To be losing the ability to cope over my daughter's tic

[theabysswithin]

Just need to talk to someone about this really. I'm at the end of my tether.
My 6 y-o dd has developed this vocal tic in the past 10 days. Its driving me absolutely nuts. I'm having to strain every fibre of my being not to shout at her to stop it. I'm terrified that its tourettes or that its going to go on for a long time. I'm worried that she is going to be bullied over it, I'm worried that I've caused it and that she's unhappy/stressed. But I'm also fantastically irritated by it and struggling to keep my temper. I'm going to the GP about it tomorrow and have talked to her teacher about it.

I'm a lone parent and a working mum and going through a nasty divorce and my DD's dad basically refuses to do any childcare at all so I can almost never go out or get any time on my alone. My job is extremely stressful and demanding - I work a 10-hour day and usually have to work for another 2-3 hours after work hours end -- and about the one oasis of calm in my life was my DD and the time we had. And now I'm struggling to remain calm in her presence and having difficulty supporting her. I really at the moment feel like I can't cope.

Does anyone else have any experience of something like this? Do things like this pass without medication or counselling? How can I get through this?

He does see her but only in a way which suits him and inconveniences me, i.e. he'll drop in to give her a present and let her play on his phone for 15 minutes but if I ask him to let me have an hour to do some tidying in peace or so I can go out for a drink with friends he will refuse.

I remember having a throat-clearing/grunting sort of tic as a child and I've grown out of it. Used to drive my parents bonkers!

Your Ex's behaviour sounds exhausting. Can you detach and put boundaries in place! Such as CMS for maintenance and no more 'dropping in' only formally arranged access, communication only via a dedicated email address.
Sadly you can't make him parent but you can take control.

Will your ex not arrange a set timetable to see DD - even if it’s only one day or evening a week? If not, can you stop the drop ins and tell him he has to give x amount of notice if he wants to see DD?

I know the early stages of separation are very very hard. Try to detach as much as you can - ask him for nothing then you won’t be disappointed. If you can find a way to accept that you are bringing up DD on your own, it will make it easier for you (counter intuitive but it means you make peace with your life ending up the way it has).

Your DD tic could be transitory - I found lack of sleep and stress made it worse for mine.

Lots of for you as this whole situation must be incredibly hard.

This may be totally unhelpful but we've found having background music on helps with vocal tics. Sometimes because said child starts singing along and the tic stops (temporarily) and sometimes cause we do and then don't notice it.

We found activities helped, swimming, roller skating, anything to get absorbed in.

Penfold, Housework and others offer great advice, especially about detaching from ec and putting boundaries in place. You have established he doesn't want to help you, so do not ask. Do you want him in your home? If not, can he take dd to his home or out somewhere nice? If so, it needs to be arranged in as advance with a pick up and drop time.

Always stick to your end of arrangements and keep a record, maybe by email of all the plans. Including any times he fails to stick to plans. Eventually, he will know he must step up.

Ex not ec.