To think that if you are not in active labour and you have a partner who snores, you should not have him overnight on an Antenatal ward

[Belleende]

I know there are polarised opinions on the presence of men overnight on Antenatal wards. I can see both sides. BUT if you know your DP has a snore like a 747, surely you send him home for a kip if you are not in pain/active labour. I know I did. He won't be back until the action starts.

Currently listening to two snorers in concert as well as a poor lady in quite a bit of pain.

So whilst the princes charming get some slumber, I will be producing a baby at some point in the next 24 hours on no sleep. Yeah!

I don't think men should stay either. It's a hospital, not a hotel. If there are exceptional circumstances then I would understand, but women are at their most vulnerable when on ante natal or post natal wards, and having strange men, who won't have been DBS checked, in the next bed isn't on.

I’m surprised they let him stay on the antenatal ward. My DH stayed with me on postnatal ward as my DD needed injections in the middle of the night so I genuinely didn’t have the energy to walk over pushing her. He also helped out on the ward during the night(before we got a private room as we were never going to get some sleep!) when one mother was screaming in pain and no one could hear her.

Postnantal-sometimes it’s needed.

Antenatal-can’t see the reason!

My husband stayed with me - he doesn't snore but we had a private room anyways. He brought in his own food and used the en suite after me to clean it up!

If he hadn't of been there I wouldn't have been able to look after my baby as I had a c section.

He didn't sleep in hospital but I got 40 winks

I think the problem is shared wards - I wouldn't be happy in one and I'd leave if I was put in one, that's why I went for a private hospital with all single rooms

I'm married to a snorer and didn't let him stay over for this exact reason. I was pretty pissed off to find that instead of my own husband keeping me awake with his snoring, someone else's husband did instead.

When I was in labour and about to have my baby, a creepy Somali old lady kept coming into the room (nurses kept having to try and get her out) to shout at me in Somali. Just what I needed when contractions were starting to get intense.

I understand the points people are making about not allowing men on wards - but a generation ago there were more staff to help you with things. Nowadays the hospitals are so crowded and understaffed there’s simply no way to get any kind of help or assistance without having someone advocate for you. That is probably why so many women want their partners there. I still think many of the stories above are horrendous and I’m sorry you were surrounded by insensitive twats... of either sex!

Such a hard one. I've never had to be in a ward with my babies (one was preemie and the other the staff respectfully gave me a side room after previous experience ) but I did end up in a ward to support my friend and the noise was just unreal, I was so thankful for my experience. Again if you've been up all night supporting someone its so hard not to nod off, I stayed awake 48 hours for my friend and I was pretty much tripping by the end of it

Shagging in the ward though, holy shit

I’ve packed ear plugs, even in a private room hospitals are noisy places.

These men must know they snore though, they're to blame too for not giving a shit about inflicting their midnight pig impressions on a whole ward! Selfish and self important half the time.

I'm absolutely gob smacked that men are allowed to stay overnight on an antenatal ward! Is this a new thing? When my DD was waiting to be induced when she had my DGD 11 years ago,her DH asked if he could stay on the ward overnight with her (sleeping in the chair). My DD wasn't bothered to be honest,but he was told in no uncertain terms that this was definitely not allowed,and that he could come back at 8 in the morning.

I'm kind of impressed that any of them manage to sleep in a funny way. Poor old DP spent 3 nights sitting upright in a blue plastic chair whilst I barked at him to change the baby; squeeze colostrum out for me; pass me the baby for feeding; make sure her goggles were still protecting her eyes under the jaundice light; help me out of bed; get me more pads/disposable knickers/water as I was pretty much physically helpless!...

Antenatal though - completely agree, why do you need anyone there unless you're actively in labour?

I had a c section after a 27 hour back to back labour. I was lumped in the labour ward and told my partner couldn't stay. He left, my baby was sick in front of me and I couldnt move to get to him, I couldn't move to press the button for help. I screamed for help and a lady opposite hobbled over and helped my baby. No one came to see if we were ok. We were not ok.
The next morning I had a seizure.
If I was ever going to give birth again I would not let him leave my side. Fuck everyone else.
Even thinking about the terror I felt that night on my own makes me upset.

Kitty

I fully understand why some people don't like having men on the ward - but if they'd been through something like you did, I think they might agree that it's the lesser of two evils unless/until we get proper support.

So sorry that happened to you Kitty.

I didn't read the top - I'm not sure about Antenatal wards but I was talking before about Postnatal.

I had a section and we had some time before to talk. I told my husband, you stay with that baby. Do not take your eyes off the baby. Do not let the nurses take the baby's You look after that baby, I will be drugged up to high heaven, I will not know what I'm doing. Do not leave was the most important point I was making.
I'm glad as I felt a little better knowing he wouldn't leave my DD side at a time when I couldn't look after her myself.

Unfortunately I snore as I have sleep apnoea and probably had early signs when I was pregnant.I was also an inpatient for pre enclamsia ( wrong spelling but you know what I mean) so I apologize to anyone who was on the same ward with me

If you are a shared room you will have difficulty sleeping anyway whether it's a snoring husband or one of those horrible people who never turns off their television all day long. At least the snoring can't really be helped.

I'm so glad my local hospital has private rooms only!

I spent one night on antenatal ward at 35 weeks due to possible early labour - started dialating, steroid injections, talk of emergency c-section etc - (turned out all fine) it was a hell of a day and at the end of visiting hours by DH left and I just broke down. The MW came in and saw how upset I was and told me to call my DH and get him to come back and she would find us a side room so he could stay! I was so grateful for that kindness and having my DH overnight really helped me.
After I had my DS, at 39 weeks, on post natal ward with three other women and I genuinely thought how am I going to cope without DH, but I did for the two nights I was in, despite having a c-section. I will admit, it would have been so nice to have him there to help me (it took me ages to do anything) but I remember the girl next to me trying to convince the MW to let her partner stay and I realised I wouldn’t have liked that, so wouldn’t have been fair for mine to stay. It would be amazing if all ante/post natal wards had private rooms but with the state of the NHS, it’s just not going to happen!

The real problem is lack of staffing.

I desperately wanted DH with me after I made it out of HDU on to the main postnatal ward. I hadn't slept for more than an hour at a time before the 40 hours of regular contractions due to a combination of SPD and carpal tunnel syndrome so I was in ropey condition before the EMCS and other complications. I was in the kind of state where I dropped DS on his head into the crib as my strength gave out while attempting to lower him in. With a staff ratio of 1:14 patients there was no point in attempting to press the buzzer, even if it didn't keep falling irretrievably behind the bed. I felt so desperately alone and utterly out of my depth (not helping my blood pressure to return to safe levels). I really wasn't in a fit state to be responsible for a newborn baby. If the staffing levels had been appropriate, I wouldn't have felt so messed up (it might have reduced some of the emotional baggage after too)

An antenatal ward is different as there's not the factor of caring for baby involved. Having a separate space for partners to rest near by would be useful, but isn't a logistically simple solution to arrange. It's not fair having additional people snoring or being a disturbance on wards, but I do understand why people want their partner there for support.

I'd have hated to have men sleeping overnight in a ward with me post birth. You're so vulnerable and have all sorts leaking out of your orifices, the last thing a woman needs is a man around.

It was bad enough during the day with the woman in the next bed having 7 LOUD visitors despite there being a maximum of 3 allowed. I really needed to rest but couldn't get any thanks to those noisy fuckers!

This isn't allowed at my local hospital and I am so thankful! I even saw one woman being wheeled up after giving birth at 2am, her partner was then told to say goodbye as he had to go home now - and she was in a private (as in separate) room so no one would have been bothered by him. I'm sure the women on my ward would be grateful for avoiding hearing my ex mansplaining how to BF/change a nappy at me all night .

But yeah, not much you can do when it's a patient snoring! Earplugs are essential IME.