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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Keeping DD off school today

54 replies

sunnysunchild · 22/11/2017 17:50

Mainly because:
She got her 2nd period (shes 12) her 1st one was months ago at start of summer hols..
She has a bit of a snotty cold.
And
She had swimming at school today with a male teacher and although that bothers me less these days..I really felt for her.
I did say to her that she needs to be able to cope with this if it starts coming every month, cos she couldn't take a day off school every month.
We had a lazy day watching a movie and chatting.
What would you have done? Have I set a precedent? I want to make it easy for her cos my mum was awful....

OP posts:

peachytacos · 22/11/2017 20:01

I wish my mum was as nice about periods as you op! She’s never suffered with them and still to this day I vomit every month for the first day or two and suffer excruciating pain.
I have many horrible embarrassing memories from school of bleeding through pads and passing out.
I can’t see what I would have been able to achieve being in school in that state!!! You did the right thing

TovaGoldCoin · 22/11/2017 20:07

My daughter has one day off every month, as she has excruciating cramps, and dizziness. She has an underlying condition that causes problems too (genetic blood disorder). She works from home, and I've staved off the attendance officer with pointing out her attainment and Attitude to Learning scores. I had terribly painful and heavy periods for years, so I feel so. Guilt or whatever

Original poster

sunnysunchild · 22/11/2017 20:21

Thanks all. I was off work today anyway, so not an issue for me needing to be at home. But there was no way I could have taken a day off my work to justify looking after her. She knows this, and a sensible kid. She'll be back in tomorrow. 😁

OP posts:

Redguitar2 · 22/11/2017 20:28

It's tricky. I kind of feel that by letting her have the day off your setting a standard for the future. My parents were hard as nails when it came to me going to school and I never had a day off unless for a funeral, flu etc. However, once i started 6th form they had less of a say and I started skipping classes because I fancied it! It would just worry me that my DD would expect days off just for a sniffle in the future.

Of course if the poor thing is suffering wth a lot of pain as well then absolutely keep her off! I remember having it so bad once I was being sick. It's terrible, particularly when you've only recently started and are having to explain it to friends and teachers.

MrsAJ27 · 22/11/2017 20:36

Aww Op, I think you did the right thing. Periods are bloody awful as an adult and 10 times worst as a kid.
It sounds like you had a lovely day together

Cockmagic · 22/11/2017 20:39

I was in primary school when I started mine, no days off but I was allowed paracetamol given by teachers.

I think you're fussing over nothing personally I'd of sent her in.

nowwheredidmyunicorngo · 22/11/2017 20:41

I would totally keep my daughter off. You sound like a nice mum.

Of course you can't do this every month until she leaves school, but she is old enough you can explain that. It's nice to give her a chance to work out his to manage it.

Lots of tough love here!

ElspethTascioni · 22/11/2017 20:45

My mum (a teacher) always took the attitude that a day off here and there even if you might not need it, did you good and she'd have done the same. It didn't have a negative impact on our grades or our responsibility as adults to our jobs! I take the same attitude with my kids. A bit of care never goes a miss.

SweetEnough · 22/11/2017 20:47

My period pains have always been as bad as strong contractions. Luckily I have quite a high pain threshold and learnt to deal with them.

I would have loved a day off when I started, but I was told that I was overreacting and it's tough. I will definitely be more sympathetic to my dd's and duvet days sound like a good idea.

Slaylormoon · 22/11/2017 20:48

I think it was a lovely thing to do, you won't set a precedent if you don't repeat it and besides, it's a period! She's still going to have to get up tomorrow and carry on with it and will feel much better after a chill day.

wtffgs · 22/11/2017 20:59

I'm sort of on the fence.

It does seem like a lovely supportive way to nurture her given it's her first term time period but you'll need to be firm next time.

DD is on the cusp of all this so I'll see if I take my own advice.

I have once kept DD off for emotional exhaustion following a monumental upset. I am usually pretty strict on paracetamol and and a stiff upper lip tho

kitkatsky · 22/11/2017 22:45

Agree with everyone else. She can’t get into habit of having days off each month, but I wouldn’t make her swim. Just write a note saying she has a cold/ear infection/ leg injury etc

Sarahh2014 · 22/11/2017 22:50

I'm 37 and had periods for 25 yrs and feel awful at the beginning of mine each month so can imagine how scary it is for a girl who just started ( prob painful too) I've got a son but if I had a daughter id have done the same as a one off

user1469751309 · 22/11/2017 22:51

I would have kept her off as well it's only her second one and she had swimming I think days like that are really precious between mum and daughter and I'm sure years down the line she will look back on that with really fond memories. Defiantly not going to screw up her education with one day off!!!

Sarahh2014 · 22/11/2017 22:51

*have not had

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/11/2017 22:55

You sound lovely

I'd have probably have done the same. God I started at 16 and it took some getting used to dealing with. 12 seems so young even though it's normal. A day to get head round it wouldn't hurt.

geekone · 22/11/2017 23:09

I used to get sent home or have to go home at least every second month with chronic period pain from 14/5/17. Once the school nurse told me I couldn't go home every month and to get a grip. I went home anyway but I had to walk as school didn't sanction me going so wouldn't call my mum. I was sick on the way home from the pain. My legs were always excruciating, sometimes I fainted ( the pill is a wonderful invention). Point of my story I have a PhD now so clearly it didn't affect my education. YWNBU.

greenlynx · 22/11/2017 23:51

I think you were right, it's a big step to cope with periods at school.Your daughter had them only once, she needs ""to work out" her own routine in a relaxed environment first. Is it her first year at secondary? if so, it could add up pressure. Also periods could be very unpredictable at the first 6 months, light this month, heavy and painful -- next. Life is tough, so at least your own parents should be understanding and considerate. Also cold could give you a difficult day as well!

AnnabellaH · 23/11/2017 00:04

@potteringalong yeah they're 'normal' in that most women have them. However a lot of women don't have 'normal' periods.

If my mother had listened when I said I was in so much pain and felt so crap, I wouldn't have had over a decade of fertility issues, severe anaemia and passing out in school and public toilets.

A lot of womens periods these days are anything but fucking normal. They're a shitshow massacre.

Nousernameforme · 23/11/2017 00:15

Dd usually requires the first day off most months. She does suffer quite badly with them. She is in yr 11 but i think you have to look at the whole picture their health mental and physical are just as important as her education. Chances are feeling rotten all day at school wouldnt do wonders for her learning either

RavenLG · 23/11/2017 00:30

I remember having a horrible PE teacher who looked like a melted barbie. She would tell us "exercise is good for period pain" and wouldn't accept a note that excused us from PE because of periods. That was until one day a girl passed out from the cramps / pain she was having and split her head open in the school sports hall, despite having a note telling the teacher she should sit out PE.

One day won't hurt OP but don't make a habit out of it, hope you had a nice day.

TooManyPaws · 23/11/2017 00:38

I was at boarding school and the school doctor had to give me such a high dose of painkillers for the first day that I had to spend it in bed anyway. If he hadn't, I'd have been in a ball on the floor trying to claw my belly out. I ended up on the pill while still a virgin. Best thing that a doctor ever did for me.

CrypticClues · 23/11/2017 00:50

I'd have done it - she's 12, she's not missing university exams! First day of dealing with a period at school – pain, hormones etc and then swimming too? It's fine - she felt shit, and had a lazy day with her mum. She'll probably always remember that.

BeALert · 23/11/2017 01:09

You sound lovely OP. I've done the same occasionally. My girls still get straight As and work their arses off.

Bummybum · 23/11/2017 01:15

I used to take THREE days off every period. Dh still has to take one or two days off every month to have ds now.

My Dad could miss a lot of stuff and not get pretty much everything but he got my periods. I will always be grateful to him for letting me lie on the sofa with a hot water bottle and chocolate once a month. He’s my hero.

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