It’s my birthday and I’m so fucking fed up.

[Fedupfeelingthisway]

My birthday today. It’s a depressing one. The family business has been in trouble and DH has cleaned us out trying to save it this year. He always lies about how “it will get better” but it never does. It’s been shit for years now. So here I am another year older knowing that I’m worse off than I was 20 years ago. Only now I’m not in my youth and with no future to look forward to I just feel so totally desolate. No point in talking to DH because I’m fed up with the “Soon” and “It’s getting better” lies. Whenever I try and tell DH how I feel I get snapped at. I shout at the kids, and then I feel guilty like a shitty pathetic mother which I am. I’m parmanantly stressed, anxious and increasingly unhappy with life.

Kids are off to bed. I’ve not eaten much because the cupboards are bare. But of course I’ve had to pretend to the world that life is great and I’m so happy. Because no one knows how awful I feel. No one even has the slightest inkling that anything is wrong, because I hide it. I can’t tell anyone about our situation.

So Aibu to just go to bed and cry myself to sleep?

I am so sorry, I have no advice but want to wish you a happy birthday

Have a hug op and some birthday . Having a shitty birthday is really crappy.
Make tomorrow the day you tell someone in rl who can support you properly.

I can’t tell anyone how I’m feeling or about our situation because it’ll just piss DH off even more. I just want to run away.

Awww poor you; so sorry for you. Happy birthday Hun. I know how you feel, my DH's birthday yesterday and we've had a right time. I'm on maternity leave currently so we're struggling along on his wage only and his job is in trouble. We've literally barely scraping by each month; we're having budget food shops and I can't even afford clothes and I've never been that hard up in my life and it's shit isn't it!?! My cheap tired matalan jeans have got holes in and I'm having to stitch them up and I don't even know how to stitch but I've had to teach myself and learn! When DS was napping i sat in my old clothes and just cried as just nothing to look forward to at the moment and seems all I hear is people going on first holidays with their babies & they're out for meals all the time! I'm eating Aldi cereal and porridge to fill myself up! Any cash goes on clothes, milk and food for DS as I make all of his baby food from scratch (just as well as it's cheaper.) I make thinks stretch abit as some things I turn into meals for the family.

It helps me to think yes we're In a sticky patch at the moment but nothing stays the same forever. The truth is things can get better. If your DH's business has truly failed are this skills transferable and could he apply for a job somewhere?
We're praying mum dh's job will be okay and in mean time he's applying for lots of jobs. x

Your dh doesn't get to dictate who knows your troubles.
If he is that controlling then you need to consider your future.

My*

Ditto Fedupfeeling this way (for different reasons). Birthday twin hugs

Don't run away, your kids need you. But never mind about pissing off your DH - you don't have to talk to anyone close to you - in fact might be better not to. Talk to Samaritans, Citizens Advice, Mind.

You're entitled to your own life free from your DH's dictates and if you start to take charge of it, however financially difficult things are, you will feel better.

Sorry you’re going through it too Bella. Its a horrible situation to be in. Especially bad if you’re pregnant too. I hope it all improves soon. When you’re middle aged everyone expects life to be great, but ours is just getting worse. The business has to carry on as it is. He tells me so much about the future getting better but I can’t see it. I wish he was just honest. I can’t carry on like this much more because I’m scared what I’ll end up doing. I’m scared of everything just now tbh.

No, don't go to bed and cry yourself to sleep. Call the Samaritans, have a good vent and then have a proper look at what you can do to improve things - charities like the Money Advice Service may be able to help with this. You don't have to let your DH keep bleeding you dry bailing out a failed business for the sake of pride.

Happy Birthday xx

Fedupfeelingthisway Not pregnant anymor thank god but DS is only a baby and it's def a struggle. Thanks huni I hope things improve for you too. I don't think your DH is being very fair on you not letting you tell anybody. Is there a friend or relative you could confide in who wouldn't tell him they know?
I think you need to sit down with your dh and tell him how much this is bothering you (you prob have already but try again). If he doesn't listen I would tell him this is affecting your marriage where you can't go on and hope he comes to his senses and if he doesn't it will be his own fault if he loses you. Times can be tough but like you say you shouldn't have to go through this in middle age; it's far from ideal. You can your husband can get through it but he needs to be honest with you so that you can plan a course of action together. x

Happy Birthday - hopefully you'll have a happy, healthy year and things will improve. Sod pissing him off - tell who you need to tell in real life to get it off your chest and let people try to help you

e*

, OP

and*

OP could you work? Do you have a job in the family business? In your shoes I'd sack that and get a job somwhere else!

Thank you. Muir23, I’m so sorry you too are shit. It’s a shame we aren’t all able to just go out and get shitfaced. Ok maybe not you Bella!

I’ve spoken to Citizens advice on a few occasions but they haven’t offered much help. I’m not going to bother the Samaritans! I’d feel like a hoax because in paper everything looks “fine”.

I just wish someone could wave a magic wand and I was living somewhere else and could forget all this and how I feel. I hate always crying. I hate always shouting. I hate never laughing. I miss the feeling of contentment and happiness.

Happy birthday lovely lady. Please never think you’re a shitty mum. You’re doing the best you can for them and they’ll love you for it.
I hope things get better for you soon.xx

Happy birthday. Could you be a little depressed? Sometimes it takes someone standing from the outside to see that you are. I have been there. Mine was more work related but it was the pits. Felt everything was on top of me and i just could see nothing positive about life. like a dark cloud.My dh told me to go to the doctor. I am so glad i did. Sometimes you need a little help to put you on the up again. Even just talking to someone can make you feel a little lighter. If you think you are not sure you are depressed there are lots of websites that you can look on to see if you could be and recognise symptoms.

www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx

Honey, you need real-life support. Tell your DH that this kind of stress period is exactly what friends and family are for. It’s not for weekend bbqs and showing off holiday snaps.

While he may be at the helm of trying to sort out the money/business problems, he’s not in charge of deciding who needs emotional help and from whom.

Just because you’ve gone along with his pride-saving strategy till now doesn’t mean tomorrow need be a repeat. Things have changed (gotten worse) across time, and it’s time to bin his policy.

There’s also opportunities in letting people into your business- you never know what guise help might arrive in.

Either way, make it clear that something has to change, and fast. Good luck to you. I’m sure 2018 will hold some better days (and a better birthday!) for you. Chin up.

I don’t think I am depressed, I’m just at the end of my tether if that makes sense. I feel such huge resentment for DH and if I could I’d leave him tomorrow. I know I just have to keep on with what we have for the sake of DC. My head is scrambled. I’m so tired all of the time. I look a mess and I absolutely hate myself.

Can't you get a job?