership.

We have a husky with cats. Def not suitable for a novice dog owner, or a young family simply for the walks it needs and dragging dc little legs along with you!! And if you love your home def don't get one, they aren't a dog in the sense of a regular dog.

There's nothing better than kitty cuddles. Tell DH he's being a sourpuss and foster kitty. Im sure he will love him/her when she/he gets there. Besides, it's the season for giving ...